As you know, I am all to well aware of the situation with this. I can tell you this, the wait can become lengthy if you agree to keep waiting on talks with his father, It just may never even happen that he has the strength to have a conversation with his father.

You need to set a time limit on how long you will wait and stick to it. I have to wonder though with him having talks with other girls and things if it´s even worth a short wait.

I do wish you the best, but urge you to not waste a good chunk of your life in this, you are young and even though 28 years old makes you an adult, they still see him as "their son" and might not be willing to accept that he is able to make his own decisions. Don´t be a "me".

Thanks.  You are right.  I gave him time limit.  When I was there, he adamently said there is no other woman, and I know from his actions and eyes, he is telling the truth.  This is very difficult for him too, as he has never had to face a life changing experience, and have his family interfering.

I am trying to honor his request to give patience.  So only some time more will tell.

He is very upset about this, and I know he is sincere.  I just wish and pray that parents would not do this to kids.  I do not have any answers.

Have a good day.

 ohh yes this is right if he drinks, it means that he´s ready for anything else and loves you till the end.. it´s just a matter of fun of course...

TRADITIONS:

Unfortunately, Eren ended it with me last night due to his father.  Eren is not able to stand up to his father, and he had no choice but to tell me how much he is crying, how much he loves me, and hurt that he can not be with me.  He says if i had stayed there in Turkey with him, then he would have been able to take me to his father and convenence him.  i had to leave.  I could not bear the thought that if I stayed there, that Eren would suffer because of me.  i thought leaving was the best thing to do.

I am in so heartbroken, Eren wants me to not forget him and give him time to let his father forget about me.  Eren is to weak to deal with a controlly, and physically abusive man, that does not see his son as adult.  That is the Turkish culture though.  Respect your father, and get permission to marry since it is a life changing experience.   

There is no way i will forget him, but I do not want to go weeks and months with only chatting with him via msn and knowing he is not going to bring me back to be together.

I know now, this is so difficult for us, and  only pray we can get through it.  I hate this so much. How can a father do this to his son. take his happiness away.

Mary

Well Mary this sounds like a classic example of culture differences.  I know parents are protective and only want the best for eachother, but you do have to live your life for you.  It´s even harder when two people are in different countries, I´m sure he has fear of leaving Turkey as you have fear leaving your country and family.

But love knows no boundaries and when two people are meant to be together they will.  I think he will one day regret not standing up to his father.  But I would say to you, there are plenty of fishes in the sea and you should move on.  Go on with your life and if he still communicates with you, then fine you decide if you want to keep up the communication.  But don´t linger around in hopes that he will stand up to his father.  Time is so short, so don´t do like many girls do and get false hope.

Look towards your future and make the most of it with him or without him.

Good Luck..

 İm sorry tea,but i cant agree with most of that...maybe the main idea i can agree with,but other than that...im afraid NO.

Culture differences here can be seen in the ways,not in the results,meaning...

Parents approval is very important..VERY much important too,and one should NOT take such an important decision without their approval

Marriage is not just 2 persons fall in love and be together,is 2 families,2 situations...ect

BUT....and here is a very HUGE BUT....

That does NOT mean,he or anyone just wait and marry the one his family is picking for him especially if he loves someone already !

Maybe its ok,if he dont has already one in his life,so they interduce him to someone,he meets,talks,likes,then want to marry her

İn that case it maybe acceptable,but other !

Parents know better,and they always think they know better,maybe thats true in some stiuations,but in this one,marriage,he also should know the better for himself

İm sorry mnemr ,i maybe harsh some what in my opinion,but i come from similar culture which tea is talking about,and i know it when its a culture differences or just a personal weakness !

Cultural differences says...he MUST take his parents approval,he feels it even inside himself,he wont accept his marriage untill they gave him their approval

Personal weakness,when he just gave up simply because they didnt approve !

His parents ´father´ will always see him as his little son,who need his protection...thats right,thats all fathers do..BUT also,his father sees him as a MAN,his boy who became a man and can depend on himself...

So,sooner or later,if he really see,and feels that is what his son wants,he will agree,he will accept

He wont gave up easily and says ´im crying,im devastated,my dad didnt approve! ´

Man give up only for one reason ´decent man´ when the girl says,stay back ,i dont want you anymore !

All parents try to control their sons/daughter,his father is not one in a million,but they succeed only if sons/daughters let them.

They try to do it for the best as they see,sons/daughter job is to make them see what is REALLY the best for them.

And here again is the cultural differences,we try to take their approval over our choices...but we DO make those choices

Who doesnt,has only him/herself to blame.

So dear mnemr,if he couldnt fight for you,and get you NOW....then you better off without him NOW and LATER !

İts long life,its not just about getting together...how about later ?!

I think both Teas and Canli have good points .  I understand what you´re saying Canli , that a man is not worth waiting for if he isn´t prepared to fight but in this case I think Teas has a point about the possible future.  I say this because, as I read the story, I understood the circumstances to be that the man´s father is violent and stops his son even from leaving the house. 

I also understand what you say about the culture and the command parents have but, unfortunately parents aren´t always right or well meaning.  Who know if these two people are right for each other but it´s a shame they didn´t get the chance to find out.  It´s a pity there wasn´t a meeting but that´s in the past now. 

I can understand the parents´ fears and also the needs of the couple.  I think traditions are changing slowly but surely in Turkey and it is hard for all the generations to cope with and perhaps  these tug of love situations will become more common. 

Just some thoughts on the situation.

  İm sry PC,but no one can stop a GİRL from leaving the house if she wants to,even in our cultural too

For God´s sake the man is 28 yrs old !

İm sry,but i find it a bit hard for me to understand !

 Thats exactly what im NOT saying...its not a matter of cultural,the cultural part is,we  must,should,try have parents approval...but personal choices is,we make our choices...

İf you noticed,i said,must...then should...then try..

Meaning,if a man wants to marry a girl,and his father doesnt approve ´usually her father is the one who doesnt approve in similar stiuations not the other way around ! ´

Never the less,so the man tries by EVERY mean to convince his father,try to get all the family to be on his side,speak to the elders of the family,uncles,grandparents,aunts,mother,sisters,brothers....ect

Really by EVERY mean...then if it didnt work,and the man REALLY think that is the better for him to marry that girl,then he get along with his choice,and marry that girl,and always try to make his father forgive him because he didnt follow his orders even if it took a life time ´cultural thing here ´

Thats the last step,but thats how things works

Surely there are some men,who gave up on it...

Thats what i meant,if he didnt get her now,so she is better off without him now and later.

İ know its hard,im sorry for that,i wish you all the best mnemr, you did nothing wrong,if he will get you,and manage to be with you,he will do it,even that you have left...and you can always come back to Türkiye when needed.

My two pennies

Sorry Canli, I didn´t read your post carefully enough about the culture issue.  I understand what you are saying and you have a point.

About his age . . .  I don´t think we know enough about his home circumstances to judge him for not making his own mind up.  If he is living with violence, it may not be that easy.  There are many adults all over the world living with domestic violence, children, women and men and it can take many years to gather the courage to escape.

Perhaps I´m being too soft

I am a bit perplexed about what you are trying to say to be honest canli.

you are saying that ´Parents approval is very important..VERY much important too,and one should NOT take such an important decision without their approval. Marriage is not just 2 persons fall in love and be together,is 2 families,2 situations...ect´

what is a marriage got to do with 2 families?

why parents´ approval is so important that one should not take that important decision without their approval?

Well, for the sake of respect, you tell them that you found your love and will get married but you are talking in a way that their approval is a must. And it is part of ´our precious tradition´.

Your parents will not live with your husband but you will..

That man is an example of a typical man raised up ´without a character´ because of his parents´ traditional values, which in Turkey we are trying to get rid of.

And I am sure you know very well that "we must,should,try have parents approval...but personal choices is,we make our choices" is not that easy..They will do anything from refusing you as a daughter to emotional blackmail.

When you put ´we must´ into that sentance you have no choice..

This is a cultural part which played a huge role in that guy´s life and the entire  thread is about cultural differences..

İ agree with CANLİ.Man should be MAN in situation like this (in age close to 30 when i think is the right time for creating a family and live his own, adult life).Maybe just this guy is not right one - as it is to hard to make his own decissions and be in charge about his and other persons life.İt is much easier to give up and put the blame on something or someone else.Wanting is in 1st place and the rest is just obstacles with what he should fight.İf love is REAL-- only thing what can stop lovers is rejecting from beloved.İf woman is ready to sacrifise all her life and leave everything behind in the name of love (even more - she feels guilty about spliting family,but her beloved didnt say anything about her family and their reactions), he should do the same.İ am so sorry again that life is not always giving everything so easy.But maybe it is better, who knows...i wish the best and still believe that everyhting what happens is just next step forward to something much better...