As part of its activities to mark today’s International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, the Konya-based Compassion Association (Þefkat-Der) has prepared a report titled “Excuses for Domestic Violence in Turkey and Recommendations from Women Victims on How to Avoid Violence.” 

The report is the result of the association’s findings after speaking with the 9,000 women and girls who have fallen victim to domestic violence and sought shelter with Þefkat-Der, which runs women’s and refugees’ shelters and works on behalf of oppressed peoples, since 1995.

The ‘reasons’ Turkish men abuse women

The report details the excuses Turkish men use for beating their wives: “The woman’s not wanting to engage in sexual activity, the woman’s gaining weight, her inability to bear children or her not bearing a male child, the food she’s cooked being too salty, burnt, cold or not according to the man’s tastes, not doing a good job ironing his clothing, being late in answering the door when he’s come home and knocked, the woman’s getting ill or not getting better after getting ill, leaving the home without permission, a couple’s child being unsuccessful, the home’s heater not being turned on, a child not looking like its father, the woman’s wanting a divorce, the woman’s interference in the man’s relationship with another woman, the working woman’s not giving her husband her entire salary, the refusal of ‘berdel’ [a type of arranged marriage], the woman’s wanting to work, the man’s being unemployed, family financial difficulty, the man’s soccer team losing a match, being warned by his wife about his alcoholism or gambling addiction, an argument between men about ‘machismo.

More: http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=159723

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First: I know an article like this will attract reactions - some probably of the deniying kind but I found it too important that I still posted it.

Second: I highlighted some ´reasons´ for abuse and I know that is not only typical for Turkish males but that it happens everywhere for the same type of reasons in the world. But don´t shoot the messenger, it IS about Turkey and publiced in a Turkish newspaper...

I don´t believe there is a reason to shoot the messenger  , i agree as you said that this could be applied to perhaps any country or any family in the world.

 The men  gave these answers as excuses ( and not reasons why ) all i would say is it´s always easier to blame someone else for your own behaviour, but i would hope some responsibility could , be taken by these men (or so called men ) to sit up and be aware  !! nothing forces this as a response

( i do realise that this info was compiled by the women, but i am sure they were aware of the excuses their husbands told them for their abuse)

I would say, there are so many old-fashioned couples where husband is the king of the family for all intents and purposes. Contrary to what you may expect, in some cases even spouses being university graduates does not change the brutal treatment wives receive from their "primitive" husbands.  Many of those are arranged marriages with the families of both spouses getting involved in every aspect of the relationship. It is a sad story the gravity of which can only be truely appreciated by those who live it.

A common underlying problem is the fact that these are almost invariably very sad people; misfits who take revenge of their irreversible grief by oppressing each other.

Regardless of how incompatible they are; there are certain social factors keeping these sad people together. "Namus" is one of them. Although there is not a direct translation of this concept it can be understood like this: when a woman is not ever seen with a man unless she is married to him or a relative of his, she is considered  a "namuslu" woman. It is like good fame. Remaining "namuslu" entails leading a careful life and can be very difficult to maintain depending on where you are or who you are. It is relatively easy to lose it and once it is lost it is impossible to regain it. The consequences of losing one´s namus can be tragic. Getting a divorce is a question mark, being a widow is almost an invitation to losing it and a second marriage is usually equally inconceivable for women of good name.  This fact alone makes a certain group of women in this country highly vulnerable practically forcing them to give all the reins of their lives to their husbands. Families with this general outlook are rampant in the countryside and in the ghettos.

In religious quarters, because the customs encourage male dominance and advise submission to men, this situation is even graver. Nonetheless, we observe a mutual consent and therefore relatively better-working marriages. Both spouses believe they are doing the best thing by letting the man to take the reins. Naturally, there is less brutality in this sort of family.

Luckily not all families are run that way...

Having worked with victims of DV, I thought I´d contribute my 2 cents to the discussion.

What people sometimes wonder is why do the women stay in abusive relationships? What I often find is that women feel that they have no other choice - there´s children involved, they are economically dependent on the husband, do not have resources to move out and be on their own, are afraid of the partner´s retiliation once they leave, and, surprisingly they claim they love their partners (or think they do) and hope for things to change. I would imagine in Turkey the issues to be identical, even compounded by the extra factor of tacit approval of the situation by families or communities. And whereas it is important to raise awareness of the issue (and what the article does and suggests in some ways) it is also important to find ways to empower the women so they have choices. Are there laws in place protecting the victims? Where they can turn to for help? Would they be able to support themselves and their children if needed? Unfortunately, in many cases that is not the case. I don´t think "reciprocating the type of abuse" is the answer here either (as some women suggested in the article). And I don´t think things will change much until it becomes unacceptable to the society (Turkey or otherwise) to allow such abuse to take place and the finger of blame shifts from the victim to the abuser.

 I think this is great insight vineyards. 

I think the terrible economic situation that many Turkish families face is a huge part of the violence as well.  I know many young Turkish men who are very educated, who can not find work.  Most of them have put off marriage, but some of them, because of family pressure are forced to marry.  Of course, there is never an excuse for violence, but I think this is a very common underlying cause.

I found this sad topic interesting to read. I know far too well what an abusive marriage is like, and how difficult it is to leave.  That is hard enough in my country where there is plenty of help, but when you are a woman in that situation it makes you feel as though you are to blame. You therefore stay in that marriage as long as you can and keep your secret.  I was lucky to be strong enough to leave knowing it was not my fault.  I can not imagine how some women feel in male dominated countries especially in poor areas and where there is no help.It makes me so angry that some men can be this way and I know that no man will ever treat me that way again.  I did learn one thing,and that is men that behave like that, need to feel power and by abusing women it seems to give them that power, but proves what cowards they really are.

I am glad to see that there is more awareness, if only to show women in that situation that they should not put up with it and leave.

no denial post so far?That drives Trudy mad.

There is violence against women in Turkey, Trudy, yes, Ja!

To mind comes a lecture at university I had about 2 weeks ago about honour killings and the concepts of namus and þeref.

The lecture was aimed at giving us an insight on how some cultural matters work, and to make us understand them, without having understanding on the concept itself (maybe a Dutch speaker can help me out explaning: begrijpen zonder begrip te hoeven hebben).

First, generally anthropologists divide three concepts:

1. Honour killings (physical ´dirt´ on the woman that cannot be cleaned in any other way)

2. Honour related violence (any kind of violence that is related to the concept of personal honour)

3. Blood feud (an honour killing can result in a blood feud)

Concepts that are important throughout most of the Islamic world, are namus and þeref. They both mean ´honour´, but the concept is more complex than that to explain, as there is no real counterpart in ´our´ language. Things as namus and þeref are more important in the community than anything else. Status is not relevant as long as you dont have your personal honour, personal selfrespect.

The man´s þeref, is closely linked to the namus-ness of his wife, or any other female family member. The man is supposed to protect (and control) the females of a household, his manly honour and personal integrity have to do with that. You have to be a man and respond to what violence has been done towards you, whether it be defending those who are ´depending on your protection´ or protecting your possessions and your flock. It has to do with an intern idea of cultural values that are part of your self-image, extern as in how other people judge you according to it, and something in between: your behavior.

When the namus-ness of a woman is stained, for example because of having an affair, people will talk about this in the community. The þeref of the husband in that case, will be discredited as well: he has not been able in his manlihood to protect his wife (in case of rape) or to control his wife (in case of adultery). It would seem likely to punish the man with whom the woman had (forced or not) sex with. But.. that could result in a blood feud. This is why generally the woman is the victim of an honourkilling, eventhough she is often not seen as the ´criminal´. But it is a social way of getting rid of the stain, without causing a blood feud.

Many people confuse this horrible practice with Islamic law. Honourkillings are not allowed in the framework of Islamic law. Apart from that, it is hard to proove such a thing as adultery really happened anyway: the female has to confess, be pregnant or there have to be 4 male witnesses at that time who did not have the intention to witness such a thing.  But even if proof has been provided, a murder is not allowed within the Islamic law. This is generally a subculture in which local practices play a more important role than religion. It is a concept that is known throughout the whole levant, but one of the reasons that honourkillings occur in TR and not in Marocco, is the difference in community: the maroccan community has the concept of ´bint al-nas´, a daughter of a good family. In case people behave ´unappropriate´, both the girl and the boy are being neglected, thrown out of the family, become outcasts. Nobody wants to have to do something with them and the ´problem´ is solved. In Turkey, where the social cohesion is much stronger (for example more cousin-marriages there than in maghrib), the social control is stronger as well, and so is the gossip and the chance of a mans þeref being stained.. It explains why many honourkillings are extremely brutal, and why the murderes generally do not feel ashamed or wrong: their cultural framework of social cohesion and control in combination with the male þeref, brings them to the belief this is what must be done. Generally younger male family members are chosen because the punishment will be given under youth-law and they are of less economic significance. The ´suicide honourkilling´ where a woman is forced into killing herself, is simply an ´integration´ into the western law-system.

I know the article wasnt related to honourkillings really, it just came to my mind, as I found the lecture interesting. But lets hope these mentality ideas change ´bir an önce´. Because though honourkillings are as ´strange´ to us ´foreigners´ as they are to the educated people of the bigger cities of Turkey, domestic violence is something, that I see within the same framework, and that still occurs at large, whether it be educated or not, whether it be in big cities or villages. It is simple another branch of a tree that I think needs to be burnt.

 I can´t answer this question, but I do know about in Turkey´s attempt to enter EU, they changed an article in the criminal law codes. There used to be a notion of punishment decrease in case of ´extreme provocation´, whereas there was a tougher punishment when it was about murder in the framework of a blood feud. Honourkillings in this view, are seperated from bloodfeud, because bloodfeuds are far more devastating for the community at a whole, and apparantly honourkillings where seen as ´so inside the culture´, that apparantly a woman´s behaviour could be seen as an extreme provocation...

Luckily these codes have been changed! I dont know what protection there is, but there is no longer a law code that prohibits the court from punishing what the murderer really deserves.

Wow! DK, that was some great info! Thanks so much for sharing..!!!

Could you please just explain to me better what "blood feud" is?