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"When you think that you can slip between countries and cultures with ease, never fully belonging but always at home, then you have become a seasoned world traveler. People often ask me which country I like best, Turkey or America. I usually answer both have positive and negative points.
Another question that I am always asked is what life is like for Muslim women. Sometimes the Western press portrays situations in a way that makes it appear like all Muslim women are suffering. Often Western women are of the opinion that all Muslim women need to be liberated.
It is true that in some ways Muslim women’s lives are alien to Westerners, and yet in many ways, we have similarly felt needs and share the same universal human nature.
During the time that I have lived here in Turkey, I have learned of the joys and sorrows, hopes and daily routines of a cast of characters: my neighbors, my work colleagues, my friends.
Position has an important role in society here. For instance, family ties are important. I have some friends who are related to the Cebesoy family. Also, the position of your husband determines your status in society.
Being a foreigner, you cross social lines that Turks may not. During my time here, I have become acquainted with women who are members of the privileged class and those who are not. One friend’s father owned a carpet shop and another friend was the wife of the CEO of a large company and another was a widowed housewife with one daughter.
In eastern Turkey, I made friends with a family who were of Turkic nomadic origin while conducting official research on the demographic patterns of Afghans of Turkic origin. The husband had three wives. Although polygamy is not legally allowed in Turkey, these refugees were granted permission to bring their wives and children with them when they moved to Turkey as refugees from Pakistan in the 1980s. This husband’s three wives have a special status in society because their husband was the head of a clan.
Most educated women in Turkey have a status in their own right, such as those who are professionals working as CEOs, principals of schools, educationalists, medical personnel, artists, etc.
Social life is rapidly changing in urban areas as children are being sent to private schools across town, and they are making friends at school. Private school programs are demanding in terms of time. Often, children do not know who their neighbors are because they are not home that much. However, years ago in Turkey -- and still true to some degree in villages today -- boys and girls from the same neighborhood all played together until age 11 or 12.
Of course, in a more traditional Muslim community, you may find that women prefer to marry men within their own circle or tribe. In more remote areas or very conservative Muslim backgrounds, there are still some situations where arranged marriages occur, but it is not so common. Due to traditional Islamic culture in which a man and woman are not supposed to meet face to face until their wedding day, marrying a man from her own tribe (or of your parents’ choice) gave a woman a backdoor way of selecting her own husband. After all, when you have grown up playing together for years, you get to know each other well. Sometimes, the women had specific men from among their old set of playmates that they had picked out as a hoped-for future spouse, an arrangement which could then be made by the woman’s family.
When Western foreigners hear that couples have arranged marriages, they strongly dislike the interference of parents in the matter, but actually, foreigners do not realize that not all arranged marriages are bad.
As an anthropologist, I have had the opportunity to travel in many countries in Central Asia and the Middle East and have recognized that these preconceptions work both ways. Just as my friends in the US feel my female Muslim friends live their lives surrounded by prohibitions, my Muslim friends seem equally prejudiced about my homeland. It is very hard to overcome cultural barriers.
Turkey is rapidly changing. Given the major ways in which Turkish culture and politics have changed over the past 30 years, it will be fascinating to observe how changes play out at the ground level, in both villages and urban areas.
I love slipping between cultures and countries with more and more ease, never fully belonging but always at home".
http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/yazarDetay.do?haberno=172011
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