There's something that happened to me this week that i'd like to share with you all and get your feedback on...

The other day my boyfriend took me to the hairdressers across the road from where he works. The hairdresser is his friend and while I was getting my hair cut my bf waited in his office across the road. Anyway, normally trips to hairdressers in Turkey are fairly boring for me- I'm not fluent in Turkish and i'd rather just pass the time peacefully. Anyway, this particular hairdresser kept making eye contact with me and it made me cringe inside as I had to give fake smiles. Then he appeared to get closer to me than necessary and whilst he was washing my hair seemed to spend what I would class as too much time washing my hair and massaging my head (he used about 8 different shampoos- no joke!). I started to feel uncomfortable, wondering whether it was totally innocent or if I should trust my instincts and say something...

I remember reading something recently about how you should always go with you gut reaction... what do you think? What would you have done?

By the way, I didn't do anything about it and didn't say anything to my bf

Personally, I would mention to my bf that the hairdresser made me uncomfortable and that I was not sure if it was a cultural thing or if he was coming on to me.

I just wouldn't go back somewhere where I felt uncomfortable. Whether it was cultural or not...it doesn't matter.

I definitely would have said something about it. I remember when I sat in the train a while ago, and a guy came sit next to me and it was as if he was rubbing his leg to mine more and more, sort of pushing me against the window because that way I could avoid contact of my naked legs with his jeans. After a while I got annoyed and told him 'Ey that's my personal space, get your legs where they belong: on YOUR body, not mine!'.

But, it does make a difference when that person is a friend of your bf. I'd stick with Elisabeth and ask your bf about it, but do it without a blaming tone. İf you are very wrong, you will have accused a friend of him

Thanks guys. Definitely won't be going back there!

Personally I'd go back every week-I have very dirty hair!

Ha ha of course! (though you could be weird too!)

Personally hobnob I would have mentioned to the hairdresser - perhaps he was trying it on to get some reaction - (even testing you for the b/f's sake which I think is sick as I know some turkish men wouldw do this!) I have had the same thing happen in a hairdresser - if women dont speak up then we will be treated as victims and men will take advantage more. I would have said something like 'shame on you' and personally insulted him, whether it was your boyfriend's friend or not. Then the ball is in his court, whether he would say to your b/f but I believe he would have probably been too embarassed to say to your b/f. We shouldnt sweep stuff like this under the carpet, its important we say how we feel.

Turkish guys are very jealous have you considered your boyfriend was testing you
I hope he is as virtuous as you

Silversong the exact thoughts came also to my mind: the boyfriend was testing her

did I mention I go to the hairdressers twice a week

Yes thehandsom but they do! And we don't know if he is I a half way decent Turkish man now do we?

For Carol:

Didn't realise my dilemma would draw so much attention!! I should just clarify a few things.... My boyfriend would definitely NOT 'test' me in anyway, especially like this. We are getting married next year but we're like a married couple now and the 'little test' days are well and truly over. Also, I know what the result would be if I told my boyfriend about this hairdresser- he would go straight round there and beat him up then end up in prison and no wedding blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong- he's not an aggressive person but if he thinks someone's done something wrong (especially to me) he'll be straight round there.

Serhat,

I know you're joking but you hit a raw nerve! I hate all of these 'only for men' 'only for women' things. Signs on doors saying 'Men, do not enter', cafes only for men. I live so close to the sea but in this area, the only people you see swimming there is men and boys. GRRRRRRR. I'm sitting at home sweating away. The only way I could go down to the sea for a swim without people looking at me like a 'yabanci' would be if I swam in full clothes.

I wish I had said something to that stupid hairdresser. I know I can't singlehandedly change the perceptions of SOME men here about women but I shouldn't let myself be another victim....

Since my first experience of a massage at a reputable hamam in Antalya I would never have a massage from a man again!

theres so deep line between females and males in our culture,so a sweet smile or a few sweet words enough to make think us wrong,odd but realand by once word very immoral behaviour....

Foreign women easy? Noooooooo really?(not all of us though!)I think I've been 'touched up' everytime I've been to Turkey and no, that's NOT why I keep going back!!

so are you saying that Turkish men understand a Turkish woman's mentality of finding 'the one' so there are no games played. The men either stay away or cut to the chase (or to the alter!!)

After reading this post I think your boyfriends friend was just trying to possibly impress you. I wouldn't take it to the extreme nor would I say anything to your boyfriend. I think it could damage their relationship and unless you know his true intent, whether he was just going overboard to be friendly for a friend or he was interested in you, I would keep it to myself.

 Handsom

I agree. I go out with a turkish man and if another guy starts talking to me steam comes out of his ears. They can get very jealous and possesive and probably hates the fact that the hairdresser is touching you anyway!!!!!

(not all turks are like that)

Oh my god i went for a turkish bath and the guy who bathed me had a stonking hard on the whole way through. i felt it on many parts of my body!!!! Im sure they are not suppose to get that close!!!!

 he will never do it again. I took the cloth and wrapped it around his head. You have to tell them what for otherwise they will do it again...

I have sometimes a massage in a sauna here in the Netherlands given by a man (here they don´t separate on gender but on specialities e.g. sports, ayurveda, hot stone), so why should I refuse a male masseur in another country? But let me tell you this: the first guy with ´loose´ hands in a hammam or sauna will know the meaning of the word ´hadım´ in person very quickly!

 Goodness me !  Why dont you write an essay about it?   ....................... Please

Unfortunately I think this is something you will experience every now and then as a foreign woman living in a touristic area.

After living in Alanya I have countless experiences like the one you mention. The most recent incident was just over two weeks ago, less than a block from our home.

Don´t let anyone get away with respectless behaviour towards you and be as loud as possible. I´ve come to think it´s the only way to fight back against gross turkish men.

You know I had an expirence something similar to you. This male-hair dresser was putting a small towel around my neck, I felt wird,  I think because the hair dresser was a male and I have not have a male hairdresser before. I immedlitly responded. I  took that towel saying: I can do it.. It worked. And next time I went there I had wore turtle-neck top

i have similar experience and can just say - share this with your bf - and he will take you to female hairstylist, as i am sure that he would feel uncomfortable also...

good luck!

dishonorable one is dishonorable on everywhere,here or there,so have to be carefully with all dishonorable ones!!..

As for the suggestions about not telling your boyfriend - why? Should he not know that one of his friends probably was hitting on you and/or making you uncomfortable? He should drop that friend right on the spot! You have done nothing wrong.

 Because he was putting a towel around your neck? It´s something every hair dresser does and it´s a part of their job.

 +1

Male or femals hairdressers,it has nothing to do with gender,both do it,its part of the way they perform their job,so when he cut your hair it wont fall on /in your clothes .

 I agree - hardly qualifies as inappropriate behaviour!!  Better than getting hair all over your clothes.

Wow! Was this your first trip to a salon girls? A good stylist will wash your hair and massage your scalp for a long time.  And I have never been to a stylist that doesn’t wrap a towel around the neck or shoulders before putting on a drape. 

I would bet they were just doing their job and hoping for a generous tip.

I would not go back to a salon where the stylist was NOT giving me a towel around my neck, sculp massage etc. If he wouldn´t do that I would think he didn´t know his job!

In Turkey it´s not normal for a woman to have their hair washed or massaged at the hairdresser. It´s only standard for men. They simply have a clerk to spray water on the hair so it´s wet enough to cut.

 But these girls who seem so shocked by this aren´t Turkish.

 I have been going to hairdresser in Turkey since I was born, from cheap, simple hairdressers to more expensive ones, and they are generally males and they have all washed my hair and massaged my sculp as well.

 I hardley call that an essay!!!! I could go on and on and on and on----- blah blah blah, if i wanted to!!! lol

 That is what I said "why DONT you write an essay"

 sorry i thought you were taking the mick!!!! No one would want to read that. Im sure there are more exciting things to talk about. My poor sister was also there on the otherside of that round thing and was watching the whole thing, instead of doing anyhting she just laughed!!!!

 I´m surprised to hear that. Do you usually request a wash/massage or is included when you go to have a normal cut? Never have I had it done, and I always have to ask them to dry my hair after the cut as well (which definitely should be included). My husband always gets the whole ordeal even though he doesn´t request anything besides a cut. Once I went with my dad and they pampered him too, so I figured it is a gender thing.

Other than being cheap I don´t have the best experiences with turkish hairdressers, male or female. This spring I wanted to have it dyed with a 30 day rinse out type of product, but none of the "best" hairdressers in town didn´t know what it was

From my home country I´m used to the whole package being included, and the hairdresser caring and investing some thought as to what hairdoes suit their client, whereas in Turkey, anywhere that I have been it´s more of a get-in-get-out type of experience.

I dont think the guy did anything wrong at all, and i dont think its worth telling your Bf at all, me, i always to got to the hairdressers with my friends (after school, lol), but i like ladies more cause they go easy, i feel like the guys always like pull and brush and stuff so hard! The girls are sensiytive and plus they alwasy ask me is that okay, blah , blah, blah. But one of my friends (and i think i sometimes, well depends, agree with her) like guys more becasue she says they cut better, thast kind of right, but i hate hair dressers who smoke! OMG i cant stand that!!! But when it comes to nails and stuff girls are definetly better!!! alos because of that sensitivity part, lol and the guys have big thick fingers (sometimes hairy!!!ewwwwwww!!!) okay if i dons top now ill blab on forever lol

 are you sure he was not "thehandsom"?

 I´m as well shocked about your experiences. My experiences seem like the opposite of yours. Unlike you, I have always been asked either to go to the washing directly or if my hair was clean and I would like to have it washed. 80-90% of the time it was a male, usually a young male helper. Most of the time I have been pleased with their way of treatment in Turkey, they have never left my hair wet. In netherlands, once I went to an hairdresser where the woman did not dry my hair, she told me that they took additional price for it. In my opinion, hairdressers are quite popular in Turkey and some women go there few times a week, though I wonder if the difference is because of the city, because I have never gone to any hairdresser outside Istanbul in Turkey.

How much fuss can be made about going to the hair dresser and inappropriate touching!  It all sounds a bit like a McCain and Obama argument!  What suits one does not suit another.  

I prefer a man (usually a junior so boy is a better description!) to wash my hair, they are so much better at the head massage than the fearce massage a woman (girl) gives!

haha libralady you are right. I guess we all have different experiences. Surely hairdressers are not the same everywhere