Good point! Yes, Americans do also marry with restrictions in mind such as race, religion, or basically acceptance into the family.

As far as why Hakan went to America, what I recall from the story is that Fatima wanted to get married much sooner than Hakan did and she knew he was going to America for graduate school and accepted this, knowing they would be apart. I think she was a bit older in Turkish standards for not being married yet (she was close to Hakan's age, so probably close to 30 ). Maybe she felt pressure to marry quick because of her age, I don't know. This is how my friend described Hakan coming to the U.S. at least. I thought it was odd too. But I also know a lot of middle easterners who come here married and leave their wives behind for years (okay, Turkey isn't the middle east, but you get my point). Also, I think Fatima did not speak English and that was a big part of why she stayed in Turkey. I don't really know the details of this arrangement though. I'll ask my friend more about this. You have to remember, I only got a third-hand account from a guy's perspective of this situation that took place years ago.

My friend told me this story a while ago and then the divorce debate came up only yesterday (about laws, the EU), so I will see if he has any updates on the situation, including the American. You are right...the American probably moved on. I know I would!

That's 30..not 3 and a smiley face. Hate it when it does that!

Thanks, Trudy.

Another question to ask your friend, now that I find myself vested on this topic. Did your friend ever tell his wife about being in love with the American? I just wonder, if his wife knew that he didn't love her, would she remain married to him..

Interesting site on Turkish statistics...

http://www.turkstat.gov.tr/VeriBilgi.do

No, Hakan never told his wife about the American that I know of. I'll have to double check though. The wife, from what I was told, never wanted to divorce under any circumstances (partly why we discussed divorce law). Hakan would argue with her on the phone about it and from what my friend said, she would cry and beg for him not to divorce her. Makes me think that maybe she would stay in the marriage even if she knew, but I really have no idea. She was described to me as being extremely jealous and possessive. To the point Hakan, when first married (in Turkey), was not even permitted by her to go outside the house to see his own Uncle. She never wanted him to leave the house! There were a lot of arguments very early on I guess, which is what he meant when he said it was not a good match. She was described as very possessive. But who knows what the truth is?!?! Maybe that is why he stayed in the U.S. and didn't study in Turkey. I don't know. But I must say, a relationship breakdown is rarely any ONE person's fault.

Oh, and I think my friend said Fatima somewhat accused Hakan of some type of relationship with a girl he was in a class with at one time (not the American he fell in love with), which was completely false on all accounts according to my friend. It was all based on an email that Hakan and his female classmate shared about a class topic and nothing more. Any correspondence he had with females made her very jealous. This was some small incident when Fatima was in the U.S. (he witnessed some of it) so she was probably more exposed to his relations with females in the U.S. and got jealous easily. I need to ask my friend more because I am not certain I have all the facts right anymore. There were always fights about jealousy issues, that I do remember him saying. But again, that's his version. Who knows!

Oh, and one other thing I remember. He said that Hakan never told Fatima he loved her. That it didn't occur to him to say it. I guess another fight started when Fatima asked Hakan why he never said "I love you" and he didn't know what to say to her. He told my friend he didn't know what to say to her because it just never occurred to him to even mouth the words, because he didn't love her. So they would fight about him not showing her proper affection. Apparently that didn't include lack of sex. hahaha It sounds to me like she had a valid complaint. But again, if you're not in love, it's probably hard to say it. I think Fatima, despite whatever issues she has, deserves a husband who can love her properly. But hard to say the truth of the situation as an outsider. Maybe they are happy now that they have a child. Anything is possible.

Divorce is never easy or pleasant.

Even though it may seem to be easy....it is not.

Take a look here at some of the forms that have to be filled out. This is a link to Nolos legal books. They have books on how to do your own divorce in most states. This is only the one for California.

How to Do Your Own Divorce in California

I think women get half of a man's assets in California. Tough state to go through a divorce!!