hi there,

i was wondering what most men from turkey would think of foreign divorced women. I know someone very close who married young (2 and unfortunately the man didnt turn out to be who he had represented before marriage and they barely spent any time together because they lived seperately anyways (two different coutnries for particular reasons) and so divorced after 2 year. She has now fallen in love with a turkish man but hasnt told him what happened yet because she is afraid he will reject her. Do turkish men frown upon this? And what do u think would happen?

My friends mother was beaten by her alcoholic husband and then he left her to fend for herself with 2 little boys to look after. They r still not divorced 17 years later. she doesn't want to get divorced because of the stigma attached to it. When I asked my friend why she couldn't get divorced because all these years of her life have been wasted when she could have met someone else and lived a full and happy life. He told me that she could never get divorced, he and his brother would never let her have another man and anyway she didn't need a man because she had him and his brother and the house to look after.

I tentatively pointed out that as a woman, she might have needs of her own that couldn't be met by her sons and cleaning the house and he just couldn't stop laughing at the idea! Sigh...........

so does this mean if this women tells her bf of her past he will pretty much ditch her ...(she has no kids and never thought of divorce but he her ex made it so)

Selam Cheeky,

WOW! Lyndies story is so sad I wish that lady could just leave. If only for her happiness who knows's if she would Marry again but I'd rather be alone than live that way. I am sad for the 2 boys too as they did not see a happy home and probably were traumatized in some manner by seeing such horrible beliefs I feel stigma may turn to be generational for those boys I pray that does not happen. I also pray for their mother as life is too short to live so un-happily.


As for you Doll I don't know of Traditional ways or just plain evil as the man Lyndie spoke of ,(Sterio types) of your love/Turkish guy but I am sure (I Hope Not) this does not apply to everyone. You have no reason to doubt yourself or relationship as I (and he may too) admire you for standing up for yourself/your life and leaving for what ever the reason may be it turned out as it did. Your love/man should just be happy that you are with him now and count his blessings.My Turkish guy has not passed judgement on me for my past loves and lost's.....................I never married but had a child and stayed with his father way to long and he was a drunk too. I was young
I did leave after 5 years and.....blah......Don't Worry So.

Anyway's I wish you and your Love the best of luck and happiness Take care!!!!!


Peace & Happiness & Love:

Tsarevna Stacia

Kelley



Cheeky one more thing

Hmmm.. Im still not sure, i understand there are exceptions, but it would be so hard to tell your partner your past, especially if you believe marriage is forever and ur past shows it is not.

it looks so hard to tell someone your past even though u love them so much. i think the consequences can be either good or bad. And it would be a shame to lose the love of your life, the true love you found because of a past bad choice.

what to do and is a very honest person, but is finding confrontation hard (they are apart at the moment) but will inshaallah be together soon

HEY SWEETIE

JUST DO AS YOUR HEART TELLS YOU. I DON'T SEE WHY HE NEEDS

TO KNOW YOU ARE THE SAME LADY HE FELL IN LOVE WITH AND

YOUR PAST IS THE PAST. I AM A VERY HONEST PERSON TO BUT

SOMETIMES TO SAY NOTHING IS NOT AS A LIE. YOU HAVE NO

CHILDREN BY YOUR EX RIGHT. I HOPE YOU CAN FIND PEACE

IN YOUR DILEMMA AND FOCUS ALL YOUR ENERGY ON YOUR TRUE LOVE!

TAKE CARE BYESSSSSSS

Peace & Love
& Happiness to all,

Tsarevna Stacia
Kelley

Hey, is it my idea or u r exaggerating? The fact that he is a Turk doesn't mean that he is living in the 15th century. I m sure he can handle ur divorce.
I m also divorced and i have a kid. My friends in turkey have always admired the way i m handling my life, being a mother and a father at the same time. I never realized a sign of disapproval in their behavior. Of course, their beliefs change from region to region and i ve heard that at the anatolian part of turkey, men are more strict. But i ve never met anybody from the eastern part of turkey, so i can't be sure.
I strongly believe that u shouldn't lie to him. Being honest is always better and more appreciated. After all, what do u have to hide?
Take care

Hi there

sorry i am not exagerrating. just havent been in a position where I fully love a guy enough after my ex to tell them about my past Im sure others can vouche for that. I find it difficult and am interested in the minds of turkish men. cultures are quite different and since im not a turkish woman i couldnt answer it myself. its notlying about the situation, it just hasnt come up in conversation. Its scary I think

Hi interested in your replies, my male friend (to old to call a bf) he is Turkish and divorced. He married an English girl but she was not happy living in Turkey and he did not want to live in England so their marriage did not work.
There are modern men in Turkey, my friend does still have some old fashioned ideas and can be very bossy but he respects me when I stand up for myself.

Best of luck to every one with a Turkish love.

Hi, Cheeky!
I think that being honest is the best way in this situation. Trust is very important in a relationship, and it is better if the person hears it from you about your past, than later on to learn accidently about it from somebody else. Then he might feel that you lied to him, and not trust you. And also you should see for yourself how he would react to it now, rather then later on when your relationship has become more serious. If that person cannot accept you with your past, then maybe you are not for each other, and you should find somebody that would not have a problem with it. Again, the best way, in my opinion, is to to be honest and tell him, and then you will know where you both stand, and if you have a future.
Good luck to you!

Btw, it will be interesting to hear what the turkish guys from this site think about that. None of them have commented anything on this topic...

HI Cheeky.Im a divorced woman (with two teenagers) and met a turkish man 3 years ago.He has never had a problem with me being divorced.He had to return to Turkey 18 months ago,and we hope to be together one day,eventually.It's so difficult when children are involved,and i miss him sooooo much.We text 4 to 5 times every day and phone often.He was also married to a Turkish lady,they're now seperated.He has 3 children.Im going to Antalya next month and cant wait to see him.
I also know of 2 other Turkish men who have married divorced women,so I wouldn't be that worried about telling him.Depends how strict his upbringing has been I guess.Anyway,honesty is best policy I think.Good luck.

I have my own rules in that I never make the mistake of revealing any of my past whatsoever to a new man in my life. What is my past is my past and nothing to do with his future with me. I reveal only on a 'need to know' basis, if he doesn't need to know it then don't volunteer any information. I have damaged relationships in my life by revealing too much about my past when it was not necessary to do so, now I know different.

Thnakyou all very much. inshaallah all goes well and he is understanding, afterall it is our happiness and love together that would keep things moving along. Whilst honesty is the best policy, I am not lying about anything at the moment, we havent discussed our past and by right i think this is a good thing...after all why would u want to know about past mistakes aslong as you can makes things better this time round inshaallah. I love him, he loves me, and inshaallah it will be fine.

dear friend,
I'm greek and I my knoglidge of Turkish society is poor.
And of turkish men(as a companion) even smaller...But!
I do know some of them and they made me feel sooo very welcome and so free, that I'm now trying to cope with turkish language!

My hamble idvice is that trouth saves!

Should you feel that you have something more with this guy, somthing real and love-based!
Go for It!
Spil it out!
I know the fear of losing someone you like is imprisoning you!
But then again this would be the only way to find out how far you can go with him!
Socializing with you aloneis a giant step anyhow!
All in all as far as I'm concerned,Its a mater of character and sentiment and not a matter of desent or national idintity!
Take the risk!There is no other way!

I sincerarly hope he would prove to be the progressive type!
And really really hope that this would work for you!

Wish I could have seen this topic on monday so I'm a few days late, but let me just say that the first thing to know is this..... the question isn't going to be answered by hm but by his family, the first thing to find out is.... how is is family going to react??? My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years and are still struggling to keep it together, his family is pretty modern and not not real religous but will never accept me because I am divorced and have a son. However the main thing is the son part, so if she doesnt have any children I really think the best advice is to keep the old marriage out of the picture no need to stir trouble when its a thing of the past and she has no ties to the ex. Sometimes its an impulsive urge to tell the person you love everything about your past but some things are just better left unsaid. Just my little opinion

Divorce is more and more common in Turkey all the time. So its not like its unheard of. Every situation will be different I think on what the families will think. But I don't think that she can hide it from her bf/future husband uch longer. At whatever belediyesi she would get married at, the paperwork would not only show if she was previously married, but who she was married to. This isn't something you can hide forever. Good Luck!!

And tell me...did you give HIM any rules? Offffffff ya, well as long as there are women who are happy to take a submissive role in a marriage, this sexist system will flourish.

Its not just "sad" when you break up with your partner, it completely changes you and shatters your life into pieces - especially if you are not the once who decides to leave.

I would be very careful about who "controls" the finances once you get to Turkey. If you have the added "bonus" of still belonging to your ex-husband for life, then you will never be able to move on. Sometimes you need to remove your "rose tinted" specs and think about these things, however romantic you feel.

(Amended my post I dont like to talk about personal stuff!)

Not a lot of replies from Turkish men on this thread is there? :-S