I thought we could use a joke thread so live life with laughter and post your jokes here!

here are a few of my favourite jokes.in a conversation style..

Man:Are you tired because you have been running through my mind all day?
Woman:Yes, I was looking for a brain cell.

Man: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Woman: I did, until you came along

Man: Do you think you could fall in love with me?
Woman: Only if I was pushed

Man:Are u a magician because I think you have me under your spell?
Woman: No,if I was you wouldn't be here now

Man: You take my breath away
Woman: Then why are you still breathing?

just a few small jokes to tickle you

These I saw in Japan, in a cafe for expacts:

Men are like ….
chocolate bars – sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips
parking spots – all the good ones are taken and the rest is handicapped
commercials – you can’t believe a word they say
popcorn – they satisfy you, but only for a short while
mascara – they usually run at the first sight of emotion
lava lamps – fun to look at but not very bright
laxatives – they irritate the shit out of you

(And men, do not get angry....
)

3 Jokes about faithful friends...

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

I love this thread!! Thanks to those who have posted jokes so far, I enjoyed them.

Hehe I am glad you have enjoyed them so far lovebug......ahhh it's good to see that it's making people laugh

Men are like..... Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied, and can keep you up all night long.

Men are like..... Commercials.
You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like..... Computers.
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory.

Men are like..... Coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like..... Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like..... Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like..... Bank Accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate interest.

Men are like..... Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like..... Used Cars.
Both are easy-to-get, cheap, and unreliable.

Men are like..... Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

Men are like..... Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like..... Weather.
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

Men are like..... Blenders.
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like..... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like..... Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like..... Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

(and still I do love some of you, guys....)

after living in South America for a while I got used to hearing all the 'machista' jokes...here are a couple translated from Spanish so that the 'men' don't feel left out!

Q. Why don't women ski?
A. Snow doesn't last long in the kitchen.

Q. Why do women wear white when they get married?
A. Because it matches the kitchen appliances.

Q. When is a women most intelligent?
A. When she's pregnant. She's guaranteed to have at least two brain cells then!

Ok...just a few that I remembered from my time spent there. No offense ladies...we know we're smarter than these no brainer 'machista' jokes!!!!