General/Off-topic |
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TURKISH PEOPLE VIEWS ON DIVORCE
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| 30. |
10 May 2007 Thu 08:39 pm |
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Ya guys you are not being very nice.
tommysbar I have been "following" your story here on the forum and I'm really sorry for your situation. I simply don't understand why he won't tell you about his problems. Do you have any contact with him now?
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| 31. |
10 May 2007 Thu 11:28 pm |
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In fact, in Turkey the divorce rate is very low, very very low like %5 of all marriages. This is really low compared to western countries. The turkish people are not into divorce. When they create a family, they want to keep it as far as it goes, sometimes even it goes bad.
Turkish men do not like to divorce, some of them even cheat but keep their marrigae. Especially, if they have a child.
I have the impresiion that (maybe wrong) the divorces with foreign women are much more frequant. The reason could be the different cultures.I think turks are strongly attached to their culture. maybe religion have an effect, but I guess not that much because turkish people prefer marrying someone from their own culture rather than their own religion. In foreign countries, turks tend to live together rather than mixing into the society. And for the turks, the opinion of their parents, or other family elders are quite important. A mother or father that do not like the bride can have a big influence on the man. In your case, I guess, the family has had a big influence on him, and he might have missed his country and culture a lot, and even if he loves you, he might have wanted to start over his life this time marrying a turkish girl which he thinks and his cultural senses say he should do.
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| 32. |
10 May 2007 Thu 11:50 pm |
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Quoting mltm: The turkish people are not into divorce. |
I think it's not about "not being into divorce", but about being afraid of being blamed by society.
Quoting mltm: When they create a family, they want to keep it as far as it goes, sometimes even it goes bad.
Turkish men do not like to divorce, some of them even cheat but keep their marrigae. Especially, if they have a child. |
So much for hypocrisy.. :-S
What would you prefer? Getting out of an unhappy, hypocritical marriage and giving yourself a chance to start over again, or keeping up appearances, pretending you're happily married but feeling all miserable inside, trying to ignore the fact that your husband is cheating on you and that your marriage has failed a long time ago?
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| 33. |
10 May 2007 Thu 11:50 pm |
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Quoting catwoman:
Quoting cat_leo: Now I don't want anyone here giving me their 2 cents on how 'not all turkish men are like this' but until you have been in my shoes I don't want to hear anyone tell me different about how I should feel about turkish men!!! |
Thanks so much for saying this! I feel like most people here just refuse to hear this! |
It looks like you totally agree with this? She's right to think like that, because she has had a bad experience and thinks very emotionally, but how do you agree this? She says "all turkish men", and you agree. Maybe, you've had such an experience? But I thought, you were someone who hated generalizations, but you're again very prejudiced.
Forexample my father is 100% turkish but he's been married with my mother who is 100% french for 30 years, and they have never had a big quarrel. And I know others as well.
The problem is foreign women are more likely to fall on the wrong type of turkish men, and as I explained in my previous post, they tend to be with turkish girls, but "not always", and usually the men who have not grown in a urban life and in an urban culture are likely to put cultural preferences and family and friends opinions prior to pure love.
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| 34. |
10 May 2007 Thu 11:57 pm |
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Quoting libralady: The first thing that strikes me about this man is how young he was to be in a serious relationship, married and with a child. |
Exactly!
As we think that men get mature after their 25s and even 30s, it's really a very early age to get married. marriage is a big decision about your life. We cannot blame one marrying so early, but I think in this case, his age has had also a big impact on his changing behaviour. He is such a young man, and I think he wants to start everything over!
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| 35. |
10 May 2007 Thu 11:57 pm |
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Quoting libralady: May I just ask, why is this thread in the Translation Forum?? |
Where does it show that this thread is in the Translation Forum when it is clearly showing it's under the General/Off-topic Forum??? :-S
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| 36. |
11 May 2007 Fri 12:03 am |
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Quoting cat_leo:
Where does it show that this thread is in the Translation Forum when it is clearly showing it's under the General/Off-topic Forum??? :-S |
A moderator must have put it in the right place 
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| 37. |
11 May 2007 Fri 12:46 am |
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Quoting mltm: Quoting catwoman:
Quoting cat_leo: Now I don't want anyone here giving me their 2 cents on how 'not all turkish men are like this' but until you have been in my shoes I don't want to hear anyone tell me different about how I should feel about turkish men!!! |
Thanks so much for saying this! I feel like most people here just refuse to hear this! |
It looks like you totally agree with this? She's right to think like that, because she has had a bad experience and thinks very emotionally, but how do you agree this? She says 'all turkish men', and you agree. Maybe, you've had such an experience? But I thought, you were someone who hated generalizations, but you're again very prejudiced.
Forexample my father is 100% turkish but he's been married with my mother who is 100% french for 30 years, and they have never had a big quarrel. And I know others as well.
The problem is foreign women are more likely to fall on the wrong type of turkish men, and as I explained in my previous post, they tend to be with turkish girls, but 'not always', and usually the men who have not grown in a urban life and in an urban culture are likely to put cultural preferences and family and friends opinions prior to pure love. |
Actually I have alot more experience about them then you realized. Just because your mother happens to be one of the few lucky ones to have marry 'Mr. Wonderful' doesn't mean that they all are. I have yet also to believe that they have never once quarrel in their 30 yrs of marriage when there is no one such perfect marriage in the world, surely they must have had a big quarrel at one time or another.
I have known too many women that were once married to turkish men and believe me, TOO MANY! Most of their stories are basically the same as the women on this web site whose husbands also had cheated on them and finally left them without much of an explaination.
Eventually these men will leave the foreign wives for a turkish one or in another case that I know about where he is already married to a turkish woman and will leave the foreign woman for whom he had used in some ways for his own personal gratification.
As for my ex-husband, he is 40 yrs old, a university graduate, a business man and had traveled to other parts of the world and he had 'grown up in a urban life and in an urban culture', so none of these qualifications made any difference.
Sure, I may sound bitter but unless you been in my shoes I wouldn't say much. Though I would love to hear what would you do in this case if it was you whose husband has left her with no explaination? Because truth is I hardly think that any women here is strong enough to say that it would not affect her at all emotionally!
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| 38. |
11 May 2007 Fri 12:49 am |
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Quoting mltm: In fact, in Turkey the divorce rate is very low, very very low like %5 of all marriages. |
Yeah! How could you expect the opposite while a good number of women in Turkey don't even know where to divorce (in courts, for example?) and a great deal of women can't even dare to divorce?
Quoting mltm: This is really low compared to western countries. |
What a pity! Because at least those women in Western countries doesn't have to spend the rest of their life with their husbands with whom they can't live together.
Quoting mltm: I have the impresiion that (maybe wrong) the divorces with foreign women are much more frequant. |
Maybe. But even this would be partly because the western woman, when inevitable or necessary, could easily divorce her Turkish husband.
Quoting mltm: And for the turks, the opinion of their parents, or other family elders are quite important. A mother or father that do not like the bride can have a big influence on the man. In your case, I guess, the family has had a big influence on him, |
Has his family been at the holiday for about 3 years? Where has their influence on him been, from the beginning to now?
Quoting mltm: and he might have missed his country and culture a lot, |
While marrying, he certainly didn't go to the country for the purpose "holiday" or "working", did he? You know, for example, the Turkish workers in Germany, miss Turkey a lot and sometimes comes to Turkey.
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| 39. |
11 May 2007 Fri 12:53 am |
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Quoting mltm: Turkish men do not like to divorce, some of them even cheat but keep their marrigae. |
Perfect, you just forgot to add "cheat and beat their wifes".
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| 40. |
11 May 2007 Fri 12:57 am |
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Quoting panta rei: Quoting mltm: In fact, in Turkey the divorce rate is very low, very very low like %5 of all marriages. |
Yeah! How could you expect the opposite while a good number of women in Turkey don't even know where to divorce (in courts, for example?) and a great deal of women can't even dare to divorce?
Quoting mltm: This is really low compared to western countries. |
What a pity! Because at least those women in Western countries doesn't have to spend the rest of their life with their husbands with whom they can't live together.
Quoting mltm: I have the impresiion that (maybe wrong) the divorces with foreign women are much more frequant. |
Maybe. But even this would be partly because the western woman, when inevitable or necessary, could easily divorce her Turkish husband.
Quoting mltm: And for the turks, the opinion of their parents, or other family elders are quite important. A mother or father that do not like the bride can have a big influence on the man. In your case, I guess, the family has had a big influence on him, |
Has his family been at the holiday for about 3 years? Where has their influence on him been, from the beginning to now?
Quoting mltm: and he might have missed his country and culture a lot, |
While marrying, he certainly didn't go to the country for the purpose "holiday" or "working", did he? You know, for example, the Turkish workers in Germany, miss Turkey a lot and sometimes comes to Turkey. |
panta rei, you indeed are a man ahead of your times! 
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