If you have sex, you should marry? Isn´t that a bit an oldfashioned idea? OMG, suddenly I realise that then I won´t have sex anymore the rest of my life because I absolutely do NOT want to marry!

i am so sorry that you will not be able to have sex anymore of course not - but from all posts - it is conclusion and solution for broken hearts...

I dont think you should be sorry for her as she has already decided to be a nun!!

Good for her and good for the rest of the men population.

Only loser seems to be here is Heinz as she wont need to buy any more vinegar from them.

 For you I´ll make an exception: I will keep buying vinegar.

Awww...Thank you..

I knew I was special for you..

Ok everyone, I am sorry I made such a huge discussion here.  Sorry that other people were getting upset.  I thank everyone who shared their opinions and concerns, and greatly appreciate it.

I am going to move on.  I will not wait to see if there is communication from Eren.  I can see he is not the one for me, dispite that we were physically together for 6 months.  He is not going to be able to stand up to his father, so that proves to me that I will never become his wife.  

I have suffered enough tears and heartbreak for 3 weeks now, and really, I do not want anyone if i can not have Eren, but i will not be weak and let his father see me down.

Just hope no one has to go through this like I did.  And I wish things would have turned out differently.

Take care all.  There is no need for me to be a member of this forum any longer.

hmmm... i don´t think the discussions are upsetting anyone... it´s just a very interesting topic to discuss.

as for you, i´m sure you can move on. it won´t be easy but i´m sure you can that doesn´t mean you have to stop using this site though. how about the friends you made here? still it´s your choice

Mary, you didn´t cause a huge discussion, this is quite normal here. Don´t think you did anything wrong. And why should you leave? You can stay for other reasons than Eren. Think about that please. I wish you strength and good luck in the future.

I can see the angle from which you are coming from Canli. Somehow, you don´t want to say anything to your traditional values.
First of all the definition of the traditions:
"The elements of a culture passed down from generation to generation, originally without the need for a writing system. often orally."
I am sure you would agree with the definition.
But you also have to realize that most of the traditions were invented for one reason or another, often to highlight or enhance the importance of a certain situation. AND THEY CHANGE.
Lets take this tradition of letting elders make the decisions for their children.
A few generations ago obtaining the knowledge was more difficult than today as they did not have easy access to written material or they did not have tvs or radios or Internet. The knowledge was passed orally by the knowledgeable elders as they lived more than the youngsters. it makes sense for its time..
But, is it the same today? a 17 years old kids almost has more knowledge than my grandmother because of the information they have access.
So the question comes then why do you need the approval of your elders? It did make sense generations ago..But what about today?
I will deny that my grandmother or my mother or my father has more knowledge than me. (same thing will happen to me..My children will have more knowledge than I have..That is the rule of the nature).
Why do I need their approval from my parents for my marriage? (I did not ask their permission btw. I just said that ´it is my decision´ as far as my marriage is concerned)
Basically, what I am trying to say is this..
Most of the traditions were invented for a reason. When that reason goes away, the tradition got to go as well eventually.
So don´t stick to the traditions as if they are the ultimate way of living rules..

The only rule which does not change is the rule that ´everything changes´. If you need to stick to a rule, stick to that one.

Some philosophy here a little bit
According to Nietzsche "sorrow and loss which is linked to trying to keep tradition can be avoided. It is weak to claim that your imagination is the only truth. That could get you destroyed. A strong person is someone who is ready to change in order to avoid self-destruction."

There are good/harmless traditions, bad traditions and ugly traditions. (Honor killing a tradition for the example of ugly ones.)
As far as that poor Eren (mnmer´s bf) is concerned, He is the product of a ´traditional upbringing´. I am sure from the early age, they made all decisions for him and told him the virtues of ´listening/respecting to elders´ and told him that ´he will be a bad boy if he does not listen to their advice´.
The result? a young man without a character. Phew!! (He is not a rare person btw..There are many like him)

 Well,then where i came from some how we managed to make our own decisions,have our own choices as we want,and worked this out with our traditions too,accourding to you,then its something you need to do it where you come from

Btw,those 4 cases i was refering to at my above post about the girls,are in my family,so i guess yes,we do have more than just a saying to our traditions !

Handsom,have you REALLY read what you just typed ?! 

Do you know how many men,families,...ect follow traditions back in Türkiye

Do you understand what you are saying ?!

Actually,i find myself dont agree with that,i know many Turks who are capable of making their own choices and make their families/parents agree with them too

Even they follow traditions too,but that didnt stop them!

And about why when you are going to raise a family,family support is important...you can search that,and will get many researches from the West,not from our old traditional points of view !

Ps: needless to say you is generally speaking

I am not so sure if you really believe in your heart what you are saying..

You, a person saying that your parents approval is a must, telling me a character that her decision making is even done according to approval of your family..

Think about it..Even when you were thinking to make a decision about your husband, it is more likely that the first thing you have thought that how your family will like him or not.

If they said ´no way´ I wonder what you would do?

I am not an expert in your culture but it is better if we dont try to show everythin as a rose garden here.

Many of the girls and boys sticking with traditional values, end up doing what their parents want them to do and optimistically believe that it was their choice.

I know what I typed there. Dont worry..I will defend everything up there if you come up with a credible critisisim

I am Turkish..Are you telling me that I dont know my own country and its traditions?

yes to that question too..I do UNDERSTAND what I am saying..I wrote it in the first place.

and what is wrong there according to you?

.

I am raising a family here Canli.

Look, even traditional values you grew up with made you think that your values are the only way to raise a proper family!!you can not comprehend that they might have been wrong..or there might have been a better way..

This is sad..