Login:   Pass:     Register - Forgot Password - Resend Activation

Merih 17 Dec 2009


Does one rule apply to all?

Herkese merhabalar. 


I know it has been a long time since I added my last column, but every time I add one, I promise myself I will start being regular.  But then everytime, when I finish what I have to say, I start worrying about the next subject I have to write. 


This time, I have a lot to say, about being a mum of 3 kids, about being a stay at home - full time mum, about being a Turk, and about religion.  I will add one column for every one of them.


Since I moved overseas, I don´t have many Turkish friends.  It is just that I don´t have the time to investigate if any Turks are living around.  Sometimes, I confess, well, most of the times, I avoid it too.  It feels like too artificial.  The people are not bad, but I just don´t want to belong to a group that only thinks in one direction. (I think I will duck now... lol)


I grew up in a very patriotic family, both of my grandfathers were high rank army officers, my uncle and my brother are doctors at the Turkish Army.  All my family are strict followers of Ataturk and believe in secularism.  I went to a nice private school, then uni. I was one of them too. 


Then I met my prince charming, a foreigner, who recently graduated from a Turkish University. At the time, he was working in the same office as I was.  I started seeing things from his perspective too.  How everytime he went for the residence visa, he was kept waiting for long hours, mistreated, discriminated.  I also realised how our society has changed, distanced itself from traditions and religion.  It really disturbed me, which direction we were going to?


1 year after I got married, I fell pregnant with my first child and I stopped working.  Mind you, I was 25 years old. While my friends were happily building their career, I was at home, with my first baby.  Everyone, including my mum, commented on my being a mum so early and staying at home - no offends - but like an uneducated village woman -.  I was still firm as I believed what I did was right, to be by my daughter´s side when she was growing up.  When somebody asked me if I was working, I was saying "I am not working".  This is such an expression that makes you feel worthless.  It was outrageous when I fell pregnant for the second time after 1 year... And I can´t tell how it felt - and sometimes still feel when I am with my Turkish friends - when the 3rd one came after 3 years.  Everybody was speechless.  What was I doing with my life???


But then I learned the answer.  When we moved to Australia, I had to fill in a form.  There was the same question I avoided, which made me feel worthless.  Occupancy!!  There were the boxes below where you have to choose from, and there was the answer too.

Full time mum!!


That was it.  I got my answer.  I was not worthless, in fact I was doing the most amazing job, where you work for 24/7, no holidays, no sick days, didn´t really pay well, but you get to witness the miracle of your kids growing up, learning to read, and write, and express themselves.  I got comments from some of the working mums about how lucky I was to be there, by my kids, and watch them as they grow up.  I felt very valuable, I felt appreciated.  I knew what I did was right.


When we moved to Dubai, it was not hard to blend in.  Though every now and then I will get a comment on how many kids I have and that I am not working,  I just don´t care about it anymore.


The problem still comes up when I meet my Turkish friends (just a few).  Though I like them and enjoy spending time with them, I feel sometimes that they look down on me, like I am an uneducated woman, unaware of family planning.  They just don´t understand the fact that this is not a consequence of my ignorance, this is my own conscious choice. 


It hurts me most when I see my native countrymen judging me harshly, but like I said, I try to avoid most.



This column was read by 3442 unique visitors

View all columns by Merih
All Turkish Class columnists

Comments (11)

Turkish Dictionary
Turkish Chat
Open mini chat
New in Forums
TLC servers hacked, all user emails & pass...
admin: We removed the user password data from the servers until the issue is ...
E-T: It´s one of the things on my bu...
gokuyum: No. It doesnt make sense. You can say ... yapmak istediğim bi...
og2009: DÜNYA TOPLUMU VE FELSEFE ... okul ... felsefe ... ....
Holidays in Turkey
: ...
24 HOUR FLASH SALE for learning Turkish e-...
qdemir: ...
Grammar Textbook
qdemir: ...
E-T: I see you have done this before?
harp00n: Bunu ... daha önce de ... Bu konuda iyi olduğun ç...
og2009: ...
og2009: ...
og2009: ...
og2009: ...
harp00n: ...
Random Pictures of Turkey
Add thumbnails like this to your site
Most commented