I was having a political conversation with a Turkish friend of mine who lives in the U.S. now. he's very Americanized, which may make sense as you read on...

We got on the topic of marriage (customs, laws, etc.) and then divorce, which stemmed from the adultery topic, as adultery was almost voted into law as a crime in Turkey recently. The EU had major problems with this, and he believes this pressure may be why (for the mostpart) it was shot down. Anyway...he told me that in Turkey, divorce is legal, but not common, which I knew. He then went on to explain that if a man petitions to divorce, and his wife refuses the divorce, there's nothing the man can do legally, and he's stuck being married to her. Both parties have to agree on the divorce unless there are grounds for divorce such as assault, etc. I found this very strange. Is this true? No wonder the divorce rate is so low! He has never been married and says he would prefer to marry in the U.S. because of Turkish divorce laws and being so Americanized at this point. He also said that few men get divorced because they know if they do, their wife will never remarry and so they stay married to not desert the wife, especially if children are involved (doesn't mean they are faithful - he did also say a lot of Turkish men have affairs with non-Turkish women).

In the U.S. it is common for men to stay married for the kids, but not because of fear the wife will be alone and not remarry. I can't imagine an American male carrying one bit about whether his ex-wife remarries! Furthermore, he said that there is no such thing as joint custody of children in Turkey, which I had heard before. Do men stay very involved in their kids' lives if they divorce? In the U.S., most men get the kids every other weekend and maybe one day a week and stay very involved with their kids.

Can anyone comment on the legal issues he claims or the culture surrounding this topic? It's veyry interesting.

I don't have any personal experience with divorce laws in Turkey but I do know it is somewhat more difficult and time consuming to get one. From what I have learned, there is no such thing as a "no fault" divorce in Turkey. If both parties don't agree to the divorce then the petitioning party must prove grounds for a divorce. Grounds for divorce are one of the following catagories (from
www.turkishlegalcenter.com):

1. Adultery, Maltreatment, threat to life, severe insult,
2. Committing a crime which degrades the integrity or the prestige of the other party
3. Deserting home: If one of the parties leaves home and does not return for at least 6 months without showing a valid reason and also does not respond to the Judge's warnings, the deserted spouse may open a court case for a divorce. The party who has forced his/her spouse to leave home or who prevents the return of the spouse without any valid reason is also considered to have deserted his/her home.
4. Mental illness: If one of the parties has a mental problem which is confirmed by an official medical committee report that it cannot be treated, a court case for a divorce can easily be opened.
5. Incompatibility: Though this is the widest area of grounds for opening divorce cases, the Defendant has the right to reject a court case if the Plaintiff is found to be more at fault. If the judge, however, decides that the right of rejection is being exploited and that there is no benefit for the Defendant and the children in maintaining the marriage, a decision for divorce can be made.

I don't know the Turkish laws pursae, however I have a friend who is Turkish who's parents got divorced. The wife divorced her husband and the husband objected to the divorce.

However, during their trial the son had to testify as to why he felt his mother should get a divorce and the judge ruled in favor of the wife.

His father has little to do with him or his brother & sister, however his father does contribute to the financial cost of the children, but very little.

I agree in the states most men don't stay married in fear of their ex-wife remarrying.

It seems that the person not wanting the divorce has a lot of power in Turkey. It appears if the party wanting the divorce really wants it, they would almost have to do something bad to their spouse to get them to agree, make life almost unbearablle for them. What kind of system is this? It's very interesting, to say the least.

On another related topic, can someone speak about the culture in raising children? I have read that the wife raises the child mostly. How involved are fathers when married? Do professional women (lawyers, doctors, administrators, whatever) who worked before they had children continue to work like they do in the U.S. or do they pretty much quit their profession and stay at home? Is daycare common there? I'm just so darn curious about this whole topic now!

Strickly speaking with reference to my family in Turkey, if you turn back the clock in the US about 30 or 40 years...that is where they are in the evolution of women in the workplace. There are a few but it is still uncommon for women with children to work. Although many of the women I know have gone to university (one is a physician) but still stay home after children. I can tell you that from observation that extended family usually stay with children in the mothers absence.