Thank you _AE_ for clarifying all this. As a beginner learner, of course, being naive, I thought it meant something else........now I know better!

Will try to remember it, it´s rather fun as a word! Will definitely use it too, if I may!

Hehe you should definately use it here!

It actually started when a girl posted a thread about a man and mistyped "dude" - writing "dudu" instead!

It is a Turkish Class word, but have been told that it has spread everywhere now and appears on MSN Groups and Facebook Groups!!!   Ouh...the power of the internet

I would not want to be in the place of Argon. That is horrible!

I think it is not very good to look in personal messages and all. Sometimes in a couple, not knowing is better than knowing because sometimes it is just a wave to cheat in a relationship, it can calm down without you even knowing it.

 I agree with you (!). Sometimes it is just need for attention and nothing more.  It is not worth breaking up for it.  I hope everything works out for Argon

Argon,

Are you going to go back with her at Christmas or is this news to you??

It sounds like he is the one that is persuing her and to be honest I have been in that situation and it does flatter you, but sooner or later you realise that this is all it is belive me as soon as she wants to talk to him about something serious or emotional you wont see him for dust!!!

I hope that you are ok and that everything works out for you both. 

Well, at least I know now! However, painful it may be. Thanks so much to everybody who helped me out. I know its a bit ´underhand´ to go through the emails. The first time was actually an accident when she left her hotmail account open.Once the suspicious seed was sown I couldn´t help myself to look further. The big question is how I handle it now? We have a 2 year old daughter.

I have quite a short temper normally but I am exercising great self control at present.I will continue to monitor the emails. It does help to be one step ahead after all! Calling her bluff, I have said I will go to Turkey at Christmas now. Apparently, she has decided not to go now. Apparently, she made up her mind at least a month ago! What do I do now? Do I admit I´ve read them. If I don´t will it burn me up inside? Should I be in an agony aunt forum!!!

 Some things are best kept secret!  I would keep quiet about it - if you lose it and get angry, tell her what you read etc. you could end up separating.  For the time being, I think you are doing the right thing by just monitoring the situation

PS I used to have an agony thread here once as Auntie Aenigma!

http://www.turkishclass.com/forumTitle_25743_4

 Well, if she made up her mind not to go to Turkey to meet him, I think it is safe to say it was just a bit of attention she got from some guy she will never see again.....hardly worth getting into a bit fight about!  I wouldn´t say anything if in your shoes.  Good Luck!

Exactly !....my suggestion is lavishly increase her allowance as well, so she can avoid embarressing situations....what is a good hubby like you for?

Copy mails, messages whatever you can gather as proof in a court of law and divorce her immediately. Avoid alternative approaches which may fatally impair your and your daughter´s futures. Your marriage wows are no longer valid and your daughter will be better off without a mother like that. If you must control your temper, exercise it to avoid speading the story so that your daughter does not suffer later.

my advice is somewhere in the middle.

Yes, copy emails, also through print-screen, so you get the date and everything with it, not just the content. Not necessarily for coutr, but perhaps to confront her later, or for yourself when you break up with her. It´s always good to have a reminder of why you broke up when you´re feeling sorry for yourself later on, and only remembering her good sides.

I think the nature of the emails was WAY to far. The way it is written, things like "I miss your smell"... this is more than just an internet fling. At one point you will have to confront your wife. Perhaps give her some hints first. Not saying anything about hotmail, but perhaps, that she has been acting differently. That you feel like she´s hiding something, and if there´s something she wants to share with you. It´s always better if she tells you the truth, instead of you having to confront her with the truth.

If she doesn´t stop emailing, but she also doesn´t tell you the truth, you need to confront her. Perhaps she will open her eyes and stop betraying your trust, and you can work things out eventually.

But this is not something that will blow over. Plans about Christmas? This is all too much.

Stay calm, stay strong, and make sure you behave in a way that you can still look at yourself in the mirror at the end of the day. Don´t let your temper get the best of you. At the end of the road, you want to look at yourself and say that you did all you could do, in the right manner.

Yes, you are right - it seems more than just flirting. She was in Turkey for 3 weeks about a month ago and I can only imagine if anything actually happened. I know she received a Valentines email from him over a year ago so she has known him for a while. I had thought of the same approach barba_mama.I have already quizzed her as to why the u-turn on her trip at Christmas (i.e. now not going-after I said I would) She normally can´t wait to see her mum. Her reasons for not going are also quite mixed-up and unsure as if taken by surprise. 

Its so hard having to look for things you would rather not find!And so hard to remain calm in the process.Thank you all so much for your advice. If only I can do you guys proud by acting in the right way.