What the authors of the study did not expect to find, however, was that "those males who had cohabited displayed the most accepting views of rape." Previous studies have found that men typically cohabit because of the "convenience" of the relationship, whereas women cohabit with "the expectation that cohabitation will lead to marriage"-- thus creating a relationship in which men are likely to "hold a position of power" over women who expect much more from the relationship than they do. No wonder that "cohabiting couples report greater tension in the relationship" than do married couples.

+500000.....

Here is the full article with end notes. Let me just say once again here, I found it interesting. I didn't say I agreed with it. I thought it would perhaps start a good discussion here.

Living Together Before Marriage

Some social commentators and young people have suggested living together before marriage is a good idea. There is, however, an ever-growing collection of data that sheds an unfavorable light on the arrangement once called "living in sin."

The prevailing theory is that couples can strengthen their relationships by living together before getting married. Instead of strengthening marriages, however, living together damages future marriages dramatically.

For example, if a woman lives with a man before marriage, she is more likely to cheat on him after marriage. In a recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family researchers analyzed reported sexual relationships of 1,235 women, ages 20 to 37, and found that it was 3.3 times more likely that a woman who had cohabited before marriage would have a secondary sex partner after marriage. The study also found that married women were "five times less likely to have a secondary sex partner than cohabiting women" and that "cohabiting relationships appear to be more similar to dating relationships than to marriage." 1

A recent study at Johns Hopkins University found that when couples choose to live together outside of wedlock, their relationship is something quite different from and significantly weaker than marriage. Researchers found specifically that most cohabitations end within two years and that "cohabitations are not informal marriages, but relationships formed by a looser bond. " The Johns Hopkins' study went on to show that men and women looking for someone with whom to cohabit look for "characteristics such as education which can reflect a short-term ability to contribute to the relationship ." In contrast, men and women looking for a spouse pay more attention to "ascribed characteristics (such as age and religion) that reflect long-term considerations." The researchers concluded, "While cohabitors anticipate time together, married persons anticipate a lifetime." 2

Couples who live together before their wedding day will likely be setting a court date for a divorce not long there after. In a study at the University of Western Ontario, sociologists investigated the relationship between cohabitation and divorce among Canadian couples. Through analysis of a national representative sample of over 8,000 ever-married men and women, the sociologists established that "premarital cohabitors in Canada have over twice the risk of divorce...when compared with noncohabitors." It is possible, the researchers acknowledge, that living in a nonmarital union "can have a direct negative impact on subsequent marital stability," perhaps because living in such a union "undermine[s] the legitimacy of formal marriage" and so "reduces commitment to marriage." The researchers also see something more than coincidental in the parallel rise in premarital cohabitation and marital instability . 3

In an article in Family Therapy, sociologists at Northern State University uncovered in their study of college students that cohabitation puts women in a perilous position, often at the mercy of men who regard rape with a disturbing indifference. The study also found that those who are most likely to cohabit indicate "Lower levels of religiosity, more liberal attitudes toward sexual behavior, less traditional views of marriage, and less traditional views of sex roles." All of these findings were expected and unsurprising. What the authors of the study did not expect to find, however, was that "those males who had cohabited displayed the most accepting views of rape." Previous studies have found that men typically cohabit because of the "convenience" of the relationship, whereas women cohabit with "the expectation that cohabitation will lead to marriage"-- thus creating a relationship in which men are likely to "hold a position of power" over women who expect much more from the relationship than they do. No wonder that "cohabiting couples report greater tension in the relationship" than do married couples. 4

In a recent study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, researchers found that only 30 percent of the sample cohabiting couples ultimately married, casting doubt on the value of so-called "trial marriages." The study also showed that those couples who had cohabited before marriage were more likely to have led lives marked by promiscuity than couples who had never cohabited. Cohabitors broke with tradition in other ways, too. Husbands who had cohabited before wedlock were less likely to be employed full time and more likely to have "lower occupational status" than their counterparts who had not cohabited before marriage. Also, wives who had cohabited were more likely to be employed full time than their counterparts who had not. This pattern of employment may explain why married couples who had first cohabited report "less traditional division of domestic labor," with husbands performing more "feminine chores" and wives performing more "masculine chores," than couples who had not cohabited. The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships article also agreed with earlier findings that couples who have cohabited are more likely to divorce than married couples who have never cohabited. 5



Endnotes
1 As reported in The Family in America: New Research, June 1996, p. 3; (Renata Forste and Koray Tanfer, " Sexual Exclusivity Among Dating, Cohabiting and Married Women," Journal of Marriage and the Family 58 [l 996]: 33-47 .)
2 Robert Schoen and Robin M. Weinick, "Partner Choice in Marriages and Cohabitations," Journal of Marriage and the Family 55 [1993]: 408-414.

3 David R. Hall and John Z. Zhoa, "Cohabitation and Divorce in Canada: Testing the Selectivity Hypothesis," Journal of Marriage and the Family 57 (1995): 421-427.

4 Terry Huffman et al., "Gender Differences and Factors Related to the Disposition Toward Cohabitation," Family Therapy 21 (1994): 171-184.

5 John D. Cunningham and John K. Antill "Cohabitation and Marriage: Retrospective and Predictive Comparisons," Journal of Social and Personal Relationships 11 (1994): 77-93.

A couple of years ago I read a very similar article in Time or Newsweek, I can't remember. But the article stated that the divorce rate was much higher amongst couples that had lived together before marrying. Stats are readily available for those who really want to know and have a little time on their hands.

I really can't understand all your comments here . If you REALLY love someone, and you are both RIGHT for eachother, what difference does a marriage certificate make?

I think the only reason that your stats show that people who lived together were more likely to divorce, is because they had probably been together for too long and were not really right for eachother! If they thought marriage would resolve their problems, they were sadly mistaken and so ended up divorcing.

From my experience, I would say that men are just as more likely to want marriage as women. This view you have that all women are secretly harbouring a desire for marriage is ridiculous!

Yes Aenigma, those ideas that women are dreaming of marriage is completely ridiculous.

The only comment I have about the divorce statistics is that it seems to me that marriage is not only about love, but also about responsibilities, adjusting your schedule to the other person's schedule and needs... etc. Those things are sometimes completely separate issues and have little to do with love. If people get used to more relaxed behaviours, it may be confusing and hard to understand why they must change it after the papers are signed. If people are mature enough and strongly care about each other, I suppose these issues can be solved, but I suppose not many poeple actually do.

Guys,i'm sorry,but i have a question,it may sound naive,but i don't really know the answer.

For 2 people who are in love with each other,What is the different between marrige,and living together ?

Ok,i undestand,they see how well they can be together,if it works then ok,and if it doesn't then they leave each other.

But isn't that same as marrige too ?

İf they ok,they continue,if not they got the divorce ?

İs it idea of long formal steps in marrige,and divorce,but in living together its easier ?

İ mean i know someone had lived with his lover for 20 yrs,without marrige,and then they got separated.

İsn't this same like marrige but with no papers ?

Coming back to the tearm 'LIVING TOGETHER WITHOUT MARRYING... IN TURKIA', what happens if a couple has a baby without being married? Has this baby the same rights as if it was a baby borned in a married couple? I want to know about laws. Thanks.

admin!!! why my writings are deleted?????

Whilst on this subject is it unuseual for a woman from England to live with a man in Turkey for quite some time before marriage? or maybe for a man from Turkey to live with a women from england in England? would this be unusual for Turkey as I know it is not in England.

:Evil Laugh: Power is a dangerous thing hehehe!

I got married in Turkey in 2003, i was really worried his family wouldn't accept me, i remember the conversations he had with them on the phone and recall them saying " those English girls don't stay put for long", "before you know it, she'll me casting you aside for a new man" ... but when we traveleled out to get married, their views changed think they finally realised I was human after all .
We got divorced last year and it was him that left for a new woman! They were all so quick to judge me and the culture that us English, Girls & Guys grow up in, yet we are not all like that. I actually have contact with his family and go out to visit them regularly. His family now refuse to make peace with him or to have any contact.
I actually really like the Turkish Culture...shame my X didn't. I always said when i get married its for keeps, i never imagioned being a single Mum. BUT my kids are loved, spoilt rotten and still get to see their nanny & grandad & millions of cousins, what else could anyone wish for?

merhaba!
I`ll try to be as mild as possible, but...it`s hard after reading the kissturk`s post....
when talking about the tr boys/men and the western girls/women, the common line seems to be that "easy" is the code no for the west (frankly I`ve got tired to read and listen to this!) especially when in most of the cases the western girs are the ones lied to and cheated on...
after all, who is judging who and by what critera?
we are living in a multicultural world and pretending to have the absolute truth and pretending to be the only keeper of the value...seems absurd...
why do we even ask "what do they think about living together before marriage?"....what do each of us, in particular think? what the members of that particular couple think?- these sound more appropriate
if we ask what a certain nation think on this subject and how shall we get along with this ...... it is rather sad....
let`s look in the mirror and ask ourselves what do we think of this and what our couple think of this.... after all it is not the rest of the world`s bussiness.....and if it is .... we`ll just have to live...with that world interfering in our couple

This is easy to say, but unfortunately we ALL judge by what we see with our own eyes. You only have to visit tourist resorts in Turkey to see that the women there do nothing to dispell the opinion that western girls are "easy"!! And the tourist workers do nothing to dispell the opinion that they are only after sex/money/visa!

You CAN'T blame people for judging by what they see. You CAN change their opinions in a small way. Everyone you meet while in another country "adds you" to their memory of that nationality - if you think about it it's true. In a small way, we are all ambassadors for our countries

Turkey being a vast country varies from region to region. In the touristy areas the Turkish people have become more accustomed to westernised ways and I have learnt from others that Turks who live in towns where the west has reached them have started to live together before marriage and this is becoming quite common now however, in the more rural areas tradition is still a very common way of life and it is not accepted as part of a relationship. parents still find husbands or wives for their children or they find their own partners but they do not live together until marraige has taken place.
I know Turkish people who come from Marmaris and Istanbul and i know people from Aksaray and their outlook on life and their behaviour is totally different ! the Marmaris friend and the Istanbul friend are far more outgoing , joke a lot more and are cheeky whilst the Aksaray Turks are a lot more reserved and woldnt dare joke in case its disrespectful.
It is quite amazing how the westernised ways have influenced certain regions of Turkey

Kind regards
Jackie