I am not so sure if you really believe in your heart what you are saying..

You, a person saying that your parents approval is a must, telling me a character that her decision making is even done according to approval of your family..

Think about it..Even when you were thinking to make a decision about your husband, it is more likely that the first thing you have thought that how your family will like him or not.

If they said ´no way´ I wonder what you would do?

I am not an expert in your culture but it is better if we dont try to show everythin as a rose garden here.

Many of the girls and boys sticking with traditional values, end up doing what their parents want them to do and optimistically believe that it was their choice.

I know what I typed there. Dont worry..I will defend everything up there if you come up with a credible critisisim

I am Turkish..Are you telling me that I dont know my own country and its traditions?

yes to that question too..I do UNDERSTAND what I am saying..I wrote it in the first place.

and what is wrong there according to you?

.

I am raising a family here Canli.

Look, even traditional values you grew up with made you think that your values are the only way to raise a proper family!!you can not comprehend that they might have been wrong..or there might have been a better way..

This is sad..

İ said must,should,try

Meaning....must,is the first thing im thinking of,it wont take much thinking to know,when im marrying the one i want and when my family are accepting it,it will make ME more happy

Then,if they dont like him/her...then i should have their approval ´meaning keep trying to have it till i persuade them ´ then i get married

Then if they still dont approve,and i REALLY believe he is the right one for me despite that,then i marry him...and keep trying to have their approval even afterward

And thats when i refered to the 4 cases and i explained about them...thats actually happed not theoretically speaking !

Well,actually no,but what you are saying,that ´im sorry but thats what it means´ Turkish men are weak and they cant make their own decisions because most of the Turks do follow traditions !

You are Turk,but it doesnt mean you know all Turk also,as i edited in my post,i do know many who follow traditions,and also have their parents approvals ´blessings´ on their doings not just for marriage issue.

Actually handsom,its not my traditions,its readings in other societies stiuations.

İn the 60th they were supporting the ideas that ´ we dont need anyone except ourselves,we dont need our families no more....ect´ 

But later,they start to support and increase the family values,and how important it is ,and how familes should stick together

And that happened because of many social diseases.

So its not something me nor my cultural responsible about.

İf you read my previous posts,you would see that i said,not every tradition is good and not every tradition is bad

But we cant just throw traditions just because they are traditions,and i also said,you wont be able to maintain them back

We can see other people´s experiences and start from there,we dont need to start from where they started,we can be more smarter than this.

So, actually you both agree Neither of you would be put off marrying someone that your family doesn´t accept. I agree that parents´ consent is a good thing to have but it´s not a key factor. Also, I think that wise parents never give the "either us or him/her" ultimatum. If they do perhaps it´s best to rethink your relationship with your parents. That of course doesn´t mean parents cannot have a say about your relationship. My grandma had a cunning way with my mom who had a boyfriend far from where she lived (about 600km). Fearing that my mom will marry that guy and move to the seaside, my grandma offered her a ...tv for breaking up with him It can´t have been true love as my dad is from a place only 60km from my mom´s home Apparently bribery worked in this case

I lived in Turkey for five years. In fact my wife is Turkish. I saw lots of things there--regarding romance, I would urge any girl to be careful. I have seen and heard of girls giving money for cafe´s and business. They never got married and they never saw the boyfriend again.

It seems to work well when a foreign guy marries a Turkish girl. But foreign girl and turkish boy relationships seem dogged with problems.

For your own sake, do not part with any money. I don´t mean to be harsh, but I feel you will lose it all.

 That´s interesting advise.. Thanks for sharing your experience.

This question isnt about marriage but the thread is called traditions, so i was wondering if it is a tradtion that when somebody dies, they put thyre shoes outside the door???Dont laugh ut i saw it on tv!!!!!

 Well said

 why would not pair Turkish guy-foreign girl work well?

Because of all the prejudices that many Turkish men have against women .  While a man is fairly indepenent and can pretty much do the same as a European man, women (in rural areas) still live in very traditional roles, so therefore there are bigger differences between them and European women.

He will probably marry you for money (with maybe a bit of love!) but when the gloss rubs off would resent you if you were not a virgin when you married, would miss all the traditional things that other Turkish wives do for their husbands (cooking Turkish food, cleaning, childcare etc.), and sometimes merely for your lack of "Turkishness"! However, the biggest difficulty would probably be his jealousy.

I guess you stand a better chance of it working if he is from Istanbul or maybe Ankara and is has a good job and is financially secure.

Speaking from my own personal experience, I absolutely agree with this statement. 

 Thank you for the answer! As you may understand I m not Turkish. though it would be the same in my country as well. I think rural areas are pretty much the same everywhere. Two different cultures - City and Village. Nothing offensive in my words, though. I spent almost all my childhood in rural area and know how it is there. Thus, i think it is not the case.

Is there anything else? I mean smth more specific, absolutely Turksh

I´ve heard about Turkish Jealosy .... but maybe it inheres to all Southern people and nations somehow or other, doesn´t it?

You mentioned "Turkishness"... What is it like? I recognize foreighners in  my country by clothes, type of faces (though, i came to conclusion that there identical types of faces in all nations, countries, continents, and possessors of the same type all over the world have analogous characters) and smiles. What do you put into definition?