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Jokes and riddles
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| 450. |
15 Jun 2010 Tue 05:35 pm |
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The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing herfull lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.
The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her,his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his softmurmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothlyreleased her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment,she thought, ´It’s too big! - it will never fit!´ Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been madeonly for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she methis steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.And he knew it wouldn’t be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again...
DON’T YOU JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES? 
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| 451. |
15 Jun 2010 Tue 09:51 pm |
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The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing herfull lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner.
The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her,his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his softmurmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothlyreleased her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment,she thought, ´It’s too big! - it will never fit!´ Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been madeonly for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she methis steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes.And he knew it wouldn’t be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again...
DON’T YOU JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?
A man goes to a store and sees a woman that he finds attractive. She, however does not pay any attention to him, which he finds surprising because he thinks he´s such a ´catch´! He thinks of the size of his ´stuff´ and wonders why everybody can resist him...  He thinks of the experiences he had had with his girlfriends and remembers that they did not exactly seem to be very impressed with his ´skills´. He quickly dismisses these thoughts and drifts away into a fantasy world where every female is ´grateful´ to him about how he pleased her and every woman will certainly ´come back and ask for more´.
When he returns with his thoughts to the real world, he joins the mysogynists of the world and disrespects real women because they don´t devote their lives to please him and his egocentric, immature, narcissistic ego.
the bottom line is that HE JUST HATES SHOPPING FOR SHOES! 
Edited (6/15/2010) by catwoman
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| 452. |
16 Jun 2010 Wed 04:09 pm |
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An Scottish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls abeat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spotwelding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, hecould sell the private a new one. The private said, "Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back intwo hours with an answer."
Two hours later, The Scotsman returns and says:"The regiment has voted to replace."
Edited (6/16/2010) by thehandsom
[I thought Irish people were Scottish people who managed to cross the sea to Ireland]
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| 453. |
16 Jun 2010 Wed 07:18 pm |
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An Irish private walks into the pharmacy near his bases, pulls abeat-up, mutilated condom out of his pocket, and asks the pharmacist how much it would cost to repair the condom. The pharmacist replied that including replacing the band and spotwelding the holes, it would cost 26 pence, but that for 29 pence, hecould sell the private a new one. The private said, "Aye, that is a weighty decision, I shall be back intwo hours with an answer."
Two hours later, The Irishman returns and says:"The regiment has voted to replace."
Are you sure he wasn´t Scottish? 
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| 454. |
16 Jun 2010 Wed 08:32 pm |
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The Handsom, Gezegen, the Pope and Trudy were all in a plane together flying through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I´m the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I´m the world´s greatest procreator," proclaimed Gezegen. "This world needs great procreators, so I must live." Gezegen then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"Off Ya!! I´m the smartest and most well read member of Turkish Class," bragged The Handsom. "Turkey needs smart, well read, peace-loving men like me. I have so much work left to do, so I must also live!" The Handsom grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope turned to Trudy and said "I have lived a long life compared to you my child. Please, take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."
"Well that´s very kind of you," replied Trudy " but, please, be my guest and put on the parachute and jump. Don´t worry about me, I can take care of myself."
The Pope was very touched by Trudy´s brave and selfless act.
"My child, you seem very self assured, please tell me, how you are managing to keep so calm and be so brave in a situation such as this?" Asked the Pope.
"Sure," replied Trudy "I just watched Turkey´s smartest, well read, peace-loving man jump out of the plane and he was wearing my backpack.!"
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| 455. |
16 Jun 2010 Wed 08:49 pm |
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hahahah, thanks peacetrain for bringing humor back to this thread. 
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| 456. |
16 Jun 2010 Wed 09:38 pm |
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The Handsom, Gezegen, the Pope and Trudy were all in a plane together flying through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I´m the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I´m the world´s greatest procreator," proclaimed Gezegen. "This world needs great procreators, so I must live." Gezegen then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"Off Ya!! I´m the smartest and most well read member of Turkish Class," bragged The Handsom. "Turkey needs smart, well read, peace-loving men like me. I have so much work left to do, so I must also live!" The Handsom grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope turned to Trudy and said "I have lived a long life compared to you my child. Please, take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."
"Well that´s very kind of you," replied Trudy " but, please, be my guest and put on the parachute and jump. Don´t worry about me, I can take care of myself."
The Pope was very touched by Trudy´s brave and selfless act.
"My child, you seem very self assured, please tell me, how you are managing to keep so calm and be so brave in a situation such as this?" Asked the Pope.
"Sure," replied Trudy "I just watched Turkey´s smartest, well read, peace-loving man jump out of the plane and he was wearing my backpack.!"
Fusty, unfunny, humorless
So- called joke
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| 457. |
16 Jun 2010 Wed 10:38 pm |
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Fusty, unfunny, humorless
So- called joke
You took the words right out of my mouth:
http://www.noulakaz.net/weblog/images/20071128-geek.jpg
All that appears to be missing is the wine 
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| 458. |
16 Jun 2010 Wed 10:46 pm |
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| 459. |
18 Jun 2010 Fri 03:35 pm |
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The Handsom, Gezegen, the Pope and Trudy were all in a plane together flying through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. "There are only enough parachutes for four of the five of us," he announced. "Since I´m the pilot, I get one!" After saying this, the pilot grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
"I´m the world´s greatest procreator," proclaimed Gezegen. "This world needs great procreators, so I must live." Gezegen then grabbed a parachute and leaped out of the plane.
"Off Ya!! I´m the smartest and most well read member of Turkish Class," bragged The Handsom. "Turkey needs smart, well read, peace-loving men like me. I have so much work left to do, so I must also live!" The Handsom grabbed a parachute and jumped out of the plane.
At this point, the Pope turned to Trudy and said "I have lived a long life compared to you my child. Please, take the last parachute. I will go down with the plane."
"Well that´s very kind of you," replied Trudy " but, please, be my guest and put on the parachute and jump. Don´t worry about me, I can take care of myself."
The Pope was very touched by Trudy´s brave and selfless act.
"My child, you seem very self assured, please tell me, how you are managing to keep so calm and be so brave in a situation such as this?" Asked the Pope.
"Sure," replied Trudy "I just watched Turkey´s smartest, well read, peace-loving man jump out of the plane and he was wearing my backpack.!"
I would never ever in a million years think of gezegen, hansom, Trudy and the Pope being in the same plane. I like this one.
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| 460. |
19 Jun 2010 Sat 12:30 pm |
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I would never ever in a million years think of gezegen, hansom, Trudy and the Pope being in the same plane. I like this one.
Trudy was vital. . . she is the only member I felt certain would possess a backpack.
The Pope . . . well I wanted a religious figure from TC, but I think Lemon may have ruined the punchline . . . she may have pushed all the "sinners" from the plane.
Edited (6/19/2010) by peacetrain
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