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how about love between different cultures/countrie
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| 10. |
07 Feb 2006 Tue 10:04 pm |
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I think your answer was really wise, girl! ...I wish I would have been half as wise when I was your age... 
Aferin sana! 
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| 11. |
07 Feb 2006 Tue 10:50 pm |
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Quoting Deli_kizin: [
Wow i feel honoured now to be named here (a)
It's true, there are lots of differences you have to overcome and you have to be open against the other culture. There is one mistake you MUSTNT make tho. The other person LIVES in another culture, but he IS NOT the culture itself. If you forget this, you will find out that you argue about many silly things.
Also, it is very likely that you will misunderstand eachother easily, because feelings and words are as well different as morals and principles in a different culture. You need to find harmony in the differences, maybe even cherish them. I love the differences in our personalities, because it makes me feel more complete. I learnt to look from another point of view too. It's not always easy and i still make stupid mistakes and ask silly questions, but as long as Kadir loves me, he can bring up the understanding and respect to explain to me and be patient.
I am raised in a country where freedom is the most holy thing that exists. I always thought that for example, freedom of speech and independecy where the best things a person could achieve and keep in life. Now i learnt to look at this less strict and I even doubt if this western-idea of 'Goodness' is actually that good. It doesn't turn me against my own country, my own background, but my relationship didn't only teach me how to love, it also taught me to look at things from different sides.
I think love can be more sparkling if you both have different backgrounds and LEARN how to respect those backgrounds. You need to try to make a mixture between the good things of both 'cultures' and try to solve the 'bad' things. If you realise that some things of your different point of views cannot come to harmony (this hasn't happened to me tho), you should learn to leave this aside. Dont't argue about the differences all the time, just learn from them and enjoy the things you have in common. Because even the things you have in common, are different in another place in the world. It's half the fun!
One thing that is often mistaken, is that love is all you need. Love is not enough to make a relationship between different cultures succesful. But it is the binding ingredient that if strong enough, gives you enough power to overcome any difference  |
one word : perfect 
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| 12. |
08 Feb 2006 Wed 12:04 am |
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Thanks
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| 13. |
08 Feb 2006 Wed 10:24 am |
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It is not cultural differences which will break a relationship it is the honesty and integrity of the two involved which binds or separates.
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| 14. |
08 Feb 2006 Wed 10:33 am |
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Quoting Boop: It is not cultural differences which will break a relationship it is the honesty and integrity of the two involved which binds or separates. |
Couldn't agree more. But I have to add that although cultural differences probably can't break a relationship if two people are really in love, distance can.
It makes love stronger at first. But as time passes by, living apart gives so much pain that in the end it kills the relationship. (Not the love you feel for eachother though)...
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| 15. |
08 Feb 2006 Wed 04:52 pm |
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Quoting sophie: But as time passes by, living apart gives so much pain that in the end it kills the relationship. (Not the love you feel for eachother though)... |
For me this is a bit different. I think i stayed quite tough, living apart for 2 years and last time we saw eachother more than 8 months ago.
For me it's not the distance that kills, but the fact we never know when we will see eachother for the next time.
I feel that I've been living a love-flow the past 2 weeks, now I know i will see him within 10 nights in a lonely bed. It even makes the loneliness romantic.
If you have a good plan and good ideas for future, i believe you can live apart for many years.
When I walked away to Türkiye without informign my parents, i met a man in the train on my way to the airport. He saw me cry, offerred me a glass of water and asked what was up. I told, and he really cleared my mind: he was married to a woman in Kenia, who wasn't allowed to live in Holland. They haven't seen eachother for 3 years now and still had to wait 3 months before they might see eachother again. but because they were confident about their future-plans (both moving to South-Africa), they could overcome the distance.
You can't overcome a distance if you don't have a good plan though.
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| 16. |
09 Feb 2006 Thu 12:46 pm |
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Quoting Deli_kizin:
For me this is a bit different. I think i stayed quite tough, living apart for 2 years and last time we saw eachother more than 8 months ago.
If you have a good plan and good ideas for future, i believe you can live apart for many years.
You can't overcome a distance if you don't have a good plan though. |
You are right, without a good plan, everything gets too hard to handle. But what does a good plan mean? A future marriage? A cohabitation? Of course, in every romantic relationship such dreams and hopes develop. But most of those girls here, have just started a romantic affair with a Turk. They feel in love, they hope to get to live with their partners in future, but where does hope stop and certainty start?
You are probably one of the lucky ones, who have made sure that this will be the man of your life and thus waiting appears easier to you. But what about those who are still experimenting? And how can any woman be sure that this is the man she wants to spend her life with, when their only contact can be via email or phone and their meetings take place once or twice a year? How well can you get to know him, when you can only spend limited time with him? All of us show our better selves when we meet for a few days only.
Anyway, I think I got carried away and opened here many more subjects than I should. But all these subjects have a common origin and reason: distance.
So lets get back to it. What does distance mean? That you can't have him around, when you need him more. That you can't share your loneliness, cause no matter if he is there, in your screen, he is still too far away. Even simple everyday moments like a walk hand in hand or watching a movie together, becomes a prayer.
I m not talking just for talking. I know very well what I m saying, as I have seen this 'film' before. I don't think love could be stronger than it was then. But still, we were defeated cause of this stupid distance. Though the 'plan' was really good. It just seemed so far away...
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| 17. |
09 Feb 2006 Thu 01:13 pm |
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one word:empathy
if u have that,no more problems then...
gerisi o kadar önemli değil yani 
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| 18. |
09 Feb 2006 Thu 11:40 pm |
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Yes, but.. not to hurt anyone up here.. but how can love be love if you are not sure? When you start a romance-affair with a holidayresort-man.. do you love that guy? Or do you love being loved? Because if that's so, ofcourse the waiting is hard. It's easy to love over distance. But it's quite difficult to show and to feel the other's love over it. So if you are not totally sure, the waiting gets too hard.
I quote Shakespeare:
"Love is not love as it alters when it alteration finds"
(im not sure if this is literally, but it comes VERY close  )
Maybe I'm just being overromantic, I don't know
But believe me.. i know the distance by now.. I cried too many nights in my cold lonely bed, i skipped too many classes at school because i lost the point in it, i spent hours and hours laying on my bedroom floor, staring at the sky, remembering all the things that we came across together. And now I'm looking at hte calender, seeing that it's almost two years ago we met.. and i cry for all the things we haven't done yet. But i smile for all that is laying ahead of you.
If you learn to control the distance, distance-love that ends like mine, is probably better than an around-the-corner-love. For the simple fact we have another dimension in our relationship: we learnt to talk. we learnt to use words. we don't speak eachothers bodylanguage yet, but at least we know what we mean when we just talk. Many 'normal' relationships end, because people became unable to speak.
Kadir and i built love upon many words. Made love with many words. We can talk. We cannot date like normal couples. I never had a clothing-crisis, because he has never come to pick me up for dinner. I never went to school with the excited feeling of going out for a dance with him tonight. But one day i will
If i look back so far (how dramatic does that sound ), i remember all the fun moments on the phone, the sweet sms and the nice loooong conversations on msn better and more, than the nights spend alone.
Well, at least i wish everybody luck with his/her long distance love.
It's most of all a matter of having faith in yourself, not only in the other. When you live together, 'I and YOU' becomes 'US and WE'. If you live apart, 'US and WE is still I and YOU'. So you need to have faith in yourself as well!!
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| 19. |
10 Feb 2006 Fri 12:54 am |
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multicultured love is realy more exciting than to have a relationship from ur own country..however, in my opinion if ur thinking serious,for not to live problems in long term,u should check out if ur partner is suitable for ur basic princaples..these are not a lot i guess..just the basic ones..which has vital importance..people in love learn to be flexible in other little things..but if u have problems with ur basic princaples relationship may turn to a conflict..distance is a huge problem yes..it makes human tired not to walk hand to hand,not to go to a film,not to go to a match etc..but when love is strong lovers can overcome it i guess..with the hopes of together days..
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| 20. |
10 Feb 2006 Fri 12:57 pm |
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I agree with both Deli_Kizin and Oeince in many parts. But those few more years I carry on my back, have proved to me that life and love are not as pink as we think they are.
It’s not my intention to hurt anyone. Honestly. And I wish to all of us that our expectations and dreams will be fulfilled and life will be exactly as we have planned it.
My dear Deli, I wasn’t talking about a light romantic adventure, when I said that I have seen this “film†before. I think It was the most intense and serious relationship I ve ever experienced. A long and serious one. Not with a “ holidayresort-man†as u said, but with a serious and well educated (in school and in life) man. And it wasn’t only my or his need to be loved that brought us together. It was far more than that.
Missing? Huh! Longing? You can never believe how much. Life? What life? My whole life was him. Whenever we were meeting, we were spending hours, just staring at each other, to cover the miss and to engrave the details of each other’s face in our memory for the lonely times to come. Words? We could tell from a simple “hi how are you†written on a screen, how the other was feeling each day. The words were always the same. But in an amazing way that I could never explain, we could catch each other’s mood without even watching each other’s face. I bet you understand exactly what I m talking about Why did we let this relationship go? Cause realities were stronger than any love could ever be…
Anyway, these details don’t concern anyone else but me, I know. I just wanted to say that I know what you mean and I also know how you feel. And I get unbelievably happy when other couples manage what we couldn’t. Just, the question here was what do we think of and which obstacles a couple could have to face with, in such a relationship. I deposited my experience and thought loudly on the questions made. Truth hurts, I know, but it’s better to be aware of what we MIGHT have to fight against, than to keep living in wonderland and then fall off the clouds suddenly.
So, to cut it short, I only have one last thing to say: Love CAN move mountains. So, go for it! Just always keep in mind that reality can be tougher than we expect it to be. Thus, we should better be aware of this fact, than keep our eyes closed while walking on cloud nine…
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