I just received your gift today. Since you didn't let me know you sent it, I wasn't expecting it to arrive. And because of the affairs of the last days, I completely forgot about it. I received your gift in such moments that I was so affected and touched by it. I have been so sentimental now, cyring again and again for sometime. I opened the envelope with my shivering hands and my eyes were already full of tears at that moment, then my lips started to shiver. Oh, no, no!.. The first one of my tears was now among my lips. I coudn't have hold myself any more, and you can guess the rest.

"La Gloire de Mon Pere" was located betwen the green paper, and behind was your letter. I touched and caressed each one of them, crying. I have seen your handwriting, I have seen it -yes! I couldn't read it at first, because your handwriting seems terrible, compared to mine- you, too, would accept this, I know. Maybe you were in hurry when you wrote those lines. But why has your handwriting touched me the most? I have seen your handwriting. Can you imagine that?

I won't break my promise. Those who sent to me a gift know how much happy and gratefull I become when I receive their gift. This is not the first time I received a gift from friends from overseas, but this is the first time I can't state my happiness and gratefullness, I can't say "thank you", to the sender, which hurts me. I do truly hope and want that you sees and read this post, if not today, let it be "one day".

If you come to visit my city or pass through it, I know you will remember me, probably not with good memory. And at that moment, if what crosses my mind and heart right now, crosses your mind and heart for a moment as well, please, please -I beg you- don't hesitate! (Let's) find an excuse, let's say you have still kept your promise and I still want my cup of tea... or let's say I could never read your handwriting and you just wanted to re-write it in person... Let's say "the DVD doesn't work" and you just thought I couldn't let you know about it when I received it today or you just wanted to make up for it. Let's say you saw the devil in me and this time you wanted to see my embarrasment on my face, on my looks and in my eyes or how I would be shy when looking at you. I do know such excuses would be childish. But I know that you do know this wouldn't be the point and we both wouldn't care if any excuse would be childish in that case when you are in my city. If such a thought crosses your mind and heart for a moment, please -I beg you- just throw a "f*ck" to all that happened in the past and put all aside for just half an hour or an hour and call me for a cup of tea or having beer. I do know you can do that. You did prove and show us that you have as a BIG HEART as you could do that. My remarks haven't meant anything to you anymore and you won't believe me this time, I know this. Nevertheless I want to repeat it: You have and always have a friend here. Please remember this if you come to visit my city or pass through it.

I have felt both happiness and sorrow at the same time, and am full of mixture of various feelings. As you can guess, it will be a sad "THANK YOU". I am so much gratefull to you. I couldn't realize and perceive your friendship and your value, and do deeply regret to have destroyed everything, which caused me to lose you.

THANK YOU.

does somebody have a new nickname???

I'm just now starting to realize we do have a few revised nicknames here. Bye the way, where has Cyrano or however, you spell his nickname. Should I also know who CirqueDuSoleil is as well?

and quasimodo?

When you gou out to eat alone, do you ask for a table for 6? And who buys?

If you read this post, -which I want to believe and hope you will encounter and read-, please take my post as an effort to chat with you for a few minutes. I believe that there are very few sins or mistakes on this earth that cannot be forgiven and forgotten, or better shouldn't be forgiven and forgotten. I didn't and won't compare mine with other kind of sins or mistakes, because I believe that each sin/mistake is sin/mistake in its own way, so are their harm and results. I don't know what to call what I did to you, but I am ready to describe it with the heaviest word if I am told how to describe. Let's say it is a "sin", a big sin at that. I have always believed and hoped my "sin", despite its bigness, is a kind of sins that can be forgiven and forgotten. No, in no way do I mean "easily". You said you forgave me, (I am endlessly grateful to you for that), probably because you saw or felt or understood that I have paid enough for my sin by suffering and suffering twinge of conscience. And then you added: you haven't forgotten. I have been trying to figure out, trying to put myself in place of you for days. I wouldn't forget, either, if I were in place of you. I have to admit you have the absolute right not to forget my sin. But I reflected on your remark a great deal. It can't be a coincidence, you must have carefully chose your every word as well as the tenses you used in your last e-mail to me. "But I haven't forgotten", namely The Present Perfect Tense. You could have said it in the Future Tense, like "But I won't forget", but you didn't. I do know very well that you know the differences between these two tenses, and I know the usages of the tense Present Perfect Tense as well. I mean there is no "definiteness", although there is "continuity", in your remark. And the definiteness, namely your saying "But I won't forget", would make me suffer and fear the most.

Maybe that's why, despite all/everything, you said to me "Take good care" in both your last sms and e-mail. Am I wrong?

Sincerely,
N.

I haven't watched "La Gloire de Mon Pere", and I don't think I will ever dare to watch it. I do fear. Unless I win back your confidence, I won't watch it. However I will always keep and care it. It is very precious to me.