Lately (over the last few days) some of the stories have surfaced regarding the relationships about turkish men and their foreign wives or girlfriends.
After reading these tales of heartbreak it has become my conclusion that no relationship with a turkish man turns out good. Can this be true??
If you are foreign (these are not my thoughts ideas, just what I think others are implying) he will inevitably leave you, cheat on you, or worse. If you are a turkish woman, he will stay with you but probably cheat on you, or worse. Can this be??? I feel utterly helpless after reading these experiances and almost believe that there is no hope for a lasting relationship with a Turkish man. I certainly hope this is false.

If anyone has a story to tell of a lasting relationship (more then a decade please) I would surely love to here it, because at this point my optimism has been severely cracked and I feel (not literally)I must leave my love at once! There must be someone here that can restore my faith, that love is still alive in the 21st century no matter where you are from????

Can't help you with a 'decade-story' but don't be that pessimistic!

Karekin, my opinion on this is - don't get so much influenced by other people's stories, whether good or bad, but just learn from them. What was the common factor in the bad relationships and what was the common factor in the good ones, and most importantly, what do you want from YOUR relationship and how is it satisfied. It's important to get to know his culture, learn what is acceptable to them, what is valuable to them and talk about it with your boyfriend, see what his attitude is (and obviously compare it with his behavior).
Something I find important is that people in a relationship should not be dependent on each other. You need to have your own space and give him his space to be who he wants to be or do what he likes to do. You cannot also be dependent on each other financially, emotionally... etc. If you cannot eliminate these dependencies then you will never know whether he was your true choice or if you were his and honest, genuine love won't have the room to develop.

Yes, sometimes it feels like there's no good relationships out there, but after all we don't HAVE TO have a relationship with a man (or a woman) to be happy, fulfilled people. It's better to be alone (romantically) then to settle with someone out of necessity (that would bring much more misery and damage then anything else). There are plenty single people who are very successful and happy. There is so much more to life then a man/woman.

Karekin, you know, "Happy people have no story" (stole this from a Therapy song

What I meant to say is that it is much less likely to read about someone with a great-love-of-his/her-life-story here, than about people who complain and/or want to share their negative experiences.
It's human nature. When people are happy, they enjoy their happiness and couldn't care less about the rest (and I don't mean this in a negative way, as long as they don't take their happiness for granted that's all fine by me btw)
Unhappy people need to share their story, look for advice/opinions/other people's similar experiences. Which is understandable as well.
TC is such a small community, it's easy to get a distorted image.
You need to find out and decide for yourself if you're happy in your relationship, you're the only one who knows.
But please don't let yourself be influenced by what you're reading here.

Sana, herkese de pek çok sevgiler dilerim!

of course you are right catwoman. Makes me very curious to know how was the relationship with these people up til the point that the man (seemingly) just up and left.

They make it sound as if things were great and then all of the sudden the man decided he no longer wanted to be there. I feel that my relationship has problems but I am a realist, and do realize that there is no such thing as a "perfect relationship". I also realize that my relationship has qualities that make it strong, strong enough to tackle the problems and hope for the best.

I just hope that somehow stories will surface that prove this is the rare occasion rather than the norm.

I think one must start everything over again by forgetting about all kinds of stories of people - whether bad or good. There will be no use in reading them, knowing about them. Even though you read millions of both bad and good -love- stories, you will still be alone in your own relationship. Because every new love relationship will be unique, too different than your previous ones and those of other people, full of unknowable and unpredictable things and affairs, unexperienced, like a child who learn how to walk and live in time. Briefly, each time only you and your partner will again and again be on the arena or in the field of love. Each time only you and your partner!

Like everyone else has said: don't be pessimistic!
I think that relationships between a turk and a western foreigner have tough odds for cultural and possibly geographical reasons and I would never advice anyone to engage in this kind of relationship because it's really hard, but it's definitely possible.

I'd like to think that I'm a perfect example of a success story Well, we've been together for 3 years now, married since october 2005, and we have gone through some really tough times but our bond has proved to be unbreakable. Now ther may be some of you who think that we're too young to be sure it's going to last and yadda yadda but I swear we're going to prove you wrong. Despite our cultural differences we have the same outlook and dreams for life so I'd say that being so young has been a huge plus for us because we have helped form eachother into who we are today. Our problems regarding visa, place to stay, prejudices, distance (basically everything that society has thrown against us) have only made us closer and we couldn't care less what everyone else thinks about us. Monogamy (agh there's a certain word for something like this in turkish but I can't remember it) is extremely important for both of us and I think the problem for many relationships between turks and foreigners is that they have met under very "loose" circumstances, they sometimes don't have a sense of commitment and genuine trust or empathy so their foundation is not very solid. Of course, others are simply unlucky.

when i started "reading/following" those sad stories i told my husband about it. He told me not to read as it may affect me, us. And he keeps wondering how the relationship went so far if they can't communicate with each other with all those translations going on. He just can't get it.
Its hard enough marrying somebody of different personality, culture, religion, beliefs then you add communication to that. Relationship is not an easy thing. No guarantees. Whether you marry a turkish guy or any other guy for that fact. Marriage is a two-way street.
Karen don't give up. Be cautious thats fine but don't give up. Their stories are not your story. Their life is not your life. We do whatever we can to make the relationship work and hope for the best. Hope and pray. hard.
Good luck.

I know there are a lot of stories about relationships with Turkish men falling apart...but you must be careful not to generalise.

Relationships can end whether you are English, American, Turkish, Greek, Russian...ANY nationality. People who have been together for 30 years or more can still come to the end.

It's not just about relationships with Turkish men. I think it's important that women do not compare their relationship to those they read about on message boards; whilst it can be a comfort it can also cast doubts which would not otherwise surface! Your relationship is personal to you.

You all are very right, guess I was just getting a bit nervous after reading some of these stories :-S
Since me and my bf didn't meet under "loose circumstances" and took our relationship slow, and have been a couple for a few years I guess I really shouldn't compare it to others. After all he on his own restores my faith. I broke my ankle yesterday and the way he caters to me like a sick child warms my soul enough to know that he loves me as much as I love him. It would be nice to not have these odds against us but I suppose it builds a solid foundation.
Anyway, without going on and on, I'll just say thanks to you guys for the kind words. Mheart72, Elisa, Melatyagirl, Azade, and catwomen (hope I didn't forget someone). Happy mothers day!

Karekin04, though my successstory hasnt passed a decade yet, I know what you are takling about. I came accross the same kind of stories on internet, and wondered if i was making a right decision to leave my own country at such a young age in which the chances for a good life were right in front of me.

I realized that the times I was upset about these stories, were the worst times in our relationship. Suddenly my faith was gone, on behalf of someone I dont know at all, whose relationship may have ended for much more different reasons than he/she told on internet. Kadir realized my weakness and it hurt him very much.

Now, I have been here for around 8 months, and the biggest problem in our relationship is me: being unexperienced about love, suddenly having to start a life in a country that is strange yet so known to me, in a life where i live with many uncertainties just for the day. My biggest support is Kadir, and I can tell with honesty: its a miracle he's still able to stand me

Also, the life I learnt here, is very different from in the stories. Being around Kadir a lot, I also have many male friends. I think I can say with honesty that none of them is capable of doing what the men did in the stories. They are more modern and good-mannered than many men i know in holland.

Maybe we have not passed a decade yet, but the first steps make the foundation to reach that decade and more, and İ think ours is a successtory. You must not forget that a relationship between two different cultures is always hard. I am not saying harder than any other relationship, but from different angles you live different problems. It does not depend on the culture where youre from if you can handle this: it depends on whether your strong enough.

I hope time will proove I am strong enough, because I can say Kadir definitely is.

I think all the success stories shared by women here only show how strong, mature and smart they are. It really, seriously makes me wonder where thoughts like "it's a miracle that he can put up with me", or "I hope I will be strong enough" are coming from? I think you girls need to look in the mirror and appreciate yourselves more. You are also "putting up" with your men from time to time, it's a two-way street! That's a normal thing in a relationship. No need to down-value yourself saying how much he's "putting up" with you.

And Deli_kizin questioning her strength... that just doesn't sound right (it's more like an oxymoron), I don't even know you very well and I can see that you are very brave and strong. It's ok to have moments of doubt... sometimes they give us the right signals and sometimes it's a reminder that we're human.. . And I hope you don't believe for a moment that men don't have them either (except that they are "not supposed" to show weakness).

I just want to share my story with you quickly, maybe it will give you some confidence.

My other half was a resort worker, a holiday romance if you like (we didn't DO anything though if you know what I mean and he never expected or assumed anything). When I came home back to England I did not expect anything to develop from it but I knew in my heart just how deeply I loved him. I put up with some awful point of views and some people were very nasty about him, people who I expected support from. It would have been so easy for me to generalise and walk away from him but I stood strong and after all this time we are so in love and we can't imagine our life without eachother now!
Yes he is a resort worker but it's just a job for him to support his aunt and uncle. I just want to say for all you girls who are with resort workers its not all about sex and money...for some guys it is literally a job like any other! A Turkish man working in resort, or a man working in Butlins Holiday Camps...a job is a job!