Hey...
I am new here. I am from Brazil.
I love turkish guys... and I was wondering how are things over Turkey related to marriage... do they have any "rules"... I am pretty curious, we never know what future is planning for us .

If anyone wants to say anything, I would be very happy

Thanks

Hi My name is Seyhan im from Turkey,
What would you like to know about rules on marriage in Turkey, ask me then i will tell you all.
bye

Hello,seyhan!
Thanks for your reply.

Well,I would like to know if all Turkish guys have the same mind about marriage. I know that most of them would like to marry and have kids. But what about women , how goes things in a turkish marriage? All of you want a ceremony? Things like that, I am curious lol...

Thanks,
Patrícia.

.

i went through a similar thing to u when i met my fiance but i wasnt on holiday he was working in a restaurant and we just fell in love straight away
weve been seeing each other for 6months now and we still the same about each other!! he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, do u think im being silly? or do u thinik im rushing it with him? :-S

hi chanty !....tell me more ...i didnt get your idea...why do you think you are being silly...and you are rushing it with him...what kind of relationship do you have ..what do you feel ...what do you want and what do you expect...AND HOW ABOUT HIM?...you love him?...can you explain this feeling?!what's LOVE...isnt it something crazy..something silly...but isnt it that exciting ...if you are sensible it means you are not really in love ...when you love you forget the smart ways to think...i think it is coool...if people liked the reality ,if they liked being reasonable..they/we wouldnt fall in love ...to love means to run away from your boring habits , to see the beauty of living ,to feel the joy of living...can you get it??!..i cant express myself as well...i wanna tell you that the love is like a dream...you follow your heart...you act the way it makes you wanna act ...you do everything just to make both of you (him &yourself happy)...Is this silly??...may be sometimes we do really silly things but we shouldnt leave away the unforgetable moments ..and we must believe that it has cost it...if in the end you dont get the thing you wish you will know that you have made somebody feels really special and happy ..it is his choice either to answer or....i hope you understood partly ..i am not so good..but i tried

merhaba girlz,
pls could u tell me how a girl can call her turkish bf? i mean, they call us : askim, hayatim, canim .. but how can we call boys? i dont know n i'd like to know it.. so if u could help I'd b happy

u can call them anything that they call us it doesnt really matter cos they dont have words with specific genders so the words canim and askim are for girls or boys
hope that helps
chanty xx

ok thank u very much
but I guess u cant call them everything they call u.. cos for example, u couldnt call a boy 'gülüm' I think..

Yes, there are some ways that guys call girls, but not the other way. I think this lesson can answer some of your questions:

Express your love in Turkish

yes admin! actually that's wht i was looking for! didnt know that lesson existed here.. çok özür dilerim

Hi...I am Nana from Brazil.I know many people on the web and I could say that men are all the same in any language or country...even they deny it, lol lol lol,
although,their way of being or acting changes a bit from a country to another because of their culture.In my country, for eg.. men do not really mind at all about women`s deeeper feelings, and you know why? Because at every "corner" there will be another girl...more interesting and beautiful than the previous one.Unfortunatelly, girls seem not to be so friendly and faithful to each other...the competition among them, and in the case of some, the lack of self respect, contributes to
a man ...choose one who does not " ask too much of him".
Unfortunatelly, this is a sad fact I learned and I can also tell you, just a few are really sensible...and just a few of this percentage, when really loves...is afraid of assuming a "new and frightning life" beside his love. So..can you guess how much of this percentage lasts? lol lol
In countries where women are not so easy to get or comquer, I realized they have a different behavior, in which in my country, they could be consider,"silly" to brazilian men.Of course I do not think they are. In fact I admire that, but with the communication, internet, porn live cams, oh gee my dear friends...even those serious ones are changing!!! Sorry guys... lol. So...it does not depend upon the nationality or religion but, just a bit of the culture. You must agree I say the truth...lol

you might be right in all what u said about men
but dont u think that woman are the same too
i will tell u
i am Arab from Bahrain i travelled aloot i mean i have seen many diffrent woman as g/f and as friend or as anything really i can say that thye are the same i eman the way of thinking ohhh dear really thy are same
i eman my mam and other gilr in the wolrd thy think the same way that dosent menan i dont like women but really they are all same way of thinking
they only think that there man will go to other woman and i think they should think more how to keep him with her more than set and be sad and think when he will go to other woman

hiya every1, this is ma story about turkish guys, last year my friend and i went to turkey for 2 weeks, we meet these 2 guys that were dacncers in a bar, although they were nice looking we did not yet expect what was to happen during the rest of our holiday,firstly they rubbed up and down us like dogs on heat lol went to night club and ended up spending my friends and my money when it was us that where orderin but they had to sneek up n tell they bar man what they would like and jis add to our bill, afta that we went outside to make our way to the apartments when they grabbed us in for some food that they said we where paying for when did not have anything, them when the bill came it got past to me then it ended up a big argument because i was not paying for it, got taxi which they decided to jump in to aswell, tryed to make the taxi go the wrong way, followed us all the way to our bedroom door n the manager was telling them to get out but obviously they wanted jiggy jiggy lol, oOoOo and i forgot to mention that they both proposed to us.

Where was it? In Antalya maybe? I wouldn't be suprised....

:-S

Well, my boyfriend is 20 and he lives in Alanya. i have only known him for 2 months and in that time he has treated me with the utmost respect and affection.

he has never mentioned a visa, getting married in a hurry or doing anything crazy!

I have thought that we could get married as I have strong enough feelings for him, as I live in the UK it would be a great opportunity for him to study here and make a career for himself if he wanted to.

I have a 4 year old boy and was with his father for 5 years. in that time he never even came close to treating me the way that my turkish boyfriend does.

my mother lives over there and I am very happy to treat this relationship just like any other I would have - just because he is turkish hasn't stopped me falling in love with him very deeply and wanting to spend the rest of my life with him.

I don't think marriage is any different anywhere in the world if you are in love.

it was in altinkum

I am an Arab. I have always had this thing against arab guys. From what I see around me, it is very rare that a man would want a girl for who she is ( I'm speaking about the country I'm from) They'd just marry you....just to get married. and as a mean of having kids. You may think I really got the bad side of the picture. The only problem is it's the only part of the picture. THEY ARN'T MEN.
But when I went to Turkey. I've seen the best image of what a gentleman can be! They have the best manners ever. And another thing I know for sure is that thier tongues speaks for all the sweetness in the world. The turkish guys I know and have heard about know how to express themselves amazingly in words.
That all i wnated to say about them

I wish any non turkish woman the best of luck with a turkish guy. i am in a very serious relationship with turkish guy who is without a doubt the best thing that has ever happend to me. Let me tell you something. The mother is a very important factor when it comes to any possible future (and by future i mean a CHANCE to spend the rest of our lives together). if your lucky to be in good terms with the mother then you pretty much have earned the equivalent to a medal of honour for bravery. turkish families are quite strict about upholding traditions and sadly but truly most turkish families (again the mother playing a large factor in this) do not think that any woman other than a turkish woman is good enough for their son. i think i read that one of you were inquiring about rules that a turkish man may one day ask you for and believe you me they very much exsist and they will make of break your relationship. there will be rules that are easier to follow then others and some will truly test how much you are willing to sacrifice but the one thing that i will say with a heavy heart is that sometimes, despite your best efforts, you will begin to sacrifice yourself and who you are for someone who most likely are not willing to sacrifice for you. i hope i havent discouraged anyone because no one can define the limit when it comes to love.

Leyla

why do girls think that turkish men are very jealous?
it is better to say protective
isnt it?

Maybee they have bad experience with turkish guys
Protective , hm , i do not know ... can we call it like that ...
Maybee possesive is better!? What u think ?
Anyway , we talking about turkish guys , trying to learn more about culture , turkish language , and all things , that means we like it ...
And again , what i want to say is,love can fight with all troubles ...
Is normal if his family (read mom)wants the best for his son ,so if she has opinion that the best for him is Turkish girl, i do not see nothing bad in it ...
But the question is,what he think about it ?
I mean if u love somebody u do not care what other thinks about ur darling ...
u will leave all u have to be with ur love .
Isnt it true ?
I will do it all for really love , it doesnt matter is he white,black,Turk ,moslim,christian,if i love him.
My mom cant decide what is , and who is good for me.
She can , but it doesnt meen that is last word for me ...
That is my life and i will spend it with my darling not with my mom.
I do not know , maybee i am wrong , i just writing what i can sacrifice for love , i do not know for others ...

i don't have much experience with turkish guys - i met just two in real, but i have quite a lot of online friends. what always surprised me was how helpless they are when it comes to household chores. i mean, they seem so self-confident and mature (well, most of them) but they'd die of starvation if their mom is not home to cook something for them moreover, once my friend, he's 25, told me that it was his mother who tidies his room
needless to say - i was shocked! i'm sure it later influences the roles they play in their marriages.

I'm not suprised reading this. However I've met also turkish guys who can even cook! I have turkish friend who always says that he cooked fantastic spaghetti and I should learn how to cook turkish dishes. When I told him I hate cooking and I'm absolutely not talented it this subject he told me it's not a problem, because he can learn it for me if only I help him cutting onion I was shocked! What is more, those friends live in eastern Turkey which is thought to be move traditional and consevatistic. Men I met for example in Istanbul were much more lazy helpless and useless...

Hehehe this is good one
Check this out, one girl has a good idea , how to live with turkish guy ... this is what she wrote :

"pander to him let him think he's boss but all us woman know whos is the real boss ha"

Yes is true they like to see self like a boss, like somebody who has control...

I think everything was said here can be said about all men.Color, culture and other things do not count here.I believe that all men somehow are possesive.I don't say jelous, because , I think, if you love sombody and trust him/her, you can't be jelous.And that's right, duskahvesi, they are protective.
Aren't we, girls, same? It is human's nature - "He/she is mine"....

Hey Girls

i met a wonderful turkish man, and ive read all of what others have said here...but still not sure on what the man is really like. He's from Antalya....hmmm...any ideas? I heard from some that its the party capital?

Do you think turkish men are
1) Possesive of their women?
2) Free going with anyone?
3) say sweet thing easily?

Hi Cheekygirl,

I'm not an expert at answering these questions, but I think we all suffer these emotions.

For instance a mother's tears for her child is no different in any country.

Our boys hold back a lot of emotions as considered a weakness. They tend to be more reserved in this field.

I do know when I take messages to my bosses from their wives or girlfriends it is the most important and happy time in the day when they receive their phone call. They will stop whatever they are doing no matter how busy they are, and important their work is, at the time.

Angela

All,

I have just come back from Altinkum a few weeks ago.

I was in a large group with colleagues, where we met up occasionally. Although my friend and I had no relationships and I was there seeing to private business.
Two of our colleagues had boyfriends, one from the time previous, would be texting her and she was excited about going out to meet him.

He asked her for a mobile phone costing over £300, she bought a one and gave it to him around £100, she gave it to him on the first night and didn't see much of him after that. She said he was jealous of her funning with others in the complex, and he had blown her out because of this? He knew she had quite a good wage as she was managerial.

If you read ANDREA's write up. Her friend and her had disastrous experience of guys in same resort. It did not surprise me. We were forewarned that you have to be careful of Turkish guys, 80% of them want paid. I said, "older women"; and my agent said "no any age". This was advice from a Turk.

In May we were sitting at a restaurant and a Welsh lady often sat with us. She had been married to a Turkish man. She said, she even wore the long dress and veil, like a muslim woman. He was lovely to her and after 5 weeks of marriage he hit her. His mother said to her, you are lucky, "my husband broke my fingers with a stick".

I'm only putting this foreward, so be aware of these kind of men. I'm sure they are not all the same.

Aman tanrim...
This was really horrible story. I've also heard about such men,but I know not only Turkish men behave like that.It happens all over the world...
Again, read Lyndie's essay about Tourist industry in Turkey, maybe it will help you to understand why so many Turks in touristic places behave in that way.

some turkish ppl believe that every tourist is rich..
according to tjem, what u take from tourist is a benefit..
so be carefully..
and about hitting, may dad never hit my mum.. he is muslim too.. it changes culturel ebvironment and what to understand from being muslim..it depends on being human, to care your wife etc etc..

Hi Dusk,

I'm pleased to hear it is against the grain hitting a woman and your father respected your mother.

It is nice to hear first hand coming from a Turkish man.

i have some experience of the possessiveness of Turkish guys. I have a very close friend, NOT a boyfriend. When he is alone with me outside, he is very very possessive and jealous. For example. I went to stay with him in the summer for a few days. He was working in a hotel. I told him that I would stay in the town by myself while he was working. He took me to the beach and put me on a sunbed. he then wanted me to give him my money and credit card and phone and camera, because he said I wasn't 'safe' to have it all alone. I refused (obviously) because i'm a girl who loves to shop! and I said I needed my camera for photographs and my phone in case I needed him (he agreed to this) but he got really distressed that i would be alone all day with all my money and credit card and camera. Anyway, He settled me on the sunbed and said he would send someone to 'look after' me.

After 5 minutes i got bored and went off walking. He was phoning me within minutes...'where are you? I sent my friend to look after you and you weren't there - are you alright, what are you doing, who is talking to you blah blah blah'

On the bus when i was going to his town, I met 2 boy students, they were going the same say as me and they said they would help me. I was alone and was worried about not being able to speak turkish, the bus trip was 9 hours and I was a little worried about some small things. Whilst I was talking to them my friend phoned me to find out when i would arrive at his town. i said I had made 2 friends who would look after me on the bus - he demanded to speak to them. There was a long discussion between my friend and the 2 boys and when they finished he told me that they were going to 'guard' me on the bus and that he had 'thanked them' - They took the job very seriously, and when another man started talking to me they were constantly asking me if i was alright - this man eventually touched my hand, the 2 boys went mad and shouted at him (in turkish) and the man never spoke to me again. When I arrived at my destination and told my friend, he also went mad and his mother told me later that he wanted to find the man (who was quite well known in the small town) and beat him.

Each day, when it was time for me to go back home to his home, he would call me on my phone and tell me I had to come back because his mother was waiting for me. He didn't finish work for several hours after this so I had to go home on the bus by myself. He would wait with me for the bus, make sure i had enough small money for the fare, and his mother would be waiting for me when I got off the bus at the other end of the journey. It was planned like a mmilitary operation, he even used to give the bus driver instructions when I got on the bus. God knows what he used to say to him!

another time, we were sitting outside a bar - I wanted to go inside to the 'tuvalet' - he wanted to take me and when i said 'no' he got quite upset. When I did go inside, i was 'checked out' by some men sitting by the door. He noticed this and was fuming. He was glaring at the men for the rest of the time. Now! to my point (finally) - he calls this 'protecting' me. In small doses it is quite seductive, because he does make me feel like a precious princess. BUT - i am a modern, independent European woman and I'm not even his gf. What would he be like if I were? Also being treated like a precious princess is alright in small doses, but it started to feel like oppression to me after only a couple of days.

He would not understand the meaning of oppression in this context - but it would be a real problem for some women I think.

Anyway, I love him lots and I put up with his strange ways. he is coming to live with us soon for 1 year and he is going to have to change when he is in england or he'll end up in jail!

It does all make you wonder about the friendships that you make with Tukish men, after reading all these posts! I am friends with some really lovely men who work in Altinkum. They have never asked me for anything. They seem very genuine and true. There are good and bad in all cultures.

Lindaxxx, you areabsolutely right
and Dushkahvesi, you are right. It really doesn't depend on religion and culture it depends on what kind of person one is. Everywhere there are bad and good people.
And Lyndie- I'm not suprised about your friend's behaviour. According to what my Turkish friend said, most of Turkish men don't trust other Turkish man and as I notice myself, there are a lot of really bad and dangerous people among them. He was trying to care about you the best he could, but for us, European women it's a little irritating...

In Turkiye about 30% of the male population is maganda. It takes me 30 seconds to tell you if a Turkish man is a maganda or not. Unfortunately for foreign people this might take a few weeks or months.
I personally wouldn’t talk to any maganda the way I talk to friends. I'm a Turkish male but I feel uncomfortable among magandas. If I have to, I talk to them in a formal way. This will be a limited speech you do with a taxi driver, dolmuş driver or in a shop.
The Turkish woman might talk to the magandas as well. But it will be very formal and short.
Unfortunately since foreign woman don’t understand what a maganda is they become very close to these magandas in a short time which means asking for trouble and nothing else.
Do you know what a maganda is? Let me try to explain. A maganda can be educated or not, can be grown in a big city or in a small village. Between educated folks there will be less maganda and among uneducated folks there will be more. Among people who listen to arabesk music there will be more maganda and who don’t listen there will be less. All magandas have a desire to football but most football fans are not magandas. Also most magandas will enjoy their free times with male friends and will go to "kahve", a place where they drink lots of tea, smoke like hell and play card games. But not all regulars of these places will be maganda. Some of them will be ordinary people who are retired or others who have nothing better to do.
For a maganda there are two kind women. Either women are ethical and get married before having sex or they are not ethical and have sex will all the man they come across to. Unfortunately magandas will think that all female tourist from European countries are unethical.
A maganda is proud to have a hairy chest, they very much enjoy rude speech among male friends and they especially enjoy to talk about their experiences with unethical woman. For them this is something to be proud of. Actually for a maganda it is impossible to speak politely among male friends so this an important way to distinguish them.
A typical maganda will listen loud arabesk music when driving a car and will spit on roads.
Again around the same population of this magandas there is a female population who share the same interests with them. These women wouldnt mind spending time with magandas. But almost all educated Turkish women can recognise a maganda or a "maganda like" almost immediately. They certainly would prefer to stay away.

OOhhh...just to clear a few things up here.

My friend has NEVER EVER asked me for anything. When i said he wanted to take my credit cards, money etc. He only wanted to look after them, because he was afraid i would be robbed. He is always telling me off for showing my money when i go to pay for something.

He is not a bad person in any sense of the word

Seticio was quite right in her observations - his motives were completely about protecting me.

He is however, jealous and possessive of me, but again in his mind, this is protection, because he thinks I am unable to distinguish between a 'bad' person and a 'good' person because I can't speak turkish and can't read the 'cultural' signs - and of course he is probably quite right about this. I think that he would also agree with Erdinc about Maganda - he has actually tried to explain this to me himself and i didn't understand what he was talking about until I read Erdinc's explanation.

The jealousness and the possessiveness are about 'protecting' my reputation from the attentions of Maganda's I think, because he would also agree with what Erdinc has said about European women. He is very particular about my behaviour and dress when I am with him (as I am myself) in his home town, so I hope I didn't give the wrong impression about him. He is not Maganda himself and his behaviour is probably with my best intentions at heart, but also as Seticio has said, it can be a little irritating at times.

However, when you have a close relationship with someone from another culture, particularly the differences between him and myself - you have to 'take the rough with the smooth' as we say in England. Which means, all the things i love about him are a combination of all those religious, social and cultural differences that makes him the person he is and so this irritating over protectiveness and possessiveness are also part of who he is - and I wouldn't really want to change anything about him!

Sorry - another question what is 'arabesk' music please Erdinc? I have not heard this expression before.

Lyndie
"Sorry - another question what is 'arabesk' music please Erdinc? I have not heard this expression before."

Hello Lynda,
It is some kind of sick music for people for find who enjoy pain and sorrow. It has some arabic rythims and instruments.
Here you can find lots of arabesk music. The king of this kind music is Müslüm Gürses.
http://www.turkishmusic.org/index3.html
He is famous by fans cuttings their chest in his concerts. Not all arabesk listeners are this extreme certainly. But the main motive is pain and sorrow. Usuall an arabesk listener will blame everyone, the world, the destiny or the woman who run away.

Hehehe - I looked at this site.

I am shocked to discover that i am an 'arabesk' lover! OMG! Most of the music I like is like this. Not all but a lot. I didn't like Muslum Gurses I have to say, but I see that Ozcan Deniz, Mashun K whom I like are on this 'arabesk' page.

Ismail YK - is their music considered 'arabesk'? They weren't on the page, but I'm thinking there certainly is something of a similarity. Maybe arabesk gibi?

Actually all my good turkish friends HATE my taste in music. Maybe this is why.

i went to a turkish restaurant in England recently and I guess from your description all the men in their were maganda and the women maganda fans! Goodness this is a real learning experience for me.

Do maganda's have any sort of dress code? I was just wondering if they act a certain way, they may dress a certain way too. Also would they call themselves by this name? :-S

Linda.
I'm not sure if you are english, but I have a sneaking suspicion that maganda's are awfully like our average (low)working class english, pie eating, beer swilling, belching, farting, over the pub with their mates all night, male chauvanist piggy, woman abusing, football hooligan etc etc.

The tourist version of this english species can be seen in Turkey particularly in Marmaris at night wearing fake designer clothing or more usually football shirts and tracksuit bottoms, hanging around the 'British pubs', refusing to eat 'foreign muck' and looking for chips with everything, drinking themselves senseless every night (they only go for the cheap beer in the first place) They wear excessive amounts of vulgar gold jewellery, swear a lot, call all women 'darlin' or 'babe' or 'chick' or 'me duck' depending on whether they are from the south or the north, are usually sickneningly racist, call all Turks 'Robert' and 'John' and frankly embarrass the hell out of me that they are my fellow countrymen.

Hopefully I haven't insulted anyone, its just a little lighthearted 'stereotyping'

Merhaba Lyndie,

I am English, so I know only too well what you are talking about. I know have a very vivid picture (and not a very nice on at that) of what one would look like........I am pleased to say that I have never come accross one, but next time I am in Turkey I will look out for one, just for curiostity I'm going to Turkey again in October.

I am also going to Turkey again next month. I am going to Izmir and Ankara. Sadly only for 7 days, but I did have 3 weeks in the summer.....

Actually, I also feel I know exactly the type of person Erdinc is talking about.

Lindaxxx wrote:
"Do maganda's have any sort of dress code? I was just wondering if they act a certain way, they may dress a certain way too. Also would they call themselves by this name?"

Magandas would never call them by this word. "Sen magandasın." means you are a very rude person.
They will try to act as tough and as male as possible. Interestingly a maganda wouldnt mind to listen to a shemale artist. In entertainment clubs for magandas shemale singers are common.
There are certain things about maganda' wearing. As I said they like to show their chest hair. So they will open the top bottons of their shirt. For shirts the most popular colors will be purple or red. Bottoms will be grey, dark green or black. They also like golden jevelry but dont like silver. So if you see a man with lots of chest hair and a golden necklace, run a mile. Silver has a symbolic meaning for moslims. Magandas are not very religious but they are close to it and very traditional.
A maganda wouldnt wear trainers or shorts.
A typical maganda would have a mustache and would like to play with his mustache in public. They will also prefer to have a dirty beard. I mean the short beard you have after a few days of shaving.
They would like to wave their hands around when talking. But this is a less important detail. Swearing is the most typical thing.

I dont belive magandas can be compared to the lower class English man. They will be especially different on relations with women.

I cant find any photograph of a typical maganda but I found this drawing:
http://www.students.itu.edu.tr/~arun/Maganda.jpg
As you migh see the man is holding his heart with one hand. This is considered to be a welcome message among magandas.
This kind extreme maganda like in the drawing isnt very common but some aspects and values can be found in a wider population.

Thanks Erdinc, I don't think I really know anyone like this (thank God).
Erdinc, can you tell us what the symbolism of silver is for muslims please?

I dont know too much about this issue. I mean I dont know for instance the reason. But especially a silver is a moslim symbol more popular among radical moslims.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading about magandas. Thanks for it Erdinc! To my amusement I discovered that, as a matter of fact, I met quite a lot of them while I was in Side this summer. Actually half of the hotel stuff fall into this category of men All of them would give you long looks but if you ignored them...I remember one morning, shortly after my arrival and after my friend and I had a bit "hard" night out tasting Turkish drinks, we came to the restaurant for breakfast. We were still half asleep making our way to the coffee machine like zombies when I heard someone shouting at me. When I managed to identify the source of noise and turn my head towards this diretion I saw it was one of the waiters attacking me for not replaying to his "good morning." Feeling somewhat weak I muttered "hi" and went to my table. The guy just wouldn't let it go. He came to our table and asked what was wrong with me since I hadn't replied to him. Yeap - he had a hairy chest and the top of his shirt unbuttoned. I'd give my right arm for his being a maganda

That is a scary looking picture Erdinc! he he he at least I know what to look out for now! Thinking back I think there were a few outside a bar in Dolphin Square in Altinkum! Reading your posts on the subject have been very entertaining Erdinc.....It has brightend up my dull Monday morning in the office

WOW I had no idea that those people are called as maenda, but I noticed that there is a kind of people I really dont like- and it was exactly what Erdinc was talking about. I didn't need weeks or months to understand that I should stay away of them. That was kind of people I really hate.
I suppose they also use lots of hair gel

I'm also very interested in symbolic meaning of silver, does anyone knows something more about it?
I'm curious because I love silver...

maganda sorry
yeni kelime

Would a typical Turkish wife be expected to cook, clean and look after her husband? Are they allowed to work once married? In torist areas you hardly ever see women working.

I would like to have the best of both worlds by holding down a full time job and also looking after the house.....with help from the husband of course

women cam have a job of course but they have to spend more energy than usual...

I guess by your reply dusk, you don't think that the husband should help.

Is it that a woman can have a job of course, as long as she also looks after the house properly.

If i complain to my friend that I don't have time to clean properly, he says - 'then why do you work?'

husband can help but not all the time
at last me

I think that if both husband and wife work full time then they should be help each other.

my wife must look after my children
not any other woman

I totally agree duskahvesi! I wouldn't let another woman look after my children, apart from my mother.

I agree. I looked after my own children (4 of them) apart from when my mum or my mother in law babysat if I went out.
BUT - what about that then duskhavesi. In England, it is quite normal for a wife to go out drinking and dancing with her friends and leave her husband at home looking after the children!

What would you think of that all you turkish guys!

I seems I'm a veru lucky person, becuse my boyfriend says it's no problem for him, he can look after children and it's not olny wife's obligations. He also cooks very well, also washes the dishes and is able to clean a house and he didn't think woman is the only person who does it at house. I also don't think it's woman's obligation. My boyfriend agrees with me. Marriage is a partnership for me as well for him.
And my boyfriend is Turk.

Duskahvesi, I'm very sorry for your future wife...

In Poland it is also normal that husband looks after his chldren as well as wife. And it's nothing strange.

everyone has a different feature..
so do i..
i cant lok after coz i hate smth which baby gice smth to outside
if the girl whom i will mary she wouldknow what i would do...
so this wont be a obstacle for us...

and everone is having gf/bf etc..
except me..
i wonder wny not me???

Your turn will come dusk...
but when it does, maybe you should revise your views on the 'roles and responsibilities' of a woman a little bit

it has to change...
otherwise we cant be couple [or course not with u hehe ]

i went on holiday this year, and met the perfect guy for me? he loves me and i love him but i am english. i wanted to kno can a turkish guy marry a english girl?? i mean we had a wonderful 2wks 2gva, but i have been told that some turkish blokes just want an english person for a passport and visa. but i know my bloke has one but does he always just want me for sex?? he keeps saying he loves but does he really? please reply someone

if u dont know teh person exactly u cant say..
and the answer changes for every person...
it depends on his character ...not our comments..

marriage is a partnership melek so you'd have to be willing to change a few things, since as a wife your life would also change.

and there lies the biggest and oldest problem of all. Most turkish guys (it seems to me) say
'don't do as I do - do as i say' - the partnership is not so equal.

Trouble is, it is not just the individual guys ideas that need to change. Because even if the boy himself is prepared to be more liberal, he'll be under pressure from his family friends and society generally to behave in a traditional way.

So your boy might feel that your relationship should be more equal, but everyone else will not allow him act in this way.

Can someone tell me if women in Turkey are allowed to have male friends? or is it frowned upon? I ask as a lot of men seem so possesive. Even if you just talk to someone on MSN as friends, they do not want you to talk to another male? :-S

they can have..
in that time,i met with mf gf^elder brother

well, looks like its gona be a power struggle lol the more im told not to do it the more i will do it!!so wish us luck!haha

in most cases turkish wannts to have the power over the wife and the family.most turkish man does not want there wife to work.but know it change now most of the womens work depending on the place you live in.

hello girls, I see you have got a lot of questions about turkish men. I think I have some answers for you.

The most clever thing you can do when you met a Turkish man is to look at his environment. What kind of family he is coming from, what kind of freinds he has got, what kind of place he comes from, what kind of education he has (prolly more importand than you think). If the man you think you may like to be in a relationship withs not the same level as you, the relationship or the marriage won't work out for you. Because this level has not got much to do with the cultural differences.
I have been reading and have seen that many of you guys have been interested in men who work at the hotel you have stayed or work at restourants you have been to. Imagine how many women he meets where he works... You may not be as special as you think you are for him..... It doesn't really matter how sweet he is to you. Most of them are sweet to many women. Turkish culture is changing slowly and not many women can have free relationships there really. Sex is almost forbiden for many women. So those men you meet in the bars pubs or in the touristic places are happy to see women who they can have a good time with. Turkish women do love hearing sweet things and getting attention from guys- So those men are used to that. They know what a woman wants to hear. But also turkish women are taught their role in the relationship, which is probably different than yours and has a lot more responsbilities than yours. So make sure that you are able and willing to give that as well in a longer period. The best way to understand is that to live with him for a while before jumping into marriage. Many women in Turkey are not allowed to do that but living with a woman before getting married is never a problem for your Turkish boyfriends. Doesn't that sound a little bit unfair? It does and thats the way it is so try to understand what is expected of you as a woman and how much you suit these criterions. It is prolly something that you can do better than him.

Turkey is a warm country and that makes those men warmer, which is very normal. Just like italian men. They are handsome and love women..... But if the guy is kind to you for six months it doesn't mean they are going to be like that for ever. So if you really like someone take your time and get to know him better. If he rushes you into marriage just forget about him.
There was a good remark about turkish men and handling households. That was very true. Very few men in Turkey agree to share houswork at home with their families. That is just how it is in Turkey. It does not matter if your boyfriend can handle, though. The point here is if he wants to share.

AND the most importand thing is his family. Turkish people have big families and most of the girls live with their parents till they get married and the boys also live with their parents so long until when they are over their twenties. That is why it is so importand. You have to know what kind of people he lived with for over 20 years and how he was reised... If you see things that are wrong, just ask him nicely and without being critical HOW HE SEES IT. Things that seem horrible to you may not be that horrible to him actually. That will give you hints of his possible attitude in the future. So instead of judging him have conversations with him about life and what he is used to and what he really wants for his future.

When it comes to jealousy, yes many of them are very, very jelaouse once they know you are their girl. I had a turkish boyfriend and he loved the way I was in the beggining and after eight nine months he started telling me not to wear sleevless tops and this guy studied at university at the time and was not even religious. Eventually we broke up.

If you find yourself a nice MODERN turkish guy who has time for you, who lets you get to know him better, who is tolerant, who is well educated who is willing to learn about your culture as much as you are willing to learn about his, who is really interested in your life and in learning to deal with your friends and family as well, DO NOT let him go... Those Turkish men can really be the best friends and best men in the world who would never let you down.... But then again it does not mean every Turkish men who spoils you in the beggining has these characteristics. So let him do things for you and do take your time...

Good luck girls...

Hello lily,
welcome to the Turkish Class Forums. I hope you will enjoy your stay. When reading your post I was very surprised how well you know Turkish men and culture. I'm a Turkish man but probably I couldnt explain things better than you did.

Individualism among Turks isnt as developed as we would expect in western countries. As you explained very well, relations with family might be very different than you would expect. Usually if a Turkish man comes from a traditional familiy he will care a lot about his parents' opinions even about his private life and marriage. Here I should add that all "practising" islamic families are very traditional.
In the past when Turks yet didnt choose islam, the women's role was very different in the community. They could discuss important things and they would participate in desicions. I mean not only in desicions related to the family and family members but also on issues about the community as well. Turks at the time were a travelling community living in tents. They didnt know about farming but they were a hunting community. So, they were hunting, figting and travelling around. They were experts on horses. Woman could have their say on issues like settling down in a new place or on issues like war and piece. They would join and public celebration and would have a drink all together. It was like a democracy. Later with the acceptance of islam things have changed dramatically. In my experience in small towns as a teacher I have seen folks who even dont count the girls. I asked a man how many kids he had and he said five. I asked how many of them were boys and girls, he said these were the boys and he didnt count the three girls because they would go to a husband anyway.
These kind man are having a new wife around each ten years without getting even divorced. Certainly only if they are able to afford it because usually they need to pay to the girls family to take her. As you probably can tell noone will ask the 16 year old girl if she wants to marry a 45 year old man with 2 wives. They dont divorce because the religion tells them its acceptable also the older wives do the homework and take of kids while the man can enjoy a good time with the younger wives.
I'm only telling these details because I want you to understand the extreme situation of living a traditional life in Türkiye.
With the help of Atatürk's revolutions Turks have changed a lot since the foundation of the Turkish Republic in 1923. Everything changed in a short time. From the alphabet to the clothing, from the low system to the education, everything you can imagine has changed. The population in big cities rised continuously as well as the ratio of educated people.
Unfortunately as we can see even these days, Türkiye during the long journey towards a modern country, has never had any support from the countries which were taken as an example. Only the most popular aspects of western culture became common and the background is still a bit shaky. Also the opposite, in this case the extermism has grown stronger as a response. So as a result in the same country we now have lots of extremists and we have lots of wannabees (people who like to wear branded clothes and like to listen any rubbish american pop music and by doing that they feel very much satisfied in life) but we also have the mixture of the two above which I really find very sick. There are certainly some normal people.
I think to know a Turkish men good enough you need to live together for a while, possibly for two years. If this is not possible going to holiday together to a new place for him will be a great idea. I would suggest you to try to understand if the person has the personallity to live an individual life on his own or if the person is the kind who likes to live a life as a big community with all the family members, relatives, neigbours, and the rest of islamic brothers and sisters. If the person doesnt have an individual life he is very much likely not to let you have yours.

To Susie,

could you please tell me how long you have been married and how old you are as I intend to marry my boyfriend next year after i have qualified to be a solicitor?. & do u live in england?

Ok I am going to have to strongly disagree with Erdinc and his posts on turks who are 'maganda'.
My Uncle has a hairy chest and wears gold (and doesn't mid showing it off - if it's hot)and listens to loud music in his car and yes also swears ALOT! but this does not mean he is 'maganda'!.....he is very happy with my aunt and has my 20 year old cousin to prove that they are still happily together as a family.

My unlce also likes to smoke and play poker but as I say he is far from being 'maganda' because as you say 'maganda' people are ones who like to only have 'certain' things from many women and my uncle is definatly NOT one of those. He loves my aunt very much and they are still happily together, just becasue of his rudeness and the way he acts does not mean he is 'maganda'...it's just the way he acts and it's himself and he doesn't try to be someone he isn't.

The way he acts is who I love as my uncle and I know he would never be like someone you are trying to describe as bad...ahhh you should see him in a funny mood. çok komik ya!

With the greatest respect to you, and your uncle, how can you EVER know what someone does in their private life. He may well be loving towards your Aunt, but does this mean he does not have his secrets?!!

I want to marry...

Unnecessary...

i met a turkish guy online a few weeks ago. he eems like a nice guy based on our conversations. he isn't pushy also when he asked me to be his girlfriend.

right now, i think i am falling for him...and confused mostly. i have doubts if the relationship will work out. for one, im catholic and he's a muslim. also there are cultural differences. what should I do know if he's truly sincere of his feelings. what should i ask and do just to make make sure he is the right one for me?

he is currently single, is educated and works in UAE.

Be very very cautious, treat him like the stranger he is and don't give away too much personal information ~ good luck

i may sound silly but can you explain more about being very very cautious? thank you.

Marriages by the Internet is successful , ihave friend( girl )from canada married turkishman by internet

Sounds like a marriage made in heaven - don't have to sleep together or wash dirty socks

..yes and fast forward the bad bits - and replay the favourites

...indeed - trust you to be quick to notice

ohhh ghost, you usually make (komik )to our post
this is not the first example about marriage by internet, yes she is from canada but he is turkishman live in USA, then she moved to USA , what is the strange in it, ill PM you then to know all the story of this marry to believe that,
ok We will vote on who says that marriage through the Internet, successful or not
pleas vote

as you like

Hi.I never thought my questions would be such an interest. I was just thinking of spending more time to know him better, that he is worth knowing more. Getting married at this point is so out of the picture. I felt asking those questions because I do not know the culture of Turkish men.

There are people from other cultures who met, got married and are still together through letter correspondence. A good classmate of mine from India met his wife through an announcement in classified ads. I personnally know a handful of people who met their future spouses online. I am thankful for the responses to my questions. But I hope some of you should not look down at marriages, lest the relationships, of people who met in non-traditional ways.

Getting into a relationship is a choice, and the circumstances surrounding how you initially met don't really matter anymore when both of you are willing to sort things out.

Hi Leyla

I can definately appreciate what you are saying....in my case it's the father....hard man.

Lucky me my fiance's brother and mother are on my side!!!

But so true because any time he mentions me in front of his father the man loses it. Its just upsetting to see him torn.....but I seem to be winning this battle.

Well he will hopefully be here soon and we can work on the family later but thank goodness his mom likes me!!!

I was married to a foreigner before and I know about the differences etc....but i really believe it all boils down to the individuals in love and how equal are they in wanting to spend the rest of their lives together and how much are they willing to work on it? I think plays a huge factor.

Thanks,
V

...the one with the white stick perhaps...

]

i ll marry turkish guy in sinagog,soon

All those smilies are making me dizzy..