Thank you very very very much.

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I know I am always saying I am sorry. Its crazy of me to always ask you for forgiveness. Then I always push you away when you try to be understanding.

What I have been doing these last weeks to you has been unforgivable, I know. I have always known that we needed to keep our relationship secret- yet I have been behaving in such a way that it is a total embarrassment to you, and that is totally unfair. I need to listen to you and really understand your circumstances like you understand mine.

I realize that you do love me, why else would you have stayed with me, you were always telling the truth and I didn’t believe it. I have already hurt you so much. I have been looking at our situation and tried to imagine the roles reversed and how would I feel if I were you and it terrifies me. Here you are trying to keep your life on track and all I do instead of supporting you, make things worse and give you more heartache and problems.

I am always saying to you that I am no good, but if that were so you would never have been with me. We both don’t know where we are going in our chaotic lives, we both have so many problems, yet I just keep making more. I wish I had seen the truth earlier. These last few weeks I have been acting totally unlike myself, drinking and behaving foolishly. I don’t know why, maybe because of the loss of the baby, maybe because I am so scared of my feelings for you, I really don’t know. With anza’s pregnancy I have been so worried, she has also been drinking a lot to try and block out the stress, but once the alcohol has worn off we have more problems. I have never been a person to drink, actually despise it, but lately have been doing it. But I will promise you and tell you with all certainty that I will never let myself be degraded again by drinking. The reason is that I am hurting the people I love and cherish the most, you most of all, and anza my best friend and sister, and dear mutlu also my best friend and brother. I know why you are hurt and cross. People know we are seeing each other and then I act like a in a most low class manner, when in public with you, God knows how sorry I am as there is nothing worse than that. One thing I admire about you, and your culture is pride. I can maybe never undo the mbarressment and shame I have inflicted apon you, but I want a chance to make it up to you.

I want our last time together, however long it is, to be special, and when we part ways I want us to remain best friends. Never to forget each other. I want you to walk away from our time together one day, and have good memorys. I know why Zafer is like he is when it comes to me. He really is a good friend. He told me he didn’t want you to be involved with people that would make you unhappy and be bad influences, yet here I have shown him that I am also bad, by my behavior, I wish he could know the real me. I respect him very much and admire his loyalty to your friendship. A friend like Zafer is more worth than anything money could ever buy. I am just saying things how I see them. I know you would be better off free. BUT you deserve to be loved and my love is yours. Everyone that cares for you can see the hurt and pain I have put you through, I just want one chance to make it up to you.

All I have ever wanted was one night a week, when I have you all to myself. I don’t want everyone to know we are together because I know it would make great problems for you and your family would be disappointed. I want to be myself again and a chance to show you how much I care, instead of putting you on a rollercoaster ride with my moods. I know you are not a man of many words, but what you do say and have said to me in the past really mean something and I will cherish these memorys forever. I know you are young and I don’t want to tie you down in any way. I just want a chance to love you totally and completely. I love you just the way you are. I love everything about you. You are the most wonderful guy I have ever known and I don’t want to loose you just yet.

I know you say you are leaving, but please while you are here can we give this another chance. I will not disappoint you again. You are an angel to me and with you I have known true happiness

Sürekli özür dilediğimin farkındayım. Senden hep af dilemek benim çılgınlığım. Sonra da, sen anlayışlı olmaya çalıştığında, seni kendimden uzaklaştırıyorum.

Şu son haftalarda sana yaptıklarım affedilir türden şeyler değil, biliyorum. İlişkimizi gizli tutmamız gerektiğini hep biliyordum - ama bunu senin için toptan bir utanç kaynağı haline getirecek şekilde davrandım, ve bu hiç de adil değil. Seni dinlemeye ve senin durumunu anlamaya ihtiyacım var - tıpkı senin benim durumumu anladığın gibi.

Beni gerçekten sevdiğini farkediyorum, yoksa neden benimle kalacaktın ki? Sen hep doğruyu söylüyordun, ama ben inanmıyordum. Seni çok kırdım. Hâlimize baktım ve rollerimizi değiş tokuş ettiğimizi hayal etmeye çalıştım. Kendimi senin yerine koydum, ve bu beni dehşete düşÃ¼rdü. Sen burada hayatını rayına oturtmaya çalışıyorsun ve benim tek yaptığım, sana destek olmak yerine, işleri daha da kötü hale getirmek ve sana daha fazla acı ve sorun yaratmak.


*** For I have limited time at the moment, I can't complete the translation, but I will try to make it tonight.***

Thank you.....i know it is very long........i really appreciate your time. you are an angel....