First lemme give a backlash:
people aknowledge that moving out with someone before marriage is ok. rather it has broke traditions, basic nature, and ligitamacy... people move out from their parents as a way to solution. blood is thicker than water. what alperhkn is just perfect and i all can do repeat him.
Parents's excuse is that it has become NORMAL. no, for God's sake it is not OK. NOT normal. Parents' by instinct find it easy that their kids {teens and above} move OUT OF THEIR way. parents' who think to see it as an oppurtunity for them to do what they want...(especially single parents- or separated)...YES. it is the worst of things. sure, for them all they have to do is give ur children "freedom"
WHAT freedom? u r imprisoning them... not giving them an option...

ok what about those who are to be married:

so they wanna life before marrying. what cant they just marry right away. what's difference between moving together and marrying? ligitamcy? legality? that piece of a paper called contract or marriage registeration? or having children?

as a teen in this situation, im not speaking of this from my point of view only, but the point of view of everyone i know and everyone i've observed and everything i have just learned in this thread. i can see it in ur writing.... i see holes u left out. escaping the natural truth by instinct. whether u know it or not. {no name calling}... yes. know thyselves.

If i was to move out. it'll be alone or with a buddy of same-gender {for financial issues}

Put the subject in question aside. Now tell me... who will get me a computer?

traditional Turkish families have big worry about relationship of fire and gunpowder before marriage

i think any traditional family would have a problem with this..i wouldnt stand for it when hatice is older and im english

Absolutly NOT! I've seen too many young women in the US fall for this, only to be left after the bloom has left the rose. They are then older, childless, husbandless and sad.

Family is very important. One should look for familial compatability. Look for someone who knows what they want and can commit to it.

How many old lonley people there are here in the US. They have no family. It's very sad. I'm afraid it will only get more tragic as things progress this way.


A life partner relationship is not an easy endeavor and making a real commitment helps it through the hard and difficult times. If you have the additional blessing of your familys, they will help.

Maybe I was not clear about the limits of openmindedness because of language probably. What I wanted to say was "when is someone considered openminded and when is he considered not, how do you decide it, is there a clear line between the two?"
I mean when a parents accept that their 16 old can move to another house with her bf, are they more openminded than the ones that let her move only after 18, or when I don't approve living together before marriage, am I not openminded? what determines this? When you leave all the traditions because "traditions are always or usually bad and oldfashioned", when you accept that the most important thing is individualism not the unity of the society because it limits your freedom or when your philosophy is "as long as it does not hurt anyone everyone can do anything", then are you an openminded? It was my question.

i lived with my now husband in izmir for about 8 months and nobody looked down on us his family were happy for us to live together too, we had also lived in bodrum together prior to moving to izmir and it was the same there, so although it doesn't happen a lot, we weren't treated any differently

I agree with living together before marriage. if you don't know what it will be like when you are married. maybe you would not get along with your partner when you live in the same home. at least you would know if you tried before you married. then you know what will work out for the better.

Here is a brief article that I found intersting.

Living Together Before Marriage
Some social commentators and young people have suggested living together before marriage is a good idea. There is, however, an ever-growing collection of data that sheds an unfavorable light on the arrangement once called "living in sin."

The prevailing theory is that couples can strengthen their relationships by living together before getting married. Instead of strengthening marriages, however, living together damages future marriages dramatically.

For example, if a woman lives with a man before marriage, she is more likely to cheat on him after marriage. In a recent study published in the Journal of Marriage and the Family researchers analyzed reported sexual relationships of 1,235 women, ages 20 to 37, and found that it was 3.3 times more likely that a woman who had cohabited before marriage would have a secondary sex partner after marriage. The study also found that married women were "five times less likely to have a secondary sex partner than cohabiting women" and that "cohabiting relationships appear to be more similar to dating relationships than to marriage." 1 The study also found that those who are most likely to cohabit indicate "Lower levels of religiosity, more liberal attitudes toward sexual behavior, less traditional views of marriage, and less traditional views of sex roles."

Now my comments, I have been in both situations and have found living with someone for me, ruines it some how. People get use to things and men tend to take you for granted then. I'm not saying, I wouldn't live with another man either. I think you do get a better sense of whether he is the right person for you. But just like anything else you live and learn.