Hi, everyone, I'm a newbie here, but just looking for a little advice, I've been with my Turkish man for just over 7 months and have known him longer than this, he lives in the UK at the moment, but will soon be returning to Turkey to finish University and then to join the army. In March I am flying to Turkey to see him for 3 weeks and meet his parents, family, and friends. As far as I'm aware his parents don't speak much English and my Turkish is basic, he speaks quite fluent English so will be able to translate. But my question is on culture, when meeting the parents are there any specific things that I should do? He and his parents are Muslim, they know about me and are very curious, so..... it sounds such a stupid question, but I am sure that there are many people here who have felt the same in the past.

teşekkür ederim

In my experience...

cover up.. but dont make your self feel uncomortbale...maybe long skirt?!

Learn the basics... things like saying "çok güzel" during a meal.

Try help out.. tidying up the table with them after.

But most of all relax.. use the turkish you know and explain the english... they will more than likely really want to learn some english to communicate with you

As i said these are only in my experience!

Have a wonderfull time

If they come close and give you their hand (not in a hand shaking way..) take the hand, kiss it and bring it to your forehead and let it touch it softly. Before going there ask your boyfriend if his fmaily would appreciate it, and ask him to teach you.

Bring small gifts for the family, be sure tat if you buy chocolate there is no liquor in them. Maybe some nice scented soaps, or some special kind of cookies from your homecountry, or silk scarves (if they are covered).


The most important is to just relax. If they accept you, they also accept that you are from a different culture and need to learn these.

Brwose through our forums, we had many people before you asking the same question

Im from Yorkshire and i brought 'Yorkshire Tea'

They love it...

I have to bring it over everytime i go now!

I actually have a red apron of Yorkshire Tea

Turquazman, a Turkish man at 41 says (as an advice)

Just be yourself, keep calm, dont exaggerate(especially your clothes and make-up) keep contacts in every way you can do, feel yourself as a part of the family..

Then let time what brings you

Take your shoes off when entering their home! Also, keep a dignified distance from your man in front of his parents - unless they are very relaxed - and you will understand how much when you meet them. I took the lead from my husband as to how to behave. He was very respectful - perhaps slightly formal in front of his father. Never smoked in front of him for instance. Also, it is important to help with the dishes, etc. Even if they tell you not to, show willingness. But the best advice is absolutely to relax and be yourself. Good Luck!

Did we all not talk about this couple of months ago?
(This site desperately needs a proper internal search engine!!hmmmm..Lucene is highly recommended dear web master)
Anyway..
What they are advicing you above Summer is very conventional. Turks wont like that!
They will think you are one of the foreign girls.
So it is better to be a bit unusual:
-You wear a tiny mini skirt for a start..
-Make sure you have a bottle of beer or wine in your hand when you arrive..
-Ask for an ashtray in first couple of minutes of arrival for your cigarette.
-you dont need to take your shoes off in the house..(very conventional, every foreign girl does that.)..
-Make sure you pay compliment to father in law and (if there are any) to your bf's brothers..Tell them how gergous looking they are..Dont be shy..
-in the middle of conversation, get up and sit on your bf's lap..show how much you love him.

- Just make sure, end of the night they should think 'you are not a conventional girl, you are unique'..

ok?

Ahh dont tease the girl I remember the first time I met his parents, but I have to say, I didnt plan anything or asked around, I just thought that respect is universal and stuck to it!

But maybe its the fact that they are not religious and that they definitely wont let me kiss their hands the big difference here

You asked for cultural advice but important things have been mentioned already so I'll give you some on language. When talking to the family don't be shy to put your language skills to the test. Everyone's going to want to hear from you and it's not important that you make mistakes, everyone does in learning and I'm sure they will appreciate your trying. Especially when talking to the younger females are going to make sure you practice your turkish as they love to chat (I am yet to meet anyoen who breaks that norm ). It's also a great way to get to know the family. Let your boyfriend help on the more complicated issues.

I would never ever be able to behave according to any rules in front of anybody's parents - just to win their approval. I would sit among the guys, I would kiss and hug my bf often, I would argue with "the father" (aka "holy cow") about how there's no freedom of speech in turkey, I definitely would NOT help with any cooking or cleaning (but I'd surely expect my bf to do it in his parents' home!). I would expect to be wined and dined on the first visit!
(at the end I'd add that turkey is the most important country in the world!)

Do you think they'd love me?

Serendipity

If you allow "peanut" as the highest level of personal insults in this site, this will be a very clean and polite site indeed !

haha I'm sure they wouldn't forget you

I think it's pretty universal to behave respectfully towards potential parents in law when you first meet them but when you get to know them better everyone loses their inhibitions. In my experience anyway. I couldn't have a better relationship with mine even though I'm the one who falls out of line of the daughters in law in the family they love me to death Above all things it's important to be oneself.

This is actually really funny - when my bf first came to my house, I invited him to my room - without having met my family beforehand. There were no formal meetings or introductions of course. When he was about to leave, he looked very tense and I couldn't understand why. I asked him, and he said: "what should I say when I meet your parents?", and I said: "say hi". It was quite a shock for him that it would be ok to just say "hi". A while later, on some holiday celebration for which he joined us for the first time, my relatives were trying to be tactful not to ask him many questions so that he doesn't feel like he's being "interviewed".

to invite bf to the room when parents are around!!!! impossible in Turkey...maybe in 2050's

However the most common thing is to simple NOT invite your girl-/boyfriend home (meet in a soulless place instead) unless it's a casual "I ran out of sugar do you happen to have some?" type of excuse and then simply just forget to go home or becoming best friends with your girl-/boyfriends sister/brother. It's used a LOT in Turkey
But somehow the parents are usually not too surprised when their son/daughter reveals who they want to marry

things changing fastly in our country to and lately to be traditional ''out'' and to be open all news ''in'' for the big part of our people,i hope we don't lost our way more then enough on this social and cultural transformation...Popular culture creating its own freak human model and own social relationships a bit more day by day,and if it goes this way we will not know ourselfs even when we look at to mirror as soon as

Hi there

I was in same situation as you in september i went to meet the inlaws, but really you have nothing to worry about (although its easier saids then done i know) the only thing i would say is taking his mothers hand kissing it and bringing it to your forehead it is a sign of respect in turkey for people older then yourself, and if she does nt want you to do this she will just take your hand down before you take it up.

im sure if you did this they would be very happy
also try the website

http://www.msnusers.com/englishgirlfriendsofturkishmen

There is a lot of girls on here who have experiences also and will be happy to help. they have been a godsend to me!

i hope this helps and good luck

suzie