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A funny article -- or not depending on how you see it
1.       si++
3785 posts
 16 Sep 2011 Fri 05:17 pm

Dear Arab brothers: Yes, you may borrow our prime minister!

After all, we are brothers! Our prime minister is your prime minister. So, please do not hesitate to borrow him – and please do not feel obliged to return him any time soon. After all, Muslims are never greedy and know well to share their jewels.

I know you have been longing for a Gamal Abdel Nasser 2.0. I know it’s been four unlucky decades. But luckily, here is a better one: Our prime minister is even “more Muslim” than the late Mr. Nasser. He may not be an Arab, but he is trying so hard to be one.

And the good news is that we have a special offer for you, brothers: If you borrow our prime minister, we’ll lend you our foreign minister too – and that special offer is only for you! I know, that’s what brothers are for.

We, your Turkish brothers, perfectly understand the humiliation and collective trauma you may have suffered from the years 1948–49, 1956, 1967, 1973–74, and 1982. But here is a new Saladin Ayyubi who promises you the lands you wholeheartedly believe are yours. The lands for which you are prepared to kill – and die.

Here is a powerful leader who promises not only to run the Palestinian flag up over the UN building but also to liberate al-Quds. He will not only push Israel into the pre-1967 borders, but also to its pre-1948 borders, Inshallah!

Ironically, the holy task of uniting the Arab world (or putting together a new anti-Israeli front) may have fallen to a non-Arab leader, but try to be pragmatic. In the first place, you have failed to produce an Arab leader as charismatic and Arab-loving as our prime minister. And besides, what’s the point of objecting to a Turkish caliph since you lived under the rule of several of them for over four centuries in the past?

Moreover, this Turkish leader whom you so dearly adore will take your countries into the European Union, precisely like he has taken ours. He will give you state-of-the-art war toys including fighter jets, aircraft carriers, helicopters, modern tanks, frigates and spaceships, all made in Turkey, and more than just good to fight the holy enemy! And one day, who knows, perhaps a nuclear bomb! Are we not as good as our Shia brothers?

Dear Egyptian brothers! I know you feel nervous because our prime minister, visiting you capital, pledged to launch a high-level strategic cooperation council between our two brotherly countries, like he had done a few years earlier with our Syrian brothers.

He has also vowed to increase our bilateral trade by more than three-fold, like he had done with our Syrian brothers. I know past experiences show that these are not good signs, but they should in no way scare you. Remember, one day we’ll pray all together at al-Aqsa mosque in the Palestinian capital al-Quds!

All the same, I have learned with deep regret that some irresponsible leaders of your Muslim Brotherhood/Freedom and Justice Party have been gossiping to infidels about our prime minister and our country.

For example, a certain brother Mahmoud Ghazlan has said that Turkey violates the Shariah because it does not punish adulterers. That shame is not our prime minister’s fault at all! A few years earlier he wanted to pass a law that illegalizes adultery but infidel Turks prevented that. And it was very unbrotherly of brother Ghazlan to say that “it’s not allowed for any non-Egyptian to interfere in our constitution.”

Also, a certain brother Essam al-Erian spoke to a Christian news agency, saying that our prime minister and Turkey could not assume a leader’s role in shaping our region.

Now, what kind of brothers are they? One suspects a Zionist conspiracy here, but never mind… Brothers Ghazlan and al-Erian should have carefully listened to our prime minister when he said that Turkey may be a secular country, but he, as an individual, is not secular. So, give him credit.

Dear Arab brothers! You have yearned for a Nasser, and God has given you an Ottoman sultan. Enjoy him.

Peace be upon you…

 

Source: here

2.       si++
3785 posts
 23 Nov 2011 Wed 02:20 pm

A follow-up article from: here

 

Dear Greek brothers: You, too, may borrow our prime minister!

A couple of days after I wrote the column “Dear Arab brothers: Yes, you may borrow our prime minister!” (Sept. 15, 2011), an Arab columnist volunteered to accept the offer. Sadly, no Arab country has yet formally applied, probably because no one has yet dared do so since Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdoğan is in so much demand globally. Most recently, Mr. Erdoğan’s charismatic picture appeared on Time magazine’s cover page, with the title: “Erdoğan’s Way;” a better title could have been “Erdoğan’s way, or the highway.”

It’s not just the Americans that have recently rediscovered Mr. Erdoğan’s political virtues – although there is probably a missing link between the role model he will presumably play for the future generations of Arab politicians and the historic fact that Turks usually don’t play any role model for Arabs (or Persians). But that rediscovery will probably be replaced by another rediscovery; this time, Mr. Erdoğan’s neo-Ottoman-self when the unpredictable zigzagging called Turkish foreign policy soon begins to feature a non-Western posture.

But now we have the Greeks queuing up! A reader (Greek or not) recently posted on an article in these pages, concisely encapsulating the desire for a new savior: “Today Greece needs a decisive Erdoğan…!” (Greece’s mission impossible by Nikos Konstandaras, Hürriyet Daily News, Nov. 17, 2011).

Like everyone else living in this part of the world, I am aware of the “situation in Greece,” to put it mildly. But, dear Greek brothers, are you sure???!!! We, your neighbors across the most beautiful sea in the world, would certainly make every sacrifice to help you overcome the crisis with a decisive leader. But, again, are you sure?

First, you must be prepared to pay 20 euros instead of 6-7 euros for a karafaki of ouzo at an ouzeri, and make ends meet with a generous minimum wage of 260 euros a month, or the equivalent of 23 karafakia of ouzo. Speaking of ouzeria, be prepared, also, to have your outdoor tables removed since drinking outside may disturb non-drinkers. And remember to save 1.68 euros per liter of gasoline in case you need to drive to the coast.

Needless to say, a decisive leader like Mr. Erdoğan will save you from the unpleasant labor of perpetually going on strikes since public workers won’t have a right to do so. And the anarchist in you must be put to sleep for your best interests if you don’t wish to be labeled as a “dissident” and be put in jail only to wait there for over 1,000 days for your first court hearing. Student protestors must especially give up this unnecessary habit if they do not wish to be beaten and jailed, waiting for 19 months to stand trial. In particular, try not to demand free education, which may cost you a detention of 19 months plus your enrollment at university. Even carrying eggs in pockets may earn you a fancy visit to the nearest police station where you can be subjected to various terms of endearment, and treated like a terrorist caught with a Kalashnikov.

An Erdoğan for Greece is not the best of news for Greek colleagues, assuming they wouldn’t choose to be jailed for books that haven’t even been published yet or to meet with a source when that source may be on the government’s witch-hunt list.

But Mr. Erdoğan may be wonderful news for Greek women who would prefer to be housewives giving birth to at least three children. But watch out for any amorous adventures since the decisive Mr. Erdoğan thinks adultery must be punished with a prison sentence.

I am particularly worried about the lovely people of the island of Ikaria who are widely known for their sweet (OK, not always so sweet), laid-back attitude, thinking about the recent decision by one of Mr. Erdogan’s many watchdog committees to ban the publication of a humor magazine on the grounds that “it encouraged laziness.”

But remember, dear Greek brothers, the special offer I made in my Sept. 15 article is still valid: If you take Mr. Erdogan, we’ll give Foreign Minister Ahmet Davutoğlu for free!

Enjoy your new savior, and may peace be upon you!

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