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dear tommysbar,
i was saddened when i read your story. I myself had been separated from my husband 5 years ago. We were married in 1986, i was also very young,only 19, was in the school of medicine (i was studying medicine then). Because of my great love to him, i knew then that he was already into drugs, and i was blinded by my emotions, i still married him. Although his family was very supportive of us, we had 2 children, he also hurt me physically, emotionally, and worst of all, took drugs with his cousins even in front of me. I started to hate myself, lost confidence, and lonely.
I wanted to preserve the marriage and thought that if God put us together no one can put us a part... so I stayed with him for 13 years. I knew I had to prove something for myself ... to be free ... I decided to leave him and live with my parents instead. It was avery tough decision I made, really very very hard for me, I thought I could not cope... but you know what ... i have started to build the confidence in me again, went out with old friends, worked so hard for my children ... and i tell you it was the best decision that I made in my entire life.
I want to have someone who can be with me when I grow old, to love me much the same way I would love him - but somehow there is the fear of falling in love again. But I know, the right man will come for the right time. If ever no man would be there to share his life with me, who cares anyway. What is important now is that I have my children with me, I have friends who understands me, and I can do whatever I will ... its really a great feeling.
Think my friend, you are still very young (I was already 34 when I was separated). You cant live with someone you hated, if he beats you - there is no more respect for you and soon love will die. It is so hard to be with someone you dont love anymore. Get rid of what is making your life miserable, make it easier for you. Start with your life anew and be careful with the man you want to be with again. Use your head above your heart, or I should say follow what your heart tells you, but be careful. Enjoy life while you are still young, and always ask God's intervention to give you strength, courage, and contentment in life.
You can be great... you can be whatever you think of yourself... you are a unique creature God made and I know and I believe that if you will just believe in yourself, you can overcome all these obstacles.
Go girl!
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