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turkish mother in laws
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| 1. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 10:15 am |
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Dears,
due to some unfortunate circumstances, we are in the situation of receiving my grandmother in law to live with us ...
She is a nice woman, she likes me, but still the idea of living in the same house with her cant put a smile on my face ...
I want to ask your opinion about turkish mothers in law 
of course its not a stereotype, but still, just as idea ...
Thanks!
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| 2. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 11:25 am |
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the idea of living with parents is not good.
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| 3. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 11:31 am |
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Hi Inankur - from what I have seen in my few years here, is that mums-in-law (MLI) do become part of your everyday life. I feel that in Turkey, this is the norm and tends to go with the flow of things. For example, MIL will often call the daughter (in-law) to help or prepare food together, or clean together..... This very obviously can depend on the type of family you are married into, traditional or utterly modern, and will vary hugely.
My advice to you is this, if you are a very private couple who love your time alone together, you need to set up some sort of boundaries whereby at certain times each week, you must have privacy and perhaps have the salon to yourselves and be strong enough to stick to it, making sure your husband will support this (nothing worse that son giving into MIL).
Also, don't change who you are and the way you act together. A Turkish friend of mine had to stop kissing her husband on the check or holding his hand whenever his mother came to stay. Very sad and it really upset my friend because she totally loves her husband. Of course, this is extreme and unlikely to happen to you. My point is don't start giving in and changing the way you both natural are together in order keep the peace, MIL should also adapt to change.
Just be sure to discuss all your worries with your husband BEFORE MIL arrives. Don't wait for problems to start before talking.
Agony Aunt Cacık
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| 4. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 11:38 am |
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Quoting Cacık: Hi Inankur - from what I have seen in my few years here, is that mums-in-law (MLI) do become part of your everyday life. I feel that in Turkey, this is the norm and tends to go with the flow of things. For example, MIL will often call the daughter (in-law) to help or prepare food together, or clean together..... This very obviously can depend on the type of family you are married into, traditional or utterly modern, and will vary hugely.
My advice to you is this, if you are a very private couple who love your time alone together, you need to set up some sort of boundaries whereby at certain times each week, you must have privacy and perhaps have the salon to yourselves and be strong enough to stick to it, making sure your husband will support this (nothing worse that son giving into MIL).
Also, don't change who you are and the way you act together. A Turkish friend of mine had to stop kissing her husband on the check or holding his hand whenever his mother came to stay. Very sad and it really upset my friend because she totally loves her husband. Of course, this is extreme and unlikely to happen to you. My point is don't start giving in and changing the way you both natural are together in order keep the peace, MIL should also adapt to change.
Just be sure to discuss all your worries with your husband BEFORE MIL arrives. Don't wait for problems to start before talking.
Agony Aunt Cacık
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now aunty, you made me 
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| 5. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 11:44 am |
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Quoting Cacık: Hi Inankur - from what I have seen in my few years here, is that mums-in-law (MLI) do become part of your everyday life. I feel that in Turkey, this is the norm and tends to go with the flow of things. For example, MIL will often call the daughter (in-law) to help or prepare food together, or clean together..... This very obviously can depend on the type of family you are married into, traditional or utterly modern, and will vary hugely.
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it really doesnt matter, even if the mother is  we all want to live separate. thats why we leave and build our own life. living in clans is horrible.
mothers always mother.
Quoting Cacık:
My advice to you is this, if you are a very private couple who love your time alone together, you need to set up some sort of boundaries whereby at certain times each week, you must have privacy and perhaps have the salon to yourselves and be strong enough to stick to it, making sure your husband will support this (nothing worse that son giving into MIL).
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if you decide to live together, why not compromise? why not try to change? 
Quoting Cacık:
Also, don't change who you are and the way you act together. A Turkish friend of mine had to stop kissing her husband on the check or holding his hand whenever his mother came to stay. Very sad and it really upset my friend because she totally loves her husband. Of course, this is extreme and unlikely to happen to you. My point is don't start giving in and changing the way you both natural are together in order keep the peace, MIL should also adapt to change.
Just be sure to discuss all your worries with your husband BEFORE MIL arrives. Don't wait for problems to start before talking.
Agony Aunt Cacık
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my conclusion, dont let other people destroy your marriage. even angels can be annoying.
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| 6. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 11:53 am |
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we had her staying for a 2 weeks in home -because she is in process of divorcing my father in law... and she is always saying: KESKE you didnt put meat in the makarna. Keske you didnt put tuna fish in the salat.Keske we would have meyve suyu instead of Cola!
KESKE KESKE ...
plus she is not working, and we are living here with rent + the expenses, plus that she has her own debts and no SSK ... etc etc ...
so its like we need to take care of her from now on ...
she is modern, too modern i might say, she likes Brands and social meetings ...
this as an idea girls, that she is not an angel, no way ...
My husband knows her very well, he doesnt want for her to move in, but in this "without escape" situation we have no way ...
I wont change anything about us and i will continue putting ET in the MAKARNAAAA!!!!!!!!
hehehhee
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| 7. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 11:56 am |
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Hi Femme
You know exactly what I meant about don't change the way you are together, I mean you shouldn't compromise on the love and affection you feel and show to each other (of course I don't mean one could fornicate on the lounge floor infront of MLI - that obviously would be disatrous).
You are just being pedantic! 
I agree with you that parents shouldn't live with their kids as the norm, couldn't agree more in fact - but Inankur says that there are different circumstances that makes it necessary. Surely even you don't advocate kicking your own parents or in-laws out in difficult circumstances ?
Oh and the aunty thing - just a joke, sorry to offend you FF if that was your position.
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| 8. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 11:56 am |
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Quoting Inankur: we had her staying for a 2 weeks in home -because she is in process of divorcing my father in law... and she is always saying: KESKE you didnt put meat in the makarna. Keske you didnt put tuna fish in the salat.Keske we would have meyve suyu instead of Cola!
KESKE KESKE ...
plus she is not working, and we are living here with rent + the expenses, plus that she has her own debts and no SSK ... etc etc ...
so its like we need to take care of her from now on ...
she is modern, too modern i might say, she likes Brands and social meetings ...
this as an idea girls, that she is not an angel, no way ...
My husband knows her very well, he doesnt want for her to move in, but in this "without escape" situation we have no way ...
I wont change anything about us and i will continue putting ET in the MAKARNAAAA!!!!!!!!
hehehhee |
It does not sound very promising.
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| 9. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 11:57 am |
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Only just read Inankur's post after I posted previous messgae to FF.
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| 10. |
13 Feb 2008 Wed 12:02 pm |
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i wonder if after the divorce she will get a alimony from father in law or smth. cuz he stays with the house, he is architect so he has money etc etc ... turkish law says anything in these cases?
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