and there lies the biggest and oldest problem of all. Most turkish guys (it seems to me) say
'don't do as I do - do as i say' - the partnership is not so equal.

Trouble is, it is not just the individual guys ideas that need to change. Because even if the boy himself is prepared to be more liberal, he'll be under pressure from his family friends and society generally to behave in a traditional way.

So your boy might feel that your relationship should be more equal, but everyone else will not allow him act in this way.

Can someone tell me if women in Turkey are allowed to have male friends? or is it frowned upon? I ask as a lot of men seem so possesive. Even if you just talk to someone on MSN as friends, they do not want you to talk to another male? :-S

they can have..
in that time,i met with mf gf^elder brother

well, looks like its gona be a power struggle lol the more im told not to do it the more i will do it!!so wish us luck!haha

in most cases turkish wannts to have the power over the wife and the family.most turkish man does not want there wife to work.but know it change now most of the womens work depending on the place you live in.

hello girls, I see you have got a lot of questions about turkish men. I think I have some answers for you.

The most clever thing you can do when you met a Turkish man is to look at his environment. What kind of family he is coming from, what kind of freinds he has got, what kind of place he comes from, what kind of education he has (prolly more importand than you think). If the man you think you may like to be in a relationship withs not the same level as you, the relationship or the marriage won't work out for you. Because this level has not got much to do with the cultural differences.
I have been reading and have seen that many of you guys have been interested in men who work at the hotel you have stayed or work at restourants you have been to. Imagine how many women he meets where he works... You may not be as special as you think you are for him..... It doesn't really matter how sweet he is to you. Most of them are sweet to many women. Turkish culture is changing slowly and not many women can have free relationships there really. Sex is almost forbiden for many women. So those men you meet in the bars pubs or in the touristic places are happy to see women who they can have a good time with. Turkish women do love hearing sweet things and getting attention from guys- So those men are used to that. They know what a woman wants to hear. But also turkish women are taught their role in the relationship, which is probably different than yours and has a lot more responsbilities than yours. So make sure that you are able and willing to give that as well in a longer period. The best way to understand is that to live with him for a while before jumping into marriage. Many women in Turkey are not allowed to do that but living with a woman before getting married is never a problem for your Turkish boyfriends. Doesn't that sound a little bit unfair? It does and thats the way it is so try to understand what is expected of you as a woman and how much you suit these criterions. It is prolly something that you can do better than him.

Turkey is a warm country and that makes those men warmer, which is very normal. Just like italian men. They are handsome and love women..... But if the guy is kind to you for six months it doesn't mean they are going to be like that for ever. So if you really like someone take your time and get to know him better. If he rushes you into marriage just forget about him.
There was a good remark about turkish men and handling households. That was very true. Very few men in Turkey agree to share houswork at home with their families. That is just how it is in Turkey. It does not matter if your boyfriend can handle, though. The point here is if he wants to share.

AND the most importand thing is his family. Turkish people have big families and most of the girls live with their parents till they get married and the boys also live with their parents so long until when they are over their twenties. That is why it is so importand. You have to know what kind of people he lived with for over 20 years and how he was reised... If you see things that are wrong, just ask him nicely and without being critical HOW HE SEES IT. Things that seem horrible to you may not be that horrible to him actually. That will give you hints of his possible attitude in the future. So instead of judging him have conversations with him about life and what he is used to and what he really wants for his future.

When it comes to jealousy, yes many of them are very, very jelaouse once they know you are their girl. I had a turkish boyfriend and he loved the way I was in the beggining and after eight nine months he started telling me not to wear sleevless tops and this guy studied at university at the time and was not even religious. Eventually we broke up.

If you find yourself a nice MODERN turkish guy who has time for you, who lets you get to know him better, who is tolerant, who is well educated who is willing to learn about your culture as much as you are willing to learn about his, who is really interested in your life and in learning to deal with your friends and family as well, DO NOT let him go... Those Turkish men can really be the best friends and best men in the world who would never let you down.... But then again it does not mean every Turkish men who spoils you in the beggining has these characteristics. So let him do things for you and do take your time...

Good luck girls...

Hello lily,
welcome to the Turkish Class Forums. I hope you will enjoy your stay. When reading your post I was very surprised how well you know Turkish men and culture. I'm a Turkish man but probably I couldnt explain things better than you did.

Individualism among Turks isnt as developed as we would expect in western countries. As you explained very well, relations with family might be very different than you would expect. Usually if a Turkish man comes from a traditional familiy he will care a lot about his parents' opinions even about his private life and marriage. Here I should add that all "practising" islamic families are very traditional.
In the past when Turks yet didnt choose islam, the women's role was very different in the community. They could discuss important things and they would participate in desicions. I mean not only in desicions related to the family and family members but also on issues about the community as well. Turks at the time were a travelling community living in tents. They didnt know about farming but they were a hunting community. So, they were hunting, figting and travelling around. They were experts on horses. Woman could have their say on issues like settling down in a new place or on issues like war and piece. They would join and public celebration and would have a drink all together. It was like a democracy. Later with the acceptance of islam things have changed dramatically. In my experience in small towns as a teacher I have seen folks who even dont count the girls. I asked a man how many kids he had and he said five. I asked how many of them were boys and girls, he said these were the boys and he didnt count the three girls because they would go to a husband anyway.
These kind man are having a new wife around each ten years without getting even divorced. Certainly only if they are able to afford it because usually they need to pay to the girls family to take her. As you probably can tell noone will ask the 16 year old girl if she wants to marry a 45 year old man with 2 wives. They dont divorce because the religion tells them its acceptable also the older wives do the homework and take of kids while the man can enjoy a good time with the younger wives.
I'm only telling these details because I want you to understand the extreme situation of living a traditional life in Türkiye.
With the help of Atatürk's revolutions Turks have changed a lot since the foundation of the Turkish Republic in 1923. Everything changed in a short time. From the alphabet to the clothing, from the low system to the education, everything you can imagine has changed. The population in big cities rised continuously as well as the ratio of educated people.
Unfortunately as we can see even these days, Türkiye during the long journey towards a modern country, has never had any support from the countries which were taken as an example. Only the most popular aspects of western culture became common and the background is still a bit shaky. Also the opposite, in this case the extermism has grown stronger as a response. So as a result in the same country we now have lots of extremists and we have lots of wannabees (people who like to wear branded clothes and like to listen any rubbish american pop music and by doing that they feel very much satisfied in life) but we also have the mixture of the two above which I really find very sick. There are certainly some normal people.
I think to know a Turkish men good enough you need to live together for a while, possibly for two years. If this is not possible going to holiday together to a new place for him will be a great idea. I would suggest you to try to understand if the person has the personallity to live an individual life on his own or if the person is the kind who likes to live a life as a big community with all the family members, relatives, neigbours, and the rest of islamic brothers and sisters. If the person doesnt have an individual life he is very much likely not to let you have yours.