Cat,i live in a community where all marriages were arranged about 50/60 years ago,almost all,and the exception was the otherwise.

So no,i cant say it is part of the problem.

The man who is capable of doing such things to a woman,would do it if he likes her/love her or not

There will be a time when he will say ´Ãm sorry honey,but you drove me to this...forgive me´

But the net result is....he already did.

Not because the marriage was arranged or not,but because the defect is within him!

 Ã agree,and goes without discussion.

But the point..it is NOT an excuse to abuse women..BY NO MEANS!

Ý dont accept ´Ohh but he didnt love her,he was forced to marry her,that is why he abuse her´

A good and honorable man,is a good and honorable man no matter what.

Ý just dont understand,does it satisfy his manly ego that he could beat someone weaker ´physical´ than him ?

Disgusting !

 I never implied that

 Yes,i know

Ý was just making the stress on the main point.in my opinion of course..the problem is within those men and they way they have brought up.

Yes, but I think that his mentality depends on what the society approves also... It is not directly related to arranged marriages, but possibly arranged marriages exist at the same time and place with absolute patriarchy and mentality that gives men all the control over women... I know that a more ´humane´ man would not hurt another person anyway, but the society often influences what kind of people we become..

I wonder how one could explain the presence of domestic violence in countries where that patriarchal system no longer exists, arranged marriages are not an issue, and mentality is supposedly different as well. Maybe there´s something else altogether that accounts for it. I don´t have an answer, just wondering.

I am so impressed by the extremely insightful comments made here by our members (other than tamik, who I wish would have REALLY contributed).

As stated by others, the excuses for spousal abuse are not inherent to Turkey alone.

I heard a story on the radio last weekend about a woman who was abused by her British husband. He would beat her and then….of course….make excuses or beg for apologies.

The disturbing part of the story for me was that she only left him after he cheated on her…..that, she said….is where she drew the line. I was completely appalled!! It is ok for a man to beat you…in front of your children….but if he cheats, that’s it??!!??!!??!!

I do not understand women who stay in this environment. I know the excuses they give, but to me…they are just as bad as the excuses the men give! ESPECIALLY when there are children involved!! They SEE what is happening and that forms the way they view their future relationships. 

 very wise words Canli........... I do not think we can use arranged marriages as an excuse for this type of disgusting behaviour..... I know many men who would never sink so low as to abuse a woman physically or verbally no matter what their situation.... like you said the problem is the mans alone.  For what reason I dont know, perhaps upbringing or perhaps because this kind of behaviour is tolerated in the society around them.

What I would like to know is in turkey how is this behaviour veiwed by other turkish men... do they find this sort of behaviour acceptable, is it something to be proud of?

I am sure there are many men  who find this sort of behaviour as disgusting and shamefull as i do... what we need is an enviroment of zero tolerance....men/woman  who verbally and physicaly abuse their wives/husbands/partners should be made to feel  completely ashamed of their behaviour and understand that what they are doing is wrong and completley unacceptable in society no matter what their financial, marritial, family situation maybe... there is no excuse for this type of behaviour....

and I would hope that any person who is witness to this type of behaviour, maybe in their extended family or friends, will have the courage to speak out ... zero tolerance

Woman is the nigger of the world

Melek asks an interesting question and girleegirl provides supportive examples. Telling you the truth there is not a simple answer to that. What is being discussed here concerns various scientific branches  including psyhology, sociology, biology and psychology. As a result, hundreds of comprehensive treatises have been published with solutions are still nowhere to be found.

The main difficulty is that it is virtually impossible to narrow down this matter. We cannot talk about a certain type of people because people differ dramatically according to the regions they live, races they belong to, cultures they have and cultures they are influenced by. We can go on talking about gender specific issues, social factors shaping the way the identify themselves and others. The mere conclusion of this effort would be some vague evaluations pertaining usually to individual nations. Needless to say, whatever that we can say about nations is destined to be labeled as shallow generalizations.

Because in each nation, there are plenty of social groups with different notions about woman´s place in society. Remember how Canli thinks arranged marriages are not actually a part of the problem. If we asked the same question to say Catwoman, we would probably get quite a different reaction. So the conclusion here is that there is not a universal notion that describes common demands or expectations of women since they are not bothered exactly by the same problems.

There are criminal people in every society. Nonetheless, crime rate is hardly ever so high so as to entitle a whole nation as a criminal one. In some countries  the number of abuses females are subjected to remain in these general boundries, possibly significantly higher  by percentage than crime rate  but still far from being a general attitude. Furthermore, within this marginal group the number of people who also have psychological dysfunctions affecting their social interactions must be far greater compared to general population. Add to that economic factors and the effects of traditions and religion; and you get the picture. While  it may seem irrelevant ,this indirectly answers why females are subjected abuses in highly developed countries. too .Because at the root of the problem, we have psychological disturbances and the relation of that with social identity is very much like the chicken and the egg dilemma. with religion being  a contributing factor.

Women gained suffrage not long ago. Prior to that they were considered legally inequal. It can hardly be said that they won suffrage because they consciously fought for it. That is why masses of women remained unaware and uninterested in political affairs. This is actually the situation with lots of causes. A group of concerned individuals start it without ever reaching a significant following but it serves a starting point whose importance is appreciated long after. What is considered marginal today may become a common belief tomorrow. I believe we are still at the beginning of this.

Presently, the question at hand is why in capitalist countries there are still men abusing women. We have already answered the psychological factors taking part in this. In the previous paragraph we opened a paranthesis where we implied how premature the mechanisms governing woman´s role in society are.  Regardless of how rich or how influential a woman can be, she is still vulnerable in a male dominant society.

Laws may be portraying a certain kind of social setting but with males controlling the set points things do not always work by the book. As a result of this, we see fewer female CEO´s, presidents, PM´s and MP´s. This lays the foundation of the fact that women are dependent on males economically. Humiliated by severe economic conditions,  some women take the first short-cut and sell their bodies. Some  hunt  for a rich husband or they are forced by their relatives to get involved in such marriages. Deprived of a chance to walk out of marriage when things get out of control, many women fall victim to brutality.

In capitalist society, there are winners and losers. Look at the stock exchange, if you won some money there it is because some people lost their money; a shopping mall makes big money by killing hundreds of smaller businesses. In capitalism money draws money and whoever owns it is Mr. Right.  You read his newspaper,  watch his TV  and get exposed to  the policies and idealogies advocated by him.

Being underearned is a legal form of slavery. You are guaranteed to be dissatisfied and full of anger in a world where certain people drive in their limos and enjoy life like there is no tomorrow. In this setting, as said by John Lennon, "Woman is the nigger of the world". It all boils down to economic independence.

 But vineyards,do they really abuse women for those reasons ?

Not because she shouted at him,yieled at his mother,pushed him...etc

Ý mean..really because of cold and salty food ?

Maybe the question seems strange,by all ways no excuse is accepted,but the way i think.

Ýf he abuse her for those minor things....then what sort of life those women have ?!!

How the women be looked at,at the society

Her role,position.

A woman is not just a wife,she is a sister,a daughter and a mother...