Aman tanrim...
This was really horrible story. I've also heard about such men,but I know not only Turkish men behave like that.It happens all over the world...
Again, read Lyndie's essay about Tourist industry in Turkey, maybe it will help you to understand why so many Turks in touristic places behave in that way.

some turkish ppl believe that every tourist is rich..
according to tjem, what u take from tourist is a benefit..
so be carefully..
and about hitting, may dad never hit my mum.. he is muslim too.. it changes culturel ebvironment and what to understand from being muslim..it depends on being human, to care your wife etc etc..

Hi Dusk,

I'm pleased to hear it is against the grain hitting a woman and your father respected your mother.

It is nice to hear first hand coming from a Turkish man.

i have some experience of the possessiveness of Turkish guys. I have a very close friend, NOT a boyfriend. When he is alone with me outside, he is very very possessive and jealous. For example. I went to stay with him in the summer for a few days. He was working in a hotel. I told him that I would stay in the town by myself while he was working. He took me to the beach and put me on a sunbed. he then wanted me to give him my money and credit card and phone and camera, because he said I wasn't 'safe' to have it all alone. I refused (obviously) because i'm a girl who loves to shop! and I said I needed my camera for photographs and my phone in case I needed him (he agreed to this) but he got really distressed that i would be alone all day with all my money and credit card and camera. Anyway, He settled me on the sunbed and said he would send someone to 'look after' me.

After 5 minutes i got bored and went off walking. He was phoning me within minutes...'where are you? I sent my friend to look after you and you weren't there - are you alright, what are you doing, who is talking to you blah blah blah'

On the bus when i was going to his town, I met 2 boy students, they were going the same say as me and they said they would help me. I was alone and was worried about not being able to speak turkish, the bus trip was 9 hours and I was a little worried about some small things. Whilst I was talking to them my friend phoned me to find out when i would arrive at his town. i said I had made 2 friends who would look after me on the bus - he demanded to speak to them. There was a long discussion between my friend and the 2 boys and when they finished he told me that they were going to 'guard' me on the bus and that he had 'thanked them' - They took the job very seriously, and when another man started talking to me they were constantly asking me if i was alright - this man eventually touched my hand, the 2 boys went mad and shouted at him (in turkish) and the man never spoke to me again. When I arrived at my destination and told my friend, he also went mad and his mother told me later that he wanted to find the man (who was quite well known in the small town) and beat him.

Each day, when it was time for me to go back home to his home, he would call me on my phone and tell me I had to come back because his mother was waiting for me. He didn't finish work for several hours after this so I had to go home on the bus by myself. He would wait with me for the bus, make sure i had enough small money for the fare, and his mother would be waiting for me when I got off the bus at the other end of the journey. It was planned like a mmilitary operation, he even used to give the bus driver instructions when I got on the bus. God knows what he used to say to him!

another time, we were sitting outside a bar - I wanted to go inside to the 'tuvalet' - he wanted to take me and when i said 'no' he got quite upset. When I did go inside, i was 'checked out' by some men sitting by the door. He noticed this and was fuming. He was glaring at the men for the rest of the time. Now! to my point (finally) - he calls this 'protecting' me. In small doses it is quite seductive, because he does make me feel like a precious princess. BUT - i am a modern, independent European woman and I'm not even his gf. What would he be like if I were? Also being treated like a precious princess is alright in small doses, but it started to feel like oppression to me after only a couple of days.

He would not understand the meaning of oppression in this context - but it would be a real problem for some women I think.

Anyway, I love him lots and I put up with his strange ways. he is coming to live with us soon for 1 year and he is going to have to change when he is in england or he'll end up in jail!

It does all make you wonder about the friendships that you make with Tukish men, after reading all these posts! I am friends with some really lovely men who work in Altinkum. They have never asked me for anything. They seem very genuine and true. There are good and bad in all cultures.

Lindaxxx, you areabsolutely right
and Dushkahvesi, you are right. It really doesn't depend on religion and culture it depends on what kind of person one is. Everywhere there are bad and good people.
And Lyndie- I'm not suprised about your friend's behaviour. According to what my Turkish friend said, most of Turkish men don't trust other Turkish man and as I notice myself, there are a lot of really bad and dangerous people among them. He was trying to care about you the best he could, but for us, European women it's a little irritating...

In Turkiye about 30% of the male population is maganda. It takes me 30 seconds to tell you if a Turkish man is a maganda or not. Unfortunately for foreign people this might take a few weeks or months.
I personally wouldn’t talk to any maganda the way I talk to friends. I'm a Turkish male but I feel uncomfortable among magandas. If I have to, I talk to them in a formal way. This will be a limited speech you do with a taxi driver, dolmuş driver or in a shop.
The Turkish woman might talk to the magandas as well. But it will be very formal and short.
Unfortunately since foreign woman don’t understand what a maganda is they become very close to these magandas in a short time which means asking for trouble and nothing else.
Do you know what a maganda is? Let me try to explain. A maganda can be educated or not, can be grown in a big city or in a small village. Between educated folks there will be less maganda and among uneducated folks there will be more. Among people who listen to arabesk music there will be more maganda and who don’t listen there will be less. All magandas have a desire to football but most football fans are not magandas. Also most magandas will enjoy their free times with male friends and will go to "kahve", a place where they drink lots of tea, smoke like hell and play card games. But not all regulars of these places will be maganda. Some of them will be ordinary people who are retired or others who have nothing better to do.
For a maganda there are two kind women. Either women are ethical and get married before having sex or they are not ethical and have sex will all the man they come across to. Unfortunately magandas will think that all female tourist from European countries are unethical.
A maganda is proud to have a hairy chest, they very much enjoy rude speech among male friends and they especially enjoy to talk about their experiences with unethical woman. For them this is something to be proud of. Actually for a maganda it is impossible to speak politely among male friends so this an important way to distinguish them.
A typical maganda will listen loud arabesk music when driving a car and will spit on roads.
Again around the same population of this magandas there is a female population who share the same interests with them. These women wouldnt mind spending time with magandas. But almost all educated Turkish women can recognise a maganda or a "maganda like" almost immediately. They certainly would prefer to stay away.

OOhhh...just to clear a few things up here.

My friend has NEVER EVER asked me for anything. When i said he wanted to take my credit cards, money etc. He only wanted to look after them, because he was afraid i would be robbed. He is always telling me off for showing my money when i go to pay for something.

He is not a bad person in any sense of the word

Seticio was quite right in her observations - his motives were completely about protecting me.

He is however, jealous and possessive of me, but again in his mind, this is protection, because he thinks I am unable to distinguish between a 'bad' person and a 'good' person because I can't speak turkish and can't read the 'cultural' signs - and of course he is probably quite right about this. I think that he would also agree with Erdinc about Maganda - he has actually tried to explain this to me himself and i didn't understand what he was talking about until I read Erdinc's explanation.

The jealousness and the possessiveness are about 'protecting' my reputation from the attentions of Maganda's I think, because he would also agree with what Erdinc has said about European women. He is very particular about my behaviour and dress when I am with him (as I am myself) in his home town, so I hope I didn't give the wrong impression about him. He is not Maganda himself and his behaviour is probably with my best intentions at heart, but also as Seticio has said, it can be a little irritating at times.

However, when you have a close relationship with someone from another culture, particularly the differences between him and myself - you have to 'take the rough with the smooth' as we say in England. Which means, all the things i love about him are a combination of all those religious, social and cultural differences that makes him the person he is and so this irritating over protectiveness and possessiveness are also part of who he is - and I wouldn't really want to change anything about him!

Sorry - another question what is 'arabesk' music please Erdinc? I have not heard this expression before.

Lyndie
"Sorry - another question what is 'arabesk' music please Erdinc? I have not heard this expression before."

Hello Lynda,
It is some kind of sick music for people for find who enjoy pain and sorrow. It has some arabic rythims and instruments.
Here you can find lots of arabesk music. The king of this kind music is Müslüm Gürses.
http://www.turkishmusic.org/index3.html
He is famous by fans cuttings their chest in his concerts. Not all arabesk listeners are this extreme certainly. But the main motive is pain and sorrow. Usuall an arabesk listener will blame everyone, the world, the destiny or the woman who run away.

Hehehe - I looked at this site.

I am shocked to discover that i am an 'arabesk' lover! OMG! Most of the music I like is like this. Not all but a lot. I didn't like Muslum Gurses I have to say, but I see that Ozcan Deniz, Mashun K whom I like are on this 'arabesk' page.

Ismail YK - is their music considered 'arabesk'? They weren't on the page, but I'm thinking there certainly is something of a similarity. Maybe arabesk gibi?

Actually all my good turkish friends HATE my taste in music. Maybe this is why.

i went to a turkish restaurant in England recently and I guess from your description all the men in their were maganda and the women maganda fans! Goodness this is a real learning experience for me.