haksız - unfair

samimilik - intimacy

roman - novel

But this one is real advice! Read it and you ll understand:
a) how men can please women
b) how can a man avoid driving a woman mad
c) that women are paranoid


In the world of marriage/romance, one single rule applies to the men:

Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed ( +1 )
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow ( 0 )
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets ( -1 )
You go out to buy her what she wants ( +5 ) In the rain ( +8 )
But return with Beer ( -5 )
You check out a suspicious noise at night ( 0 )
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing ( 0 )
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something ( +5 )
You pummel it with iron rod ( +10 )
It's her pet ( -10 )

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner ( 0 )
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar ( +1 )
Okay, it's a sports bar ( -2 )
And it's all-you-can-eat night ( -3 )
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team ( -10 )

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie ( +2 )
You take her to a movie she likes ( +4 )
You take her to a movie you hate ( +6 )
You take her to a movie you like ( -2 )
It's called 'DeathCop' ( -3 )
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15 )

YOUR PHYSIQUE You develop a noticeable potbelly ( -15 )
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it ( +10 )
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts ( -30 )
You say, 'It doesn't matter, you have one too.' ( -8000 )

ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
She asks, 'Do I look fat?' ( -5 ) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
You hesitate in responding ( -10 )
You reply, 'Where?' ( -35 )
Any other response ( -20 )

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _expression ( 0 )
You listen, for over 30 minutes ( +50 )
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV ( +500 )
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep ( -10000 )

Now what chance do you have???

Ok ok i also know the following are not advices, but after aslan's post I couldn't resist

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Why is food better than men?
Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds.

How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

What do a vagina, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.

Why do men like frozen microwave dinners so much?
They like being able to both eat and make love in under 5 minutes.

Why did God put men on earth?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Three words women hate to hear when having sex?
'Honey, I'm home!'

Why would women be better off if men treated them like cars?
At least then they would get a little attention every 6 months or 50,000 miles, whichever came first.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

What do ceramic tile and men have in common?
If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for life!

Why did the man cross the road?
He heard the chicken was a slut.

kahve - coffee