This is my first post to the forum which I've found because my daughter is learning turkish - she has a turkish sweetheart.

I have been browsing the forums tonight looking at the translations and it seems to me that many involve requests for money from western girls.

I had to post because my daughter received a similar request - in english - by text message last night. I genuinely thought my daughter's boyfriend adored her, it certainly seemed so to everyone but now I am not so sure and I am worried.

Sorry my first post here is not a more positive question but what is it with all the requests for money? I am a little concerned as you might imagine and would like some advice, especially from the turkish members of the forum. I truly thought my daughter's boyfriend was genuine and I do not want to see my daughter get hurt.

I hope nobody takes any offence from my question, I am trying to understand, not to offend. Thank you so much.

Mr. Watson,
This is more common in the tourist areas near the seaside cities. Dont send the money. I am sorry for you and your daughter....

Many that do this may be trying to get money from many different girls at the same time.

A big test is to ask your daughter if she can alays reach her boyfriend on his mobile. Does he answer his phone right away or does he call back hours later?

Then they will make an excuse why they couldnt answer their mobile. Every man in turkey carries his mobile every second ogf the day.

Anyway, maybe this was too much info but again, good luck.

There are many views on this thread which may be of interest...

http://www.turkishclass.com/forumTitle_7_3219

I too would never send any money.

Sir,

What are you still waiting for to strongly recommend your daughter to end her relationship with her so-called boyfriend?

I am sure no-one would take offence from your post. It is not a insult to Turkish men - there are good and bad in every country!

I think it shows what a great mother you are to go to all this trouble to find out more

Never ever lend or send money to a person you don't know very well. This is general rule in life that I follow.

If a Turkish boyfriend of a Western girl asks for a mobile phone or for some money then the person should reconsider this relationship very seriously.

Most of these guys in tourism industry are actually very conservative and they don't think very nice things about Western girls.

On the thread mentioned above by SineNomine I have written on this issue in more detail:
http://www.turkishclass.com/forumTitle_7_3219

Thank you kind members for taking the trouble to reply to me. The link I was referred to was very thought provoking and your post Erdinc, especially so.

She did meet this boy in a tourist resort, but my daughter is convervative by nature herself, which is why we thought they were quite well suited and why the request for money came as such a surprise. Her father and I have met him and thought him trustworthy.

Perhaps what I was hoping for was the possibility the situation wasn't as bad as it seemed (even though I feared it was) and there could be another explanation for his actions.

Sadly, it looks like I will be dealing with a broken-hearted daughter instead. But I thank you all for your honesty.

GWatson

Oh This is so upsetting to hear
I really do hope this Turkish man is genuine ... it would be so awful for your daughter... and also for you to stand around and see her heart breaking.

I hope it's all ok for her. And you just sound like the perfect, caring parent. ... good on you !

Don't send any money and ignore this person. You will only experience more problems and more headache by keeping in contact.

Sometimes easier said than done though.. but it's indeed the best thing to do.. There are so many good Turkish guys, but unfortunately also so many bad ones..

I don't understand those Turkish men who ask their foreign gilfriends for money. Do they have no pride? My boyfriend would never ask me for money, he is to proud for it, he says that is he was healthy and young, even if his family was poor, he can earn money himself and look after me.

I hate to say it but i have to agree with the general theme of the thread.Don't send any money or phones etc.Unfortunately this is a common trend...asking for money and such i mean.These guys are normally on terrible wages but are not short of charm.its sad to see what lengths they will go to for money etc.i have experienced this myself and see it all the time in the resorts.

I am very sorry for your daughter. She should decide what to do. In any case, she should not send the money because, if they stay in touch, it will give him the feeling he has her under control. He might really be a good, genuine guy who réally just needed the money and seriously meant to pay it back, but sometimes an event like this, can cause a change in the person and will make him 'greedy' and 'overruling'.

I personally don't think you should drop the guy off in one second. She should make clear to him that she likes him, but can't send him any money: she doesn't really make her own living and it's not fair to ask her parents to pay her boyfriend, as his life is his own responsibility and not yours.

By making clear that you are really not willing to send money, but he stays in touch.. maybe he might understnad that he shouldn't ask such things. By always quitting the contact immediately, he'll never learn. Maybe he never will and maybe I'm just too positive.. but as you say, you've met the guy yourself and I'm sure you are not too naive yourself.

Erdinç is right though, it really might cause more problems if you keep involved. But if this is going on, you can always quit the contact.

Also, the phone-thign is a good 'test'. Turkish bfs are very caring and they really want to know where their girlfriends are and they will want to be there for them always. So their phone will be reachable almost anytime. (unless in a bus or soemthing, where phones are forbidden). If she can barely ever reach him immediately, i'd think twice myself too. I don't know if he speaks English or not, but if he doesn't even really try to learn English..

On this website I have seen that teh loves that have most chance to survive, were genuine from the start and both sides are trying to learn English and Turkish to at least overcome communication-problems.


Last thing I agree with all the other members.I think it's a good thing you tried to find information abotu this as a parent. She might be heartbroken for a while, but if you hadn't done this, she might get heartbroken ánd pennyless at the same time.

I wish her good luck. Maybe she'd like to be a member of this website as well. There ar emany girls like her out here and everybody here is willing to help. I found this site very helpful as I made many friends, improved both my English and Turkish and learnt a lot about Turkish culture.

I don't know if he said he will pay back I just kept the possibility open that it is a good guy.

I just gave Kadir 80 euros But that was because I left them there in summer so that I would not spend them myself here in Holland.. and as he has to pay for my rent starting from tomorrow, he can put that together with the money my dad will send

If he really needed the money and was ready to pay back why doesn't he go to a bank? If you have a good credit history or a turstfull income then you should go to a bank and get a credit or get a credit card.

If you don't have these then you can not guarantee that you will pay back a friend on time either.

The difference is that the bank will ask back for the money and the person will not be able to say "I will pay back in two months" and after two months "I will pay back next month" and so on.

Isn't it meaningless not to go to a bank and ask people for money and make them suspicious of yourself. There is every reason to be suspicious in this case.

I remember many topics on this issue in our translation forum. I wish I could find some of them now to show you how frustrated foreign women were when they were fooled.

I have only wrıtten once on the forum but I felt I had to answer thıs mum. I have just fınıshed workıng 4 years ın tourızm and lıvıng ın Marmarıs. (I am now at a dıfferent resort thıs year) but ıts the same story over and over agaın wıth these guys. I am marrıed to an Arab guy and spend the wınters lıvıng ın a vıllage and these people are very poor, not all but some very very poor. The guys who work the seasons have to try and make a lot of money to see them through the wınter and also gıve the famıly money.
But before condemmıng most of them lets just look at the western women that come here and gıve them money, buy them jewellery, cars etc. Its because of these stupıd (sorry but theres really no other word) women that ıt ıs very hard to know ıf the man u meet ıs true or not. It ıs normal for a Turkısh guy ın tourızm to ask for money, mobıle phones etc because I know for a fact they cant see anythıng wrong ın ıt, and as some1 saıd on the forum some wıll have a few they are gettıng money off. I dont know how long your daughter has known thıs young man but you are rıght to be concerned and to safeguard her because I have seen women bled of all theır money here ın Turkey. The sun, sea and holıday are wonderful but lıke anywhere else thıs can be a very hard country to lıve ın. Holıday resorts are not real places, ıts paradıse for 1-2-3 weeks. But there are some happy endıngs as you can see on the forum. I am very happy myself, we dont have a lot but we are happy. Sorry to go on but I have lıved Turkey over 4 years and travelled extensıvely and lıved ın vıllage. Out of resort areas you can meet some of the kındest and nicest people. Hope all goes well. And just a thought, ıf every woman stopped sendıng money and mobıle and whatever else ıt would make lıfe a lot easıer to be able to sort out the trıcksters!

Selcan
Selcan

Please let us know if we were correct or incorrect

I thank you all for taking the trouble to post a response to my message. I have showed these replies to my daughter.

She will not be sending any money to Turkey but at this stage wants to give the boy in question a second chance. It is very difficult and I hope with time and upon some reflection her feelings will change. Unfortunately all I can do is advise her and hope she listens to me and the clear message in these postings.

GWatson

I don't think we should be too harsh. These boys have just learned from experience! There must be a lot of silly girls sending presents and money to these workers and so it becomes "normal" to them, and they probably believe they are asking nothing unusual!

Some of the hypothetical girls mentioned in posts above dont have the benefit of experience and think they are the only one that has been asked for money or whatever else. From various posts I have read in other sites, as soon as NO comes into it they usually forget the girl and move on to the next suspect. Doesn't mean they are bad but they are just taking advantage of situations as they present themselves, and really who can blame them for trying. If they have been successful once or twice, why not try again?

I didn't have time to read all of replies here but from me I can add that this is not the rule.It depends from character not from nationality..
But if he asks her about money he is probably from the "dark side"of Turkish guys.
I noticed that for Turks taking money from girls is some kind of...I don't know how to call it...degradation,debasement.They want to take care about their girlfriends in every single way..Even financial ones.
Of course it just my opinion but I think that Turks are real cavaliers
P.S.I hope that you daughter let you to read this sms.In other case you shouldn't do it...
Take care about you and her!!

SineNomine-good commentSelam

a real good man who would not ask the money from a woman, no matter what the reason is, especially before serious relationship. so, I said be careful

in my openion 99% he is not a good guy but if she knows him well she should ask him why does he need the money or what will he spend it on. but if the relation is still in the beginning then most probably he only wants the money not her..
but i prefer to give him a last chance AND dont send the money. send it only if there is a rational excuse.
good luck 4 ur daughter.

I shared this story and the responses with the man I recently fell in love with in Turkey. He was horrified. We spent 2 days fighting, because he couldn't believe I was raising doubt about his love for me. We knew each other for a very short time, but really fell madly in love.

He would never ask me for a dime. It would be the end of our relationship. Really. I also realize we are much more mature than your daughter and her suitor.

Still, I do believe it presents a serious character flaw.

I teach teenagers, so I understand you may feel like you are taliking into the wind. Perhaps she could get a job and earn the money to send him. She would learn a deep lesson about work and love that way

Good Luck