Turkey |
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living together before marriage
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| 10. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 12:32 am |
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süper fikir..lol
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| 11. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 05:02 pm |
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thank you for the info everyone.
i was more wondering about if turkish men with english partners often live together before marriage, suppose i should've said that straight off lol.
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| 12. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 05:10 pm |
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Quoting ekd: thank you for the info everyone.
i was more wondering about if turkish men with english partners often live together before marriage, suppose i should've said that straight off lol. |
Im guessing it would be more normal and more acceptable as English families dont generally mind when their daughter moves in with her bf.
Also, from my own experiences I have seen that girls who have come from Europe are looked down upon and even classed as "cheap" even if they are the most innocent person ever... It would be expected yani, for an English lady to move in with her bf.
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| 13. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 05:19 pm |
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Quoting catwoman: robyn, of course it depends on how open minded the people are, so no need to jump in and defend them. you can restate the quesion to say 'how open minded on average are turkish families to accept young people living together before marriage'. someone was asking about the statistical probability of living together before marriage in Turkey - not in England.
anyways, I think that a big hinderance from people living together - even if their parents aren't happy about it, is the financial situation. many people have to live with their parents because they can't afford to rent an apartment out of one salary. |
It is not about being "open-minded", on the contrary I can say that "narrow mindedness" cause illegitimate relationship and childeren... who lacks the love of parents usually..
In Turkey, living without marriage is not accepted and is not seen ok naturally..
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| 14. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 05:51 pm |
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alperhakan,do you think that the true parent love and family responsibilities can exist only within the legitimate relationship?I know the general view over these things in Turkey but I am still wondering how can people relate the feelings to the laws and the state?are young couples doing this because of the fear what other people(and mostly relatives) will think about them or they REALLY consider this proper?
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| 15. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 06:05 pm |
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Quoting ekd: thank you for the info everyone.
i was more wondering about if turkish men with english partners often live together before marriage, suppose i should've said that straight off lol. |
Here is the answer to your question from a Turk:
Quoting alperhkn: It is not about being "open-minded", on the contrary I can say that "narrow mindedness" cause illegitimate relationship and childeren... who lacks the love of parents usually..
In Turkey, living without marriage is not accepted and is not seen ok naturally.. |
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| 16. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 06:07 pm |
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Quoting derya: alperhakan,do you think that the true parent love and family responsibilities can exist only within the legitimate relationship?I know the general view over these things in Turkey but I am still wondering how can people relate the feelings to the laws and the state?are young couples doing this because of the fear what other people(and mostly relatives) will think about them or they REALLY consider this proper?
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In the US I have witnessed that nearly %70 of the kids in a school lacks father or mother (mostly father) even they dont know who the father is.. thanks God, it is not like that in Turkey.
your second question: the young couples which doesnt live together without marriage might be doing that in order to keep it as a virtue, or the fear of relatives,friends social community, or because of thinking life hereafter or any other reasons.. depends on one's life style.. but the others who choose living without marriage:" Have you then considered him who takes his low DESIRE for his god, and Allah has made him err having knowledge and has set a seal upon his ear and his heart and put a covering upon his eye. Who can then guide him after Allah? Will you not then be mindful? " Thats what I think they do it for..
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| 17. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 07:14 pm |
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Quoting miss_ceyda: Quoting ekd: thank you for the info everyone.
i was more wondering about if turkish men with english partners often live together before marriage, suppose i should've said that straight off lol. |
Im guessing it would be more normal and more acceptable as English families dont generally mind when their daughter moves in with her bf.
Also, from my own experiences I have seen that girls who have come from Europe are looked down upon and even classed as 'cheap' even if they are the most innocent person ever... It would be expected yani, for an English lady to move in with her bf. |
I have to say I would not recommend even tempting it because if you were to get serious with a turkish man it would not look good to your perspective future in-laws if you both were to decide on marriage later. It's bad enough that they already see the foreign women as easy, even the 'most innocent ones' as miss_ceyda said so why encourage that thought in them? I had a 3 year courtship with my husband while traveling from the US and back from Turkey and stayed in his mother's home during those visits and never once thought to live together. We are now married 2 years and I adore my mother-in-law. 
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| 18. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 07:32 pm |
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Quoting alperhkn: In the US I have witnessed that nearly %70 of the kids in a school lacks father or mother (mostly father) even they dont know who the father is.. thanks God, it is not like that in Turkey. |
+1 I have to agree with you here Alperhkn. We have a similar situation in the UK. I am NOT conservative in my thinking, but where children are concerned I have to agree that the "old fashioned" values are the best ones.
Let's hope that, in this respect, Turkey does not become more westernised in it's thinking.
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| 19. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 08:01 pm |
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Quoting aenigma x: +1 I have to agree with you here Alperhkn. We have a similar situation in the UK. I am NOT conservative in my thinking, but where children are concerned I have to agree that the "old fashioned" values are the best ones.
Let's hope that, in this respect, Turkey does not become more westernised in it's thinking. |
I don't completely agree with you. I think that kids are comparatively the same off, because while some parents feel more responsible for their kids in family oriented cultures, others are only harming the children by being dysfunctional families.
It is all give-and-take. The traditional family values are great, but also create hierarchical, dis-individualized institutions, where the good of the group is more important then the happiness of the individuals.
In more individualized cultures, the respect is put on the individual, while relaxing the family ties. This is the only possibility, we can't have all the good things without any trade-offs. So I prefer this kind of system, which both respects and requires personal responsibility.
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| 20. |
05 Nov 2006 Sun 08:07 pm |
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I always respect your views Catwoman, but I must draw my conclusion by what I see. The increase in children born without known fathers, into "families" where siblings have multiple "fathers" does seem to coincide with the problem we have in the UK now.
We have "feral" children now; children who have no rules given to them. They roam the streets and end up causing problems for others. Their mothers are often very young and do not want to give them the time they deserve. THIS IS FACT. These children are effectively psychopaths - children who have been raised without love or boundaries and cannot empathise. They have no compassion.
I am lucky to live in a very nice place, but even here you can go out at midnight and see children of all ages (sometimes as young as 2) out on the streets - often accompanied by their 16 year old mothers - smoking, drinking and destroying property. I look at the 2 year olds and it makes me want to take them home, keep them safe. It is heartbreaking to watch...
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