I am not normally one for pooring out my problems, but I have read advice you have all given before and it is always GOOD ADVICE!

I met my boyfriend towards the end of my holiday in Turkey and he was not like the the other guys who had approached me. He was slightly older than them and was not so forward but always coming over to see me, complementing on my smile, etc. and winning me over very slowly and very romantically until I agreed to be his girlfriend.

When I returned from my holiday he rang every hour, sent sms messages all day and became angry if I did not answer the phone or return some of his messages. I feel, also, that he 'pushed' me into saying that I loved him - asking me again and again until I said it. For most of the time I do feel that I love him - we laugh together and we tell eachother all about our lives and I think he is wonderful. The trouble is that things are moving so fast and the more he pushes me the more I take a step back! I sent a message to him the other day (I had it translated on this website!) saying that I did not want him to plan any future for us yet and that when I go back to see him in Turkay in February it is to spend time together, enjoy eachother, have fun.

He seems to have completely ignored this message and, when I spoke to him just a while ago, he told me that he has told his mother about us and we have her blessing, that we will get married as soon as I say I am ready, that we can live in Istabul, Antalaya, Bodrum or UK - it is up to me, oh...and that we will have two children - a boy and a girl!!!!!!

This is TOO MUCH for me. I am not a hard person - in fact I am often accused of being over-romantic, but this is just too much! He has occasionally mentioned lately that he has no money at the moment and cannot find a winter job....am I right to be a bit suspicious about that?!!! By marrying me quick his problems would be solved, eh!

I am not sure if to carry on with this relationship. If he is sincere and being honest with me, then it is too much for me, but I will lose him and I DO feel so much for him!

Wise friends - what shall I do?????

don't make yourself fool. leave him at once. all that you should have to be done this. believe me and trust me

I think our male friend knows what he's saying... And besides that - love is not supposed to hurt!

But of course you have to do it the way that feels right to you. It might take you some time to realize how things really are. Sometimes it's good to leave 'love' out of it and ask yourself: is he a good/caring person?, is he a reliable and mature person?, is he serious about his future/life?, is he making effort to understand and support you?, does he listen to you?, is he faithful to you?, is he open minded?... etc.

What I mean is that you need to answer this question for yourself. You said that he hurts you with the things he does and that you are suspicious about his motivation.
Why do you love him if he doesn't listen to you...

Yes, sorry Catwoman I read your message again and understand. He has not hurt my feelings, but you are right, he doesn't really listen to me. Hmmmm I really don't know!!!

my ass make me say that. take my advice and you'll see you wont be sorry about him or/and yourself.

I think he just knows better what men want and think. And he might have had or seen friends or aquantances like that. It is something we girls don't get to see.

There is nothing in this world as wonderful as falling in love, but when we let ourselves fall in love without knowing the other person - we only open up for making ourselves hurt. And that have so very little to do with the other person being good or bad, I believe.

I don´t believe in love at first sight... I think that I only sense a huge attraction at first...which can be physical or psychological and respond to many things in me. To fall in love for real requires a knowledge about the person I fall in love with...if not I will only fall in love with my own reflection and my own desire - and my own wish to fall in love.

I think that it is easy to get confused by a normal (maybe inmense) attraction and want it to be love...since falling in love is so wonderful! I don´t know about you in this case...so I am not the one to give advices...but I can recognize being in similar situations in the past...

My advice is: Really be careful about the job and money thing. How old is he? Why doesn't he have a job, and looking for a winter job? You know if you're not educated enough or don't have enough qualities, finding a proper and stable job stand always as a very big problem. His mother ofcourse wants him to get married, every mother does, but maybe you're seen as an opportunity for them. Don't look at the situation just as a love issue, alas sometimes people do things to have a better life (especially when you're living in an socially unbalanced country). I think you're wise enough to protect yourself, and when you go to see him in february I think all the things will be clearer, and you will be able to make up your mind better.

Thank you mltm (and for your past translations!). Believe me, I am NOT a fool. All through this relationship I have questioned everything to myself and been VERY cautious with him. I do not even know yet if I will go to see him in February. My concern is for the past week or so - this sudden wish to marry me does seem to coincide with his sudden lack of money! Also, I am not a very young girl (I am not OLD, but you know what I mean) and we stayed in a very good hotel, so he knows I have a good career and money. I think it is a shame, because despite all, I was very attracted to him and we had fun together.

Hi class mates!!!! I am soo lost. I really need help in learning how to use this site...

It seems to be an interesting site. But how would I learn Turkish?? Where do I have to go in this site? I am a new user..


Thank you

Kelebek

He doesn't have money at the moment (for me it means he will not have money in the future, too) because he doesn't have a stable job. If you have a career, it means that you have some high education and I suspect if he has one. It's a social wound, but there are millions of people like him here.I don't see these people lower than me, you can find them attractive too but I can never think of having a relation with one of them. It's sad but it's the realty. Believe that in Turkey no woman like you with a career and money would get married to him, so why would you get married?
Anyway don't leave him now, stay in contact. Be sure that he isn't for you.
(this is what I think

Thank you again mtlm. I don't wish to get married, TO ANYONE, for years! I am not looking for a husband, so he won't persuade me otherwise! You have helped me very much with your comments though - I don't want to hurt him, but I don't feel the same way as he "says" he feels about me. I hope this will end without problems...

Oh, then good. I thought you were looking for someone to marry. Then it will be very easy, you will just let him know that you won't marry someone in the next ten years every time he mentions marriage So, he'll understand that he won't get anything he wants to get from you (if he wants) and he will start to search for someone else.

I think all my first instincts are confirmed by you all. Instincts like those are easily hidden by romantic words, but my head must rule my heart. I think I will end this before it becomes a problem.

Every day on this site I read messages from girls (never boys you notice!) and all the messages are the same. They are all invited out to visit...there is a proposal..and so on. I want to scream at them "you fools"!! But I am so stupid I didn't notice that I am exactly the same!

It makes me so sad though. Not so sad for the loss of this man, or of love (love is everywhere!) as for my sadness of losing my faith in people's integrity. I loved Turkey so much I can shut my eyes and smell it's rich scent and hear it's melody but right now this man represents Turkey and it has deceived me. I am not a fool, and yet we English appear to be thought of as such because we believe people are being honest. It is very sad.

i think that u should just sit down and talk it all through with him... he is definitely going to fast.. and if u let him kno that he could lose u if he carries on this way.. im sure he will understand that its time to slow down...
dont just leave him straight away..! u should always fight for things in life... cant u just see how it goes? he obviosuly truely loves u very much, otherwise wouldnt want to marry you and start a family eh?

Chris,
This is for you and all of us I think.

MADNESS

To hate all roses
Because you got scratched with one thorn...
To give up on your dreams
Because one didn't come true...
To lose faith in prayers
Because one was not answered...
To give up on your efforts
Because one of them failed...
To condemn all your friends
Because one betrayed you...
Not belive in love
Because someone was unfaitful or didn't love you back...
To throw away all your chances to be happy
Because you did not succeed on the first attemt...
I hope as you go on your way
You don't give in to madness
Remembering always...
Another chance may come up
Another friend
A new LOVE
A renewed strength
Be persistent
Look for happiness in every day.

The sure path to failure is to give up!
It is often through failure that future success comes -
KEEP TRYING!

In your case , Chris I will say in russian "Svet klinom na nem ne soshelsya" - The world did not stop on him. Search!
Good luck!

thats a very touching piece bliss... thanks for sharing that!

I have a little saying: "Love that comes quickly, goes quickly."

Bliss, thank you very much for this poem... Very touching, indeed.

i can relate with your situation chris. i went through the same when me and my turkish bf were starting our relationship. you see, i think it is typical for tutkish guys to treat their gf's or wives as their possession. a lot of time he is telling me that i belong to him. at first i don't mind, it even give me feeling of security. but in the latter days of our relationship, i started to loose confidence in myself. it's making me feel that i am making mistakes all the time, i could no longer think properly, my work is getting affected too. ia m keeping it all by myself because i don't want him to feel bad and i am trying to be patient and understanding all the time. but it is not good for me, he is thinking that everything is ok while all those time i am suffering. one day, maybe i reached the limit of my patience, i opened up everything to him. i told him everything that's been bothering me and how it is making me unhappy with the relationship. i even told him that because of this suffocation i am considering breaking up with him. that confrontation made him realized that in a relationship it has to be mutual. give and take. after everything gets along well for both of us. we learned to compromise. remember in a relationship it's your lives not as individuals but as a couple. try to think things over gurl!
good luck!!!

Yes, you are right annalovesmed.

True Love is "WE" instead of "ME".

Look here: http://www.turkishclass.com/forumTitle_23_487
We have poem here regarding this.

Chris123: I'm pleased you treat this man with reservations.
You got good advice from a Turk following your question. He obviously knows how they think.

I walked along the street a few years in Gumbet and you know the hassle outside the shops and bars. The boys that stood there and said their girlfriend was English and she was pregnant. They seemed very pleased about this. By the time I got to the other end. Alarm bells started to ring, were they getting them pregnant purposely. This was one way of having them. A lot have been got married and it hasn't worked out. Does this mean they have dual passport, I think, yes. Not sure of legal procedure.

Then I started thinking, do they get the Turkish girls pregnant, does this happen, is it to this extent!

Something I notice, because of buying properties, they are very, very nice, to get the business, and when asking for money in advance. Once they have your money, they can become a bit intimidating and in charge. As you know, our system is quite different. The customer is always right.

Having been a lot of times. I can say I am more wary now than I've ever been. I always look for the underlying motive.

hiya Chris123. im in a really similar situation to you.met a nice turkish man in May and we spent two weeks together.i like him but was just taking it all with a typical english laid back attitude and the next thing i know he is sending me texts proposing marriage,talking of meeting parents and true love...its all too much too soon i am scared to death!im only 23 and wouldnt consider marrying someone until i had known them for quite a long time.i am considering ending it,but finding it hard to pluck up the courage to do it getting a lot of texts saying .."i hope you are not cheating on me" i know how you are feeling. its confusing.good luck in whatever you decide love Charlotte XXX

I had decided not to come back to this website again(!) but have just read all your posts and think you are all wonderful!!! Have to go now, but will be back!

This time I am sorry, Chris. I think I cannot attepmt to do it, it is impossible for me. But, please be sure that they are good lines from a poem.