Turkey |
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living together before marriage
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| 40. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 10:22 am |
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Quoting ekd: i was just wondering, it it usual for couples to live together before marriage in turkey? |
Hello ekd!
As far as i know, it is unusual in Turkiye for young couples to live together without being married.. i had this curiousity and i asked my ex turkish boyfriend who told me it is also not normal for someone to spend the night over at his girlfriend or her boyfriend's house.In a way i agree with this way of thinking because i am a bit old fashioned but on the other hand i think its wiser and better for young people to spend time together in order to see if they are getting along, sitting in the same house, sharing duties and responsibilities.
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| 41. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 12:28 pm |
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| 42. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 03:01 pm |
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thank for all the info, its answered lots of questions for me!
i'm also a bit worried now because i am visiting a male friend in the winter and staying with him. eek!
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| 43. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 03:06 pm |
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Quoting ekd: thank for all the info, its answered lots of questions for me!
i'm also a bit worried now because i am visiting a male friend in the winter and staying with him. eek! |
 good luck to you, ekd!
just be yourself!
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| 44. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 03:22 pm |
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For me, living together before marriage or approving it are not a degree of open mindness. Right, the ones who are pretty conversative are against this idea, but they are against sex before marriage as well, but for me the two are different. It's not a question of having sex. I see marriage as a first time living together of couples in their life being a first step to the sacred association, marriage. In europe where a great amount of people live together, we can see that the family has lost its sanctity as well. (Let it lose!?)
Anyway, you can find me living with a man in the future as well, but still I don't find it good.
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| 45. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 03:35 pm |
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I wonder what your limits of openmindedness are catwoman. Or are there?
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| 46. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 04:12 pm |
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Quoting mltm: I wonder what your limits of openmindedness are catwoman. Or are there? |
Should there EVER be limits to an open mind? The phrase means to listen and try to understand all aspects of a subject. Are you saying there should be limits to this? 
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| 47. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 05:28 pm |
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Quoting aenigma x: Quoting mltm: I wonder what your limits of openmindedness are catwoman. Or are there? |
Should there EVER be limits to an open mind? The phrase means to listen and try to understand all aspects of a subject. Are you saying there should be limits to this? |
i think what mltm was trying to say was whether or not there should be a barrier between the need for open mindedness and unacceptable behavious..for example people could be fine with girlfriends and boyfriends sleeeping over..but have seperate rooms or give an age at which this is acceptable..or maybe i misunderstood 
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| 48. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 05:59 pm |
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Quoting Ivy-youzi:
good luck to you, ekd!
just be yourself! |
thank you, no doubt nearer the time i'll be posting asking for advice on staying with a turkish friend and their family! lol
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| 49. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 06:34 pm |
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Quoting aenigma x: Quoting mltm: I wonder what your limits of openmindedness are catwoman. Or are there? |
Should there EVER be limits to an open mind? The phrase means to listen and try to understand all aspects of a subject. Are you saying there should be limits to this? |
Aenigma, I wanted to add that what you were saying earlier about family being an important structure is completely right. But when you're saying that there should be more good families around, you are probably thinking of the kind of good families you see in your community. In those families parents are responsible, mature, pay attention to their kids' development, teach them certain values, don't force them to think or be a certain way, but let them grow the way they are... etc. What you are talking about, I think, is that people should be more mature and ready before they have kids. This kind of idea of family stems from personal choice, maturity, free decision... NOT from the society, parents... etc. What some other people were talking about is a strict set of values of the society that SHOULD be imposed on individuals. So let's say that the society IMPOSES the value of family as the most important structure, what does that imply? It implies for example, that people cannot get a divorce and have to be stuck together miserable or not. There's no second chance. That leads to adultery, loveless marriages, loveless homes... etc. As closed minded such society as it would be, women wouldn't be allowed the same rights as men (as it is these days in those cultures) and even if they were extremely abused, they would have no way out and no support, even from their families. Also, this way of life implies lack of tolerance towards other values as well - other beliefs or atheism, different sexual orientations which are not compatible with the society's idea of family, and other things. Such cultures create hierarchical systems, with the superior/inferior assignments. If you've read one of Lyndie's essay about the way people were being served at the dinner table in Turkey, you'd see that clearly.
Long time ago, people didn't live so long and the fact that biological maturity is happening so early in our development was a survival tool. But these days, not only we live longer, but also we mature later, and hence the numbers of teens who make wrong choices.
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| 50. |
06 Nov 2006 Mon 09:25 pm |
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First lemme give a backlash:
people aknowledge that moving out with someone before marriage is ok. rather it has broke traditions, basic nature, and ligitamacy... people move out from their parents as a way to solution. blood is thicker than water. what alperhkn is just perfect and i all can do repeat him.
Parents's excuse is that it has become NORMAL. no, for God's sake it is not OK. NOT normal. Parents' by instinct find it easy that their kids {teens and above} move OUT OF THEIR way. parents' who think to see it as an oppurtunity for them to do what they want...(especially single parents- or separated)...YES. it is the worst of things. sure, for them all they have to do is give ur children "freedom"
WHAT freedom? u r imprisoning them... not giving them an option...
ok what about those who are to be married:
so they wanna life before marrying. what cant they just marry right away. what's difference between moving together and marrying? ligitamcy? legality? that piece of a paper called contract or marriage registeration? or having children?
as a teen in this situation, im not speaking of this from my point of view only, but the point of view of everyone i know and everyone i've observed and everything i have just learned in this thread. i can see it in ur writing.... i see holes u left out. escaping the natural truth by instinct. whether u know it or not. {no name calling}... yes. know thyselves.
If i was to move out. it'll be alone or with a buddy of same-gender {for financial issues}
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