Hello everybody,

Tonight i wrote my first Turkish poem. I would like to share it with you, and i would like if some native speaker could see if it is ok and correct it where it is not.


Benim için ağla saz.
Benim gülümsemem nereye gitti?
Benim için ağla saz.
Çünkü ağlayamam, daha fazla ağlayamam.
Bir daha ağlamak istemiyorum.

Benim için ağla saz.
Benim gülümsemem nereye gitti?
Hadi benim için ağla, ağla
Çünkü gülümsemek istiyorum yine.

Benim için gülümse saz.
Çünkü gülümsemek istiyorum.

Hayır, benim için gülümseme saz
Ama..
Benimle gülümse saz
Çünkü gülümsemek istyorum.
Çünkü gülümsemem lazım

Benimle ağla saz
Benimle gülümse saz
Çünkü aşkı hissediyorum.

----------------

This is what i tried to say:

Cry for me saz.
Where did my smile go?
Cry for me saz.
Because i cannot cry, i cannot cry anymore.
I don't want to cry anylonger.

Cry for me saz.
Where did my smile go?
Come on cry for me, cry
Because i want to smile again

Smile for me saz.
Because i want to smile.

No, don't smile for me saz.
But..
Smile wíth me
Because i want to smile.
Because i need to smile.

Cry with me saz
Smile with me saz
Because it is love I am feeling.


-----

Can someone correct it where it is wrong and explain me why it is wrong?

Thanks in advance

Correction in Turkish:

"Çünkü gülümsemeğim lazım" değil.."Çünkü gülümsemem lazım"
"Çünkü aşk hissediyorum" değil..."Çünkü aşkı hissediyorum"

Advise in philosophy:

Everyone needs a good smile now and then. The best way to get a good smile yourself is in getting others around you to smile first.

Was that the only mistake i made?

Yeah true. But it's getting hard to smile if you learnt how to love and then suddenly you are on your own for a while again. But i gained new motivation and energy to keep on going the next 5 months till we see eachother again, so i decided i wanted to write that down in turkish

Great!!!
I like your poem!!
I hope some day i will write a poema too.
Smile and the life will be better!!

M.T.

I LIKE IT....!!!!1

im impressed....

http://www.tulumba.com/storeitem.asp?ic=MU971223VZ312

Samples (only samples) of saz music at its best.. Try the links

Thank you all

I'll try the links anytime soon, because i really love saz-music.

Wow, it's so good. You should have worked hard on it.
I would make one more correction, for a poem, it's not good to write "ya", just make it "hadi". Otherwise, it loses its emotion.

what a nice poem

Ok thank you very much, I'll modify it straight away

It actually didn't take sooo long to write it, i guess half an hour.. because i felt like some sentences had been in my mind for some time already, really weird. Just waiting for the right time to be written down.

I'm glad you liked it

woowww.. niceeee keep on smiling

Congratulations Deli_kizin for your poem and also for the courage to post it. It is really nice and I am impressed.

Sincerely

aw thanks for sharing that deli-kizin, thats a beautiful poem congratulations keep up the good work!

Everyone needs a good smile now and then. The best way to get a good smile yourself is in getting others around you to smile first.
evet cok gercek
smile and the world smiles with you
cry and you cry alone

Thank you all

I had already almost forgotten about this poem
Once my exams are finished i will try to write more, though that would mostly be to practise my Turkish and not my poetical talent, as there isn't really any

Once again, thanks

ur song is very good deli_kizin...i dont know to write poems and because of that,can i sing ...hehehe...i mean on ur poem...hmmm....

cok guzel tebriklerrr

harika olmus ikincisini denemelisin