You are going to leave for your holiday in one of these days. (Or maybe you already left.) If I say I wish you a very happy and nice and useful and great holiday, would you believe this wish comes from deep in my heart?

I do wish you spend great and enjoyable days during your holiday and that, you feel, after returning home, you are a master of Turkish. I really wish this.



(25th July, Wed)

Çok teşekkürler for this nice hopes!

I went to holiday and came back.

I hope you enjoy your holidays too!

I must be more cruel to myself, feel deeply regret and great pain, and suffer days and nights until I have enough of suffering, until I pay for my sin, until I free myself in conscience.

Happy is one who can willingly suffer!

There are tons of people, -you do know this-, who would simply laugh at and just ignore the same or similar sin that they commit as if they didn't commit any sin, as if nothing happened, going on living their usual lifes. Why can I not simply act and behave and go on living my usual life like they would do? Why have I been still feeling shame of myself and suffering a lot?

Because it is ME, NOT even YOU, who actually should NOT forget! And I haven't forgotten.

The part of someone that aches is their whole universe.
When a part of someone aches, there universe is there.

That two word phrase is the best thing I read and got in the last few of weeks. For some reason I am very very happy today. And once again I am grateful to you so much.

Thank you.

Good luck with your new job tomorrow!

Be nice with the boss, be fast in your work (with not looking in dictionary too much )and don't even think to give up after first difficulties!

And, of course, don't spend too much time on TC, at least till you get the reputation of a good worker

From today on I am going to try not to suffer and thus ruin my life anymore. I have taken a very good step into the business that I have wished to take in for a long time, and I want to be successful in my job. For this, I have to study and work hard, especially for the first month.

The probability or thought that you will always remember and mention me as "a bastard/asshole/etc." whenever you come across or remember or read or talk about the similar baddness that I did to you, has made me very sorry and caused me to suffer a lot. Such probabilty or thought will of course keep making me so sorry, not so much as before though. Whether or not I have had enough of suffering and regretting, is now totally up to whether you believe me or not; I won't bother trying to tell or show you any more.

You, too, do know that there are tons of people who do and would do such badness to or commit such sin against other people every day, feeling no regret, on the contrary feeling proud of what they do, without suffering or thinking what they do is a crime/sin/mistake/etc. Still you know that they continue to live their normal lives as if they didn't do such bad badness to someone. It is true that I share the same crime/sin/mistake with such people; nevertheless I believe that I am not one of them. I haven't acted and lived like they do; I suffered a lot, felt regret a lot, felt pain a lot, felt twinge of conscience a lot; whereas I could have acted and continued to live like they do. I hope you will take this point into consideration.

I have nothing to do about my crime/sin/mistake, for "what is done can't be undone". I thought I could win back your trust and respect and friendship again, but I understood that you haven't and probably won't let me to do that. So I have given up. But, despite all, I have always thought and will always think you have and carry such a BIG HEART.

My last word: I DO APOLOGIZE TO YOU.

Sorry Ciko

Let us not spoil, at least, this thread.

I didn't mean to point out your first post in this thread, but the followings. Anyway, forget about this now, and just come online! I do need your help about English! Hadiiii!

Oh, c'mon! Is that the time to be busy with work there right now? Couldn't you find any other time for your work? Hadiii!

I lost your trust and respect. But I will never ever lose my hope and belief to win back them again one day!

I do know you have A BIG HEART. You have a BİG HEART. I know this. I know this. Because I know you. I will never ever lose my hope and belief. And your BIG HEART is my hope and belief.

Günaydın!