Hi there

Just wondering what turkish men expect women to do in most relationships and what the average attitudes are towards life. I guess i am being a bit vague here but its always good to start with a large topic and narrow in on whats important.

Cheers

How boring !!!
I have four children sometimes seven but I still need to party otherwise life would be just waiting for children to grow up and then waiting to die!!

how about turkish guys of the new generation? are they more open-minded with some western ideas? letting their wives to work and have social life?

i dont mind having an immaculate house...or looking after OUR little babies...but i dont think id stay at home all day everyday! Id drive myself insane!

Of course every life needs balance.
When I am with my children I am with them totally and everything I do is for them.
When I am at work I am completely absorbed in a job I love.
If I am with friends I am there with them completely.
If I am with a lover I am there with abandon.

Everything is important work, home, play, study I wouldn't want to give up anything!! Why should I just because I am female

everyone listen up.... if u want a turkish guy... just make sure u get a modern one!!

yeh by the way... my father is very "traditonal"... my mums just put him on ebay hihi.. starting price 99p... free postage and PACKAGING
any bidders?? hehe

For years society has needed the two wages to survive in Western Society.

Years ago the man got a bigger wage than a female. This was when the days were when he supported a wife. Now it is equal, therefore requiring two wages to live.

Now we still don't know that their attitude agaisnt women is, do we? Modern men, speak up!

AND BE HONEST!!!

Ermmm, it will be difficult to say something. I'll just try to generalize and explain what I've seen around. But you can meet a turkish man exactly opposite of this explanation.
Culture greatly influences men's behaviours to women and what they expect from them. And in Turkey there exists different cultures and traditions. The east, the west, the north, the south really changes. In some parts, men don't approve their women to work and behave like a western woman. But I suppose they're not for you and it's useless to tell about them. They're so unacceptable things for you and me.
So let's generalize the turkish men who have a high education and are modern and live in cities. They don't prevent their women from working and going out with her friends, but still they're quite jealous and don't like their women to come home late or not to ask them before giving their decisions. They don't like their women to wear very short things (ofcourse except summer places and beaches), they don't like them to go to discos or bars without them. They expect their women to dedicate themselves to them and do sacrificies for them. They like good housewives, you should know how to cook well and how to do houseworks. You should be a very good mother for your children. You should behave his mother as she's also your mother. You should respect his family very much. You should let him meet his male friends (their male friends are very important for turkish men), you should be very tolerant to him if he wants to watch a football match (most of them are football fans). You should make him feel as he is a real man, and you need him to protect you. You shouldn't look at other men and you shouldn't behave very closely to men other than him. You shouldn't wait him to be too gentilman like opening the doors for you all the time, having dinners in the candle lights ehehehe.

Are these a bit helpful? ehehehehee

Oh - that would be no good for me-I like my man to cook and clean and sometimes I like to go out with my girlfriends and get very drunk and then come home late and demand that he wake up and satisfy my needs!!

This would not go down well with the Turkish male then????

well said mltm

If a Turkishman's wife worked, then she would have her independence. She would not be relying solely on her husband. This is where he would not feel the main provider. He would also not feel the respect of a male, that the stay at home housewife would give.

Personally, I think he would feel he would lose the macho husband image being protective and providing for his wife and family.

I don't think it would go down with the Turkish culture where they lived and he would probably feel inferior to his surroundings. The culture is very important to prove he can provide for wife and family. The male seemingly still has to some degree dominance in the household. And, as someone stipulates, what is expected is the wife, to be quiet and allow him to have his male friends.

Can someone tell me how to do the quote thing-is it by cutting and pasting!

it just says "quote" see...?

Well Miss C-I'm a woman who likes to be on top--in more ways than one!!

I know someone who is married to someone....and the man basically needs a wife who cooks like Delia Smith, looks like Liz Hurley, drinks like a fish, 'goes' (I am being polite) like a rabbit and has a dad with a motorbike shop! Her reward should she exist would be to be married to someone who likes to keep all the money and hand it out when it suits hm. Never thanks or praises her for the good things she does, but shouts and screams and complains if something goes wrong, only bathes once per week and just comes and goes as it pleases him....

and...I forgot to add is English........

Well she needs to kick that one right out of bed- baths once a week he'd be sleeping in the garden shed if he was mine!!!
They have to at least smell nice even if they're not too good in bed (they can always be taught a thing or two in that department he he he)

I don't think there will be sooo much of a problem if we, women, (ohh how i love to generalize every now and then ) would accept the fact that 'our men' need to feel powerful.
I don't wanna cook and wash 24/7, but I'm not aiming for a fulltime job with good salary. There should be balance. And balance doesnt mean you do both 50% of the household. Balance means your happy with the situation because you feel youre not on your own about things.
Sometimes i feel i love him so much, that i would subject myself to him, that I'd be his slave if that's what he wants from me. But that is love: i feel i'm able to do that, because i know he won't ask that from me.
I once said: You have so much power over me, will you promise me never to use that power against me, askim? . He answered: Do you respect me? I said: Ofcourse i do!He smiled and said: If i ever use my power over you against you, would you still respect me?I said that I didnt think i would.. He said: If i loose your respect, I'll loose my power. And you'll be a free strong girl
I think he's damn right about that!

And.. their power.. they only have as much power as we give them. So in the end, aren't we the powerful ones?!

Those with power have never been keen on giving away their privileges, no matter if we are talking kings, dictators, white coloured, or men... They have always had well formulated arguments to why they should hold on to their privileges.

In my country we have a say: the people have the government it deserve. And I don’t mean to be cynical (I am well aware of the difficulties), but as long as there are women accepting to be oppressed…there will be men taking advantage.

And I am not talking about love… Because love hasn’t got anything to do with this, as far as I am concerned.

The human being has the intellectual capacity to change her/his way of thinking. We can change...and as a matter of fact, a lot has changed over the past 100 years to the majority of women allowed to speek in this forum. But we have to go further... And having this kinds of conversations is one way, I think!

I have been reading many posts and have to consider myself quite blessed. My Turkish boyfriend has proposed and we are to be married next year. I work full time from my home and he is an engineer. We will reside in the US. We are both from different religions, and have talked all of that out. He is old fashioned in many ways but modern also. He respects my intelligence, and I his. He is very caring, calm, and respectful. I like making him feel like a man. I see nothing wrong with that. I life the fact that his family is very important to him, and he accepted my son as his own. The man is extremely romantic and my dream come true. I just wanted you to realize that there are many Turkish men who fall in the middle and are not so modern or so old-fashioned, and I wish you all the best with your relationships.

turkeylvr

Thanks for sharing your experience and I am happy for you that you have found the man of your dreams!

In a conversation like this, where there are many points of views displayed, I guess it is normal that things are painted a bit in black and white to make our ideas more easy to follow. But that does not change the fact that in 2005 there are a lot of women in this world (not all) being oppressed by men, and that many of those men (not all) even uses love as an argument for their abuse.

And your happiness is not an argument in that debate I think - it is more of an example on how you are living your relationship so far... I wish you all the best!