TO ANDREA

it doesn't make any difference to you if he is kurdish but many turkish people do not like kurdish -- it is a political thing i think !!

my phone bill was £120 for this month!!! and like you i don't want to spend all my money when i go back. but i know he is poor and that is how i justify it too -- but then i a have very little money also
it is a sad situation

i am so looking forward to being with him but i dread having to leave him


if any of you fancy a chat and have msn my address is elainealison4@hotmail.co.uk

would be lovely to chat xxx

ELAINE XX

Dear Elaine,

Please don't worry so. The truth of the matter is in your heart.

If you listen, you will know. The heart does not deceive.

Maybe, your life will be totally different. I cannot share advice, as I do not have children to think of. When you go again, I suggest you ask him everything you think and worry about. If he is true, he will answer. It might be a good idea to prepare your serious questions in advance in Turkish.

I am going to do the same when I go in December. I wish I had two weeks like you rather than just ten days.

I'm curious, will you be able to stay together in a place, and does he have to work, or will he be able to devote all of his time to you?

I am scared about spending ten days with Omer because we will come to know each other in a very different way than when we were on vacation. I am also excited by the possibilities that might emerge in our together spaces.

I'm wishing you the best!

Christine

Hi Christine,

thank you for your message!!! I guess I do worry but I have never felt so much emotion in my life as I do now!!

We will be staying together when i go back -- Ali works as an electrician/plumber with the appartments i stayed in on my last visit so we are staying there at a reduced rate
He finishes his job there the week before i arrive ,so it will be like a holiday for him too.

Ali seems to think tho that he will easy get a visa to England -- but i know this is not true!!!! He has no money and neither do I !!!! buty we will still try!!
as i have heard that sometimes they just say yes anyway!!

i ,too am a little afraid of spending 2 weekswith him and also he will be getting to know the children better-- tho most turkish love kids anyway

What worries me the most is that i will not be able to leave him at the ebd of the two weeks -- it was bad enough last time!!! When i got back to england my life was a mess as i was sodepressed and sad without him

Also I know he is very unhappy too. I wish I could wave a magic wand so we could live together easily. Iwould be happy to live in turkey but i do not think i could find a job easily and i have the kids to support too.

Having said all this I am not going to give up -- I will listen to my heart:0

I hope everything goes well for you too -- lets keep talking as it is so good to share our feelings !

Also i think it was a good idea of yours to prepare some questions in turkish for him -- i wil have to ask on here for some translations!!!

Hope to hear from you soon

EALINE XX

I guess I'am the only one here so far that would be able to talk to all you ladies a bit more rationally because I have been there more then once with turkish men and have been married twice to turkish men!

From my experience I will say to guard your money and your hearts because it will be gone in no time while you remain with these men. Yes, there may be a few honest ones, but not all!

They all come on sweet and charming, they tell you so easily 'I Love You', some will talk of marriage and children, of course they sound so sincere when they say they want to introduce you to their families, some will even ask for money or gifts for themselves or their families, but at the end you will be the one that loses.

Both of my ex-husbands are turkish, both of them completely different with different backgrounds and education. One was poor with only high school and working in tourist resorts while the other one was a university graduate and a successful businessman, but still the same in many ways.

Andrea, as your family said they are mostly out to get sex, money or a visa from the foreigen women, yes they are right, but then there are some of the TC members here that may say it isn't so because they are married to turkish men, well all I can say to them is that I wish them well in their marriages because then those are the rare ones that were true to them, but you can't trust them all.

I can go on and tell you many things about turkish men that you ladies do not seem to know about yet, not enough time to say everything here, but only I can warn you.

Whether you ladies take my advice or not it's really up to you, but listen to what it is that your gut feelings are telling you since it is usually right.

I wish all you ladies much luck

hi cat leo

thanks for the advice!!! part of me thinks you are right but part of me wants to think that the guy i am with is different!!!! but only time will tell . he hasn't ask for money yet and i have already told him i have none ....which is true!!
i also had turkish bf in england once and i found it difficult as he was very dominant!!

But I am sure there are some lovely guys too who are genuine-- lets hope me and the rest on here have found them!!!


ELAINE

hi cat leo

thanks for the advice!!! part of me thinks you are right but part of me wants to think that the guy i am with is different!!!! but only time will tell . he hasn't ask for money yet and i have already told him i have none ....which is true!!
i also had turkish bf in england once and i found it difficult as he was very dominant!!

But I am sure there are some lovely guys too who are genuine-- lets hope me and the rest on here have found them!!!


ELAINE

Dear Andrea, Elaine, Nicki, Christine and Wendy.

I hate to say the truth but I wish for you all not to get hurt.
It's a long story so I will just say it simply.
Basically I had a turkish boyfriend, who I split up with because we always ended up arguing because we could harldy see each other. Anyway I found out he was cheating on me (and not just with one girl!). The day I split up with him he attacked someone and he is now spending 8 years in jail. (I still don't know the full story)
Also my friend was being cheated on by a turkish man too (twince!).

Anyway as you see turkish men are not always the best one's to trust, but I have freinds who are male turks and they are very nice (one in particular) and genuine but I am afraid to say to you that there are very few. But the one's who are genuine are the nicest guys ever.

good luck to you all with your relationships

Thanks Kai and cat. I really do appreciate your feedback. I guess deep down I have the same feelings, but his family seems so genuine and nice and they have never asked anything of me. I am going in December and now I am worried I have done the wrong thing by going again. I will be aware and careful and keep my eyes open. Of course I will have to ignore my heart (which is sometimes difficult to do)

Anyway, I really do appreciate your advice and I will heed it.

Thanks again,

Wendy (lovebug)

hi kai!!

thanks for the warnings!!! i think we will all be careful with our men from now on!!!

i guess i hope my one is different cos he hardly speaks english and is very shy . also he doesn't work as barman or waiter -- but i guess only time will tell . he spaeks to me on here every night and also by phone every other day. everyone heworks with (females too) say he is a one of the best and a really good guy -- we shall see!!!!!!!!!!

it is only 18 days til i go now and will let you all know how it turns out!!! maybe he will be put off when he sees in reality that i really do not have much money !!

anyway thanks to you all for listening and for the advice

love to you all

ELAINE XX

Kai,

Your story is a sad one. It's a good thing you got away from him. Believe me, I am definitely warned. But, in all places there are good men and bad men. Good women and bad women. I would be broken hearted if that happened to me. But I don't think we can generalize. It comes through loud and clear on this site, that devoted faithful, genuine men are few and far between.

As we all know, life holds no guaruntees. If we each search our souls, we know if we should continue or not. I think we are all very intelligent insightful women, who are not going into any of this with blinders on. I truly have not one regret about my time with Omer. I hope that continues.

I think as long as noone is being hurt, you must pursue your heart. Love, for me, is more of a journey than a destination. And, it involves in this situation a certain amount of risk.

I think it is also important for me to return to Turkey not just for Omer, but because I have a genuine interest in Turkish Studies,language, feminism and Islam. Of course we could break up, but hopefully, I'll be connected to my interests.

I wish everyone the best! Please keep us posted Elaine on your journey,
Christine

hi christine !!

I am really happy that you are so positive -- i am trying to stay that way too!! and when i am in turkey i will make time to try and access this site from there with an update!!!

i hope things work out for you christine and ,indeed, for all of us !!

i agree that there is good and bad everywhere in the world -- but it would be nice to hear of a few more success stories on here!!!

love to you all, ELAINE XX