I'd like to post an excerpt from a book "The Caged Virgin" (Ayaan Hirsi Ali) that is showing how a woman's life may turn when she lives in a society that worhips virginity.


This is a story of a Muslim immigrant family in the Netherlands:

"At the address in Utrecht I find an unbelievable mess. The whole house stinks of urine. Two toddlers are puttering about in nappies that they have been wearing for far too long. Dirty nappies are lying around everywhere. My niece's friend, whose house we are visiting, is called Anab.
While we are sitting there on the sofa with Maryan, and Anab is making us tea, Maryan says, "You see those videotapes over there? That's all pornography. Hard porn. Anab's husband rents them. He forces Anab to watch them and to do all the crazy things shown in the video. He rapes her anally; she has to put up with horrible things."

I recognize the story: this is the same Anab as the one I came across in the file at the police station in The Hague. While the man who raped and traumatized Anab [her half-brother who was supposed to look after her and her sister when they first immigrated to the Netherlands] is behind bars, her family has managed to find a cousin prepared to marry her, despite the fact that she is no longer a virgin. The sexual abuse - which according to her sister - has "never before happened in our family" - has been swept under the carpet, and teh family name has been cleared.
On inquiry it emerges that Anab was married to her cousin as soon as she reached eighteen. From that age the young asylum seekers no longer fall under the care of the Opbouw Trust. Presumably her cousin, for whatever reason, had been unable to find a wife. The family said to him: "We have a wife for you, but you'll have to keep your mouth shut about what happened to her." After years of abuse by her half brother, Anab is now suffering the abuse of her cousin, whom she has been forced to marry.

Anab's story shows how a girl is sacrificed in the name of the sacred cult of virginhood to save teh family honor. And it is not just Anab who becomes the victim of this myth; her children and husband are equally affected. Her husband behaves insanely with her and tells himself it is all right, since "she had lost her virginity, so she was already a whore." And her two children literally grow up in a rubbish dump. What will become of them?"

Let's not mix 2 things together,
Talking about Virginity is for NONE married girls
Both religion and Tradition refuse and forbid girls to lose their Virginity before marriage
And if you have Faith in some religion then you should obay but that is not the point here
As for divorced women 'Not Virgin Of Course'there is no problem,or SHOULDNT be a problem.
İn İslam our Phrophet Muhammed married his first wife and she was a widow!

But what i dont understand in this story is why didnt this woman Anab leave her husband and report him before leaving him,specially as you said she is in a Western country and she wont be afraid of Tradition or something like this.
And she would get a social help too in her case ?

Canli - Anab was not married twice, she was abused as a child by her half brother and then continued to be terribly abused by her husband.
Even in Western countries, there are large groups of immigrants that live with tight bonds, so the "traditions" are still very strong for them. Many Muslims who live in Europe, think that they live among "infidels" therefore they don't want to integrate and they don't want their kids to integrate (some even teach their kids to hate the host country).
Please, don't judge the woman too quickly. People who live their entire lives with a certain mentality, don't see the same options and rights that people who grew up in freedom do.
Even though the prophet Mohammed might have set some moral guides to Muslims, please don't close your eyes when there are Muslims who twist their beliefs to justify their immoral, or (as in this case) extremely abusive behavior.

To answer your question about why she didn't leave the husband, I'll quote another paragraph from the book:

"Anab ran away from home more then once, and on several occasions she was removed from the house by social services, but she went back each time. Through a neighbor she was helped to settle in a shelter for abused women for a while, until her husband picked her up and took her home. Sa-ied [her half brother who was supposed to take care of her when she first immigrated to the Netherlands] is in prison because he sexually abused Anab, but her husband, who treats her just as badly, remains at large."

This is how the story began:

"Anab and Shukri are two underage asylum seekers. Upon arrival in the Netherlands, they are asked whether they have any family in the country. They are sent to Sa-ied, an older half brother who has been living in the Netherlands with his wife for five years. The organization in charge of underage asylum seekers, a trust called De Opbouw, places the girls "under his care" instead of appointing an official guardian. At this time the trust was responsible for finding suitable guardians for underage asylum seekers who had come without their parents and for monitoring their general welfare.
Sa-ied subjects both girls to severe sexual abuse for an extended period of time; Anab, the eldest of the two, suffers the worst and longest. The story comes to the surface when the younger sister, Shukri, goes to the social worker at the trust and tells her everything. The trust reports the case and also contacts the child protection agency. Sa-ied is arrested and ends up in prison.
At the police headquarters of the vice squad in The Hague, I meet Anab's and Shukri's sister. I have been asked to be an interpreter for this heavily pregnant Somali woman.
She tells the police that she, her two sisters, and her half brother are all related on their father's side. In those circumstances a half brother is seen as a full brother. The police ask her in detail about the perpetrator. She takes half an hour to tell the police how perfectly virtuous her family is: that it is just this boy; that sexual abuse never occurs among Somali people; that this is a curse. Finally, she demands a full investigation of the case to check whether it really happened. The woman is thoroughly confused. She wonders how she can put it right.
I find out many details about the case: when it began, how it began, who reported it, and that the man did not only abuse the two girls but regularly raped and violated his wife as well.
Approximately one week later my niece Maryan comes to live with me. At the weekend she asks me if I can pick her up from an address in Utrecht......"

This is horrible . Unfortunately those women who are apathetic to feminism or just "dont feel it affects them" are the least likely to read this .

The men? Most are far too busy enjoying their current status to want change.

I don't know what your point is in posting this item. As I understand it from the Forum Rules:

10. Any discussion on politics or religion and religious matters is strictly prohibited.

11. Postings about your religious beliefs; explaining any subject from a religious perspective; trying to influence others with your religious beliefs; getting religion involved in any subject and/or any subjects with religion as the main theme is prohibited. This is a religion - free website where all members should feel comfortable whether they are religious, atheist, agnostic or whatever.

The only exception to this is where someone has raised a question about Turkish culture which cannot be answered without making a reference to religion, for example an explanation about a turkish religious holiday. Anyone answering a question of this nature, must be careful to keep their answer impartial, impersonal and non controversial. Any such responses will be deleted.

This is a very provocative article and Hirsi Ali is not very knowledgable about Islam. She is an avowed athiest and anti Islamic. If we are to not disucss religion here, why are you bringing this up?

I dont think this is about religion, its about the culture which demands virginity of women before marriage AT ANY COST!

As far as I understand it, both MEN and WOMEN should be virgins before marriage in Islam, and this thread does not criticise that fact.

ok