i found an interesting discusion about turkish guys and foreign girl...i wonder is it true or false..read this:
i recently met a turkish man while on holiday,i have benn to turkey many times and love the people and counry.anything you can tell me about the culture and ways of turkish people woould be appreciated..you know,the do's and dont's . the man met has asked me to meet his family when i go back to see him in september..is this good sign?he has also asked me to marry him !i do havve feelings for him but need to know more about the way of llife and how british women fit in over there .i would love to live in this beautiful country and ask for any replies ..good and bad

----Was he a waiter, or an "independent entrepeneur"? What is your age difference? It was a holiday resort, right?

He ia a chef, i am 33 and he is 25, and yes it was a holiday resort. Any reason you ask? or is it the same old...younger man older woman, he knows i am divorced and lost everything in the process.
Thanks for the reply.

----same old story! When will these people ever learn?.......She asked for advice "good and bad" - I gave her my personal advice. If I let her down gently she's going to be even more hurt when she realises what her Super Chef has for store for her in his kitchen. More than a circumcised mutton dagger.

Read the Silly-Millie story amongst others and tell me if anybody is going to tell her "Oh Jackie I am so happy for you. A Turkish Chef, can he cook kebabs ? this must be your dream come true. You must be the envy of women throughout the world. There can't be many handsome virile men who fall for foreign women older than them. And he wants to marry you so early in the relationship, this must be such a special love, I wish somebody would do that to me. Of course he has a diplomatic passport to come to the UK with you doesn't he - or at least a 10 year visa - of course he does. Or maybe he's not interested in leaving Turkey. You are SO lucky that he chose you ahead of all the beautiful Turkish girls, he must love you so much. Have you asked him if he would like to come to the UK or Europe with you - I bet he will be SO excited. I have heard that this is very rare for somebody so handsome to fall for a divorced foreigner - somebody told me that at the Consulate they have only ever had one lucky Turkish man marrying an English rose - you will be the second. OOOOOH I am so excited for you. And of course your family and friends must be over the moon and can't wait to meet their new future in law."

Oh Jackie, you lucky lucky girl. Good luck with your wonderful future. I am sure you will both live happy ever after

that's it ..what do you think...is it only at the resorts with the chefs ,waitors and etc..or is it with all turkish men..

turkish men will rarely marry to a woman to their senior, especially if the woman is divorced with kids.

most hot blooded turkish male's dream would be to become the first man of the woman they are going to spend their life with. in other words, a potential wife must be a virgin on the first night, particularly if the man is a waiter in a holiday resort.

Hello Pamuk,
Thank you for information. You sound very sure. I think your post can help our classmates . I did not know about this. It is good to learn about other cultures customs.
Don't you think there can be exceptions. I think we live in 21-st century already. I believe many things are changed.
Anyway, it is only my opinion.

as you may have noticed, i said "most" turkish man. i am sure there must be some exceptions although i havenot met one.
however, given the time i have been away from the country, i would like to think that things are changing so that i can return there finally.

Merhaba Pamuk,

maybe a little late but welcome to the turkishclass forums. Thank you for sharing your ideas with us. There haven't been many yet but I like reading your posts. I hope to see more of them.
Considering your perfect English I think you have been abroad for long now.
And yes I belive things have changed a lot in Turkey, especially in big cities.

Cheers,
Erdinc

Hello, I am new here, and this is the first item I have chosen to read, and I must say I think it's a good one!! I have been married to a Turk for five years now, but I am only 23, I met him over here, he had been here for 7 years before I got hold of him!! I would consider myself somewhat integrated into the Turkish world, and I am fluent in Turkish, having worked in a holiday area in Turkey, I have been living in a Turkish man's world with their way of life, their traditions, and unbeknownst to them, their secrets too, for some years now. With me being young and British, my boys tend to forget that they have to moderate their conversations around me, and give away a lot more than my hubby would appreciate them too! So, with that in mind, I would say that I would be incredibly dubious of such a proposal, it would be so nice to live in a world where you could trust people's intentions, unfortunatley, most of the time stereotypes can be true! Sad, but true.

I believe that the turkish men would marry to a virgin women. and they would like spend there whole life with them.

Yasikli,

I think you are right in that Turkish men would marry a virgin. It's all to with the culture of the country.

Women in England are liberated and there does not seem to be the virtue as there was the last 2 - 3 decades ago.
My opinion, I still don't think a girl would lose her virginity to anyone but to the person she thought she really loved.
There seems to be so many people living together in England than getting married now! I think marriage seems to be fading to some extent.

Do Turkish women ever marry an outsider?

Hi Tut,

I have known of some outsiders marrying a Turkish girl.

Who will make the ultimate sacrifice in the relationship? Since, they are from two different world.

Knowledge and true:

Did you know a man from Eastern Turkey and places in the mountains can have up to 5 wives.
One legal and four hoca wives. The hoca is not equivalent to our priest but marries couples after the legal wife. These wives known as equivalent to our mistresses is recognised by the neighbours, friends and family.

Usually the normal amount is 3 wives as a house is usually bought each time they marry. This is why there are such big families.

I know this to be very true as my agent is from Eastern Turkey and he has two wives and he is only twenty nine years of age. He told me he can have five wives. He was brought up with his father having three wives, his mother was the legal wife, he has eight brothers and sister in total. Two half siblings to each of his two (step mothers). He told me his brother has three wives. He said its alright, we all get on well.

I have checked this out with "Alanya Answers", and she told me her hushand's father had three wives, and they were all treat the same.

I've also heard about it, but it was at least 30-40 years ago. My boyfiend's grandfather had six wives. Father of my boyfriend is a son of the sixth wife. It happens sometimes, but generally in more "arabic" places like Sanliurfa and the most eastern parts of Turkey. You would be suprised how many Arabian people from Syria or Iran live in Urfa. Sometimes in a whole family only one person is able to speak Turkish! This is very orthodox culture, girls in such families don't finish even primary school because their father doesn't agree for this.

Hi Setico,

These were no arabic people but Kurdish, or so he told me he and his family are.

I wonder if it is with the ones who can afford a few wives. As I don't think a lot of them would be able to afford as many.

It definitely exists today and not something of the past.

The children do work at an early age sometimes from the age of 11 years of age to help support their family.

I was asking a young boy in Icmeler working for his uncle in the Bazaar why he wasn't in school. He used to run and hide when he saw me after that, as I would lecture him about school. He kept telling me "finish". He was also a long way from home.
I have also seen a lot of children selling items at night in the resort. This could be dangerous for such children.
How their parents don't worry about them?

well, probably you are right. I've been told about it but I couldn't believed. Also in Malatya there are a lot of very young children who sell different things on the streets. My friend told me that most of them come from eastern Turkey and their fathers generally don't won't to work, women in such families can't work, so children are sent to work for a family. I've seen many children selling sweets etc.
However I know also "normal" Kurdish people who say that they don't accept this situation but they can do nothing about it, because "fathers" of families don't want to change anything in their lives.

Yes Seticio, I have also been told the same thing about these young chidren working. when I was in ayvalik in February 2 tiny boys one no older than about 5 or 6 years old were on the bus at 11.30pm alone. One of them had a very bad cough and I was very concerned about their safety, they told my friend that they had been selling serviettes to bars and restaurants. They said that their mother was dead and their father was at home sleeping. They got off the bus when I did and finished their journey on foot, two little boys walking slowly along holding hands in the middle of the night - they should have been tucked up in bed with their teddy bears - very sad.

On my forum there are lots of european women married and dating turkish men good and bad. These are older women in their 40s 50s who have settled in Turkey with their men some have successful marriages, cohabitations and some have been hoodwinked and left penniless.

If a Turkish man remains in Turkey chances are he will marry a turkish woman because his family dictates that he should. Also children are a Turkish family's wealth, they will bring in the money when they are old enough to either work or marry. There are very rarely old people's homes in turkey and the family look after and take care of each other or so I've been told.

There is a huge ex-pat population growing in turkey along the coastlines some are staying permanent some are just using the place for holiday homes.

There are a lot of english working over there now in estate agents and other areas. I know this because I have many friends who live and work in Turkey.

Sorry if this is in the wrong place.

Is Osmaniye a city of the Eastern turkey?? :-S

OF COURSE , BUT THE WOMEN IN TURKEY RARELY MARRY AN OUTSIDER. REGARDING THE MEN THAT YOU HAVE MENTIONED ABOVE, IT DEPENDS, IN ACCORDENCE WITH THE EDUCATIONAL LEVEL AND THE REGION FROM WHICH THEY COME FROM,

HI JUDITH,
OSMANIYE IS IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF TURKEY...TAKE CARE ,

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