I just asked a similar question maybe 1 month ago and didn't get nearly the response. Anyway back to original post..."He then went on to explain that if a man petitions to divorce, and his wife refuses the divorce, there's nothing the man can do legally, and he's stuck being married to her. Both parties have to agree on the divorce unless there are grounds for divorce such as assault, etc. I found this very strange. Is this true? Yes, it seems to be true. If you want it done quickly you have to come up with a good reason. Being unhappy is not a good reason. There is also 'forced' marriage from what I understand. If a traditional daddy finds out or suspects a boyfriend has had sex with, or it even appears they have been intimate they can call the boyfriend's father and put on political pressure. Then the parents take over and decide they should get married (this is my understanding). So don't have sex with Turkish girls...especially if their fathers are involved in organized crime...ummm...I mean a tight knit family of businessmen.

It is really too bad anyone would want to "trap" another person into marriage. Seems to be just asking for disaster down the road. I don't doubt that this happens though, probably all over the world, including the US, just in different ways. For example, I know women in the US and UK who have gotten pregnant to trap a man into getting, or staying, married. It's really not so different than what you described the Turkish girl did - trying to achieve the same results. Personally, I wouldn't want anyone to be with me unless they wanted to be out of their heart. This type of situation usually ends badly anyway, or makes for a miserable existence.

I got a chance to talk to my friend last night about this whole situation. He was humored by our discussion here. I did get a little bit of info, but he didn't know much. He said that Hakan told him that he had emailed with the American girl this past summer, I think twice, but he said it was described to him as simply "pleasantries" and short. Hakan told him this when it happened, but did not elaborate, just mentioned it in passing. He doesn't know details (who initiated it, although he thinks Hakan did, or how they found each other) and thinks it is really nothing much at all other than Hakan relieving his conscience. He said that Hakan has expressed a lot of guilt and depression over her, so he thinks that may have been what it was about. He just listened and didn't say much - didn't want to upset Hakan. He says Hakan does not open up to him like he used to. He said if more is going on, he does not think Hakan would tell him, but he really doesn't think anything has happened to change the circumstances and that nothing in the future will change, because Hakan seems to have accepted his life as it is, despite his unhappiness. He didn't know anything about the American's current situation, because he didn't want to ask at the time. Hakan is still married and in Turkey, still unhappy in his marriage, but not a glaring unhappiness, more an acceptance that this is the life he chose and so be it. He does talk about his child, a girl who I think is 6 years old (the one thing he does talk about with pride and joy). That's all I know. OH..and I got the wife's name wrong. It is Fatma, not Fatima. They are living in Ankara I believe.

By the way, I did tell my friend that it was best to stay out of it, and he actually agreed. He said that despite his desires to help Hakan, he does know that. He tries to listen if Hakan wants, but doesn't ever bring it up in conversation. He is also a busy guy himself anyway!

If I ever find out anything new, I'll pass it along. I'm guessing nothing will change in this situation though.

Elisabeth, you said it is uncommon for women with children to work. What about when the child/children are old enough to go to school? Do they still stay home all day while their child is in school? How boring. Remember my American friend I told you about that is unhappily married? His wife has never really worked other than the odd part-time job at times. That is out of choice though, and very rare in the States.

Unless someone is a brain surgeon or astrophysicist, or other rediculously well-paying job. Homemaker is not a feasable "job" in the United States. It doesn't pay. This is too bad because kids are getting the bad end of this. No one to stay home and play with them and pay attention to them. This is not good for their little brains.

It's because we as a society want more material belongings just not the necessities to survive. Therefore, it takes both parents income.

I have friends who stay at home and live simplier lifestyles and they are very content. Does it make your children better? I don't believe this is the case. Yes, you can give your child more attention, however it doesn't predict how their going to turn out. Speaking as a child who's mother never worked..

I think a mother who stays home with her child is certainly doing a wonderful thing. My issue is only with women who stay home after the child is in school and gone for 8 hours a day. It just seems illogical to me to sit around all day, unless you are volunteering or doing something of that nature and your family does not need the money. Why study at university and then sit around all day while your child attends school? Again, I am referring to a situation where the child is not at home all day, not when the child is still young, at home, and needing care all day long. Certainly when the child is young, it is a very good thing to stay home. Better than having strangers raise your child!

I see both situations... Yes, a lot of people are hungry for "things" and so the woman works for that reason, sending her child to daycare so that she can support their need for material things. To me this is sad. Western cultures are known for wanting the best of everything. I personally think this is ridiculous. However, I also know many, many families where the man does not make enough money to support the family and the wife HAS to work. They do not live in large homes or drive fancy cars, it is simply survival. I knew one family where the husband and wife shared a one-bedroom apartment with their three children. They were both well-educated, but had to work simply to live! It's sad things are that way. I do get a bit sad and angry to see people living in half a million dollar houses and driving cars that cost more than a year's rent and sending their children off to daycare. Just my opinion. But for someone who is a doctor by profession and has put in many years of study, once their child is in school full-time, why not use some of that education to help the community? Even part-time..

Yes, I totally agree! So in Turkish society, do women stay home their entire lives, regardless of how old the child is???? Or just the first few years until the child enters school? I'm very curious about this. I'm talking about educated women who had careers prior to marriage. What is the norm in Turkey for a woman who is middle-class and educated? Anyone???