I don´t know ANY place where patriarchal system no longer exists.

Even if this was the case, we should refrain from targeting or hurting peaceful Kurds. They are the citizens of this country and whatever problem they have it is our problem too. Neither Turks nor Kurds will gain anything from pointing their fingers at each other about all their internal problems.

This problem is being used by certain quarters who would like to weaken our country. Nobody is paying any attention to the Basks in Spain or to Lapps in Finland because there is little political interest to be gained by agitating these groups in these countries. The heavy artillery and advanced weapons and fighting systems owned by separatist groups prove that these people are immensely supported by certain interest groups. The same groups spread hatred stories among Turks, their fuel is hatred. As long as we continue to hate each other, nothing will change.

We are not talking about a problem between a few people here. We are talking about a problem between tens of millions of people. I lost my uncle-in-law who was a very decent and healthy man in a clash. I know how it hurts. Even he never pointed his finger at Kurds although he was a commander in active service.

+100000000000000000000000000000

And what I said was that in environments where there are arranged marriages, there are different values then ´individual happiness´, the community is more important then the individuals, and men are always the authority... so I think that although arranged marriages are not probably the direct cause, but the culture behind arranged marriages seems to be the same culture that supports that kind of behavior... That´s only my ´thoughts´ though...

That is NOT what she meant!

I was referring to Western societies where the system is de jure if not de facto egalitarian. I do see your point though and all too often what it´s supposed to be like is not what it is in reality.

Where?? 

Did you look anywhere to start with?

A few comments to several posts:

In the Netherlands there is too much domestic violence as well, it´s also in the newspapers. Right now there is an advertisement campaign against it with posters like this:

It says ´Bart hits his wife´ - Report domestic violence. More to know? Call 010-....

But why should I post about that on a forum about Turkey? If anyone is very interested I can, but it´s all in Dutch.

*******

I don´t only post negative things about Turkey (Femme said it before) and Tami should know. I´ve been to Turkey several times in almost every area and I posted stories, opinions ans (newspaper) articles about lovely things I saw and great people I´ve met. But.... if a well known newspaper as Zaman or Hurriyet has articles about negative aspects on their front page, why on earth should I deny it and praise the country into heaven? I don´t do that for any country, including my own. I can understand that one is proud of his/her country but I can not understand that one is covering up evil things with ´reasons´ as ´it is a backward part of my country´ or ´we do that for centuries´. If it is a not-so developed part of your country and you too think things must change, act!! I think changes inside a country must come from inside, not from ´countries with a missionary or colonial mission´. And to be honest, in my view I see way to many smoothening posts - as (again) Femme said before. However, it will never be a reason for me not to say what I think/feel or to post about negative things.  

Maybe my country is one you mean? And yes, it still exists here. Why? Because exactly what you said elsewhere: it´s not about the salty soup, the yelling e.g. It´s about the lack of controlling own emotions, not able to deal with disappointments etc. So, angry with their boss? That´s an ´excuse´ to hit their wife/daughter, according to these men....

 I understand exactly the point you are making ........ thats why I was asking the question... do men/woman  find this type of behaviour acceptable in turkey ?  and im not just asking about arranged marriages, however my thoughts are

not all people who drink are alchoholics, and not all people who take drugs become drug addicts....... its not the drug is the user........ not everyone in an unhappy marriage resorts to physical or domestic violence.

doesnt it take a certain personality to physically and verbally abuse a partner... or is this sort of behaviour tolerated, or even encouraged in certain communities therefore it has become acceptable

I know it happens in my country, but it is certainly not seen as an acceptable behaviour.

I would like to think, as i said earlier, anyone who finds this sort of behaviour disgusting and shameful, and is witness to it, are willing to speak their  minds ....... no matter what your background it doesnt give anyone the right to abuse another person,  maybe by changing the views of society we can put a stop to this behaviour....

 I use to work with a woman who was in an abusive marrage for many years and she said that he always threatened that is she ever left he would kill her and their son. Within the marrage he had always carring out any threats he made, so she was so scared and also got so down trodden that all her  confidence had gone. Then after a very violent beating because his tea was cold and the reason his tea was cold was he had stayed in the pub instead of going home at the appointed time. She deceided that if she stopped she was going to be killed anyway, so finally left. And of course because of the coward he was. he never came looking for her. She is now in a very happy marrage.