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Marriage between two faiths
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| 50. |
04 Jul 2007 Wed 02:40 pm |
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Quoting elham: I think we make the topic complex sufficiently ,
Good luck loveprague, go onnnnnnn  |
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| 51. |
04 Jul 2007 Wed 03:09 pm |
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Quoting MrX67: But when we think about that a bit more secualar and tolerated,things really become easier.Sure not easy to change customs,beleifs or traditions in a short time,but i think things will be better in time with the more communication between different belifs and cultures.the best fix for communication,more understandting and a bit more objective thinking... |
+1
I do agree with you Mr X67! Although it seems I am arguing here always, I learn a lot about other cultures in the process
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| 52. |
04 Jul 2007 Wed 03:34 pm |
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Quoting aenigma x: Quoting MrX67: But when we think about that a bit more secualar and tolerated,things really become easier.Sure not easy to change customs,beleifs or traditions in a short time,but i think things will be better in time with the more communication between different belifs and cultures.the best fix for communication,more understandting and a bit more objective thinking... |
+1
I do agree with you Mr X67! Although it seems I am arguing here always, I learn a lot about other cultures in the process
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| 53. |
04 Jul 2007 Wed 06:35 pm |
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Quoting aenigma x: Quoting alameda:
My, I have no idea where spousal abuse and rape come into your idea of parental approval. Perhaps your experience with parents is unique?
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Wow! We were not talking of parental approval on this point, we were talking about your concept of "successful" marriages based on, what seems to be, your praise of the family arranged marriage and moral attitude to divorce! The culture you described is the very culture which breeds mercy-killings!!
A loving family is one who selflessly love their 'child' and support them through happiness AND difficulties and nuture their child to grow into an independent adult capable of making their own decisions for their future.
My parents have been happily married for 41 years, thank you. Its lucky though that I DONT have personal experience of the things you mention, because reading your insensitive post would have been very upsetting if I HAD!!!!
Don't judge all the "West" by your US standards dear |
Quoting aenigma x: Quoting alameda:
My, I have no idea where spousal abuse and rape come into your idea of parental approval. Perhaps your experience with parents is unique?
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Wow! We were not talking of parental approval on this point, we were talking about your concept of "successful" marriages based on, what seems to be, your praise of the family arranged marriage and moral attitude to divorce! The culture you described is the very culture which breeds mercy-killings!!
A loving family is one who selflessly love their 'child' and support them through happiness AND difficulties and nuture their child to grow into an independent adult capable of making their own decisions for their future.
My parents have been happily married for 41 years, thank you. Its lucky though that I DONT have personal experience of the things you mention, because reading your insensitive post would have been very upsetting if I HAD!!!!
Don't judge all the "West" by your US standards dear |
My dear, nowhere in any of my posts did I make any reference to arranged marriages or in any way sanctify mercey-killings. It appears you are filling in lines based on what you expect to see, or what you want to discuss. Perhaps you should start another thread.
What I did say is that it is good to have parental approval in marriage and marriage based on romantic love rather than combatability and shared life goals has little chance for success. I also stated that the couple being on the same path makes things easier.
It used to be that one looked for a suitable marriage partner rather than falling in love. Many don't like the idea of falling into anything.
Congratulations on your parents successful marriage. In fact I know some much longer....like 70 year marriages in my own family, but then the both families did get along and rooted for the couple.
I also know of marrages where either the father or mother of the spouses did not approve and the marriages ended with tragic results.
I don't think a marriage that discounts the feelings of ones parents bodes well. If someone has cared and nurtured you during your childhod it is very ungracious to discount their feelings. When one is inflamed with the passion of romantic love, reason usually departs.
To be sure, there are parents who make unreasonable demands and try to force their children into horrid liasons. This is tragic and not to be commended at all. This is not what I would recommend and I have no idea where you would get the idea from any of my posts that I endorse such activities.
The proliferation of services that offer to help people find
dates and companionship should be testify to the difficulty in finding appropriate partners. Such services can be found even in progressive sites as De Speigle and others as well as traditional "match makers".
The tradition of bringing someone home for the Holidays to meet the family is alive and well. What do you suppose the purpose of such activity is if not to secure family approval? One's wife or husband becomes the parents Son-In Law or Daughter-in-Law.
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| 54. |
04 Jul 2007 Wed 06:58 pm |
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Thank you for quoting me twice .
"My dear", you ARE talking about marriages where there is no romantic love but is solely on both parties being "suitable" and accepted by both families involved. If that is not "arranged" marriage, then I would like to know what is!!!! I am filling in no "lines" by merely stating that while you see this as ideal, it is actually this very culture that breeds mercy killings. That's a fact!
Yours statement:
"It used to be that one looked for a suitable marriage partner rather than falling in love. Many don't like the idea of falling into anything" is very weird. When did "it used to be" the case? I love your words "inflamed with passion of romantic love" - are you living in the 1800s or from the Mid West or Utah(Salt Lake City???!?!)
Thank you for your congratulations on my parents marriage - I am sorry you don't deem 40 years long enough yet to fit your description of "successful" but unfortunately they have not lived long enough yet to meet your exacting standards. My grandparents however married for love also and celebrated 60 years of marriage (unfortunately one of them died recently, which probably you would see as one of your failures!!!!!!!)
You see many marriages of love that end in failure? Well, I see many carefully considered, cooly calculated, unromantic family approved marriages that were absolute hell! And...how the hell do you have sex on a regular basis with someone you are not in love with?? Maybe thats not a problem for you...
Parents would have to be very selfish to be against a marriage where both partners are deeply in love.
Yours statement
"The tradition of bringing someone home for the Holidays to meet the family is alive and well. What do you suppose the purpose of such activity is if not to secure family approval?"
Approval?????? My "purpose" would be nothing more than for everyone to meet and get to know eachother.
I find your ideas cold, calculating and very "prim" indeed!
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| 55. |
04 Jul 2007 Wed 07:20 pm |
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Having just read your views on "living together before marriage", I now realise the extent of your outdated, sexist views!
Quoting alameda: Absolutly NOT! I've seen too many young women in the US fall for this, only to be left after the bloom has left the rose They are then older, childless, husbandless and sad.
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| 56. |
04 Jul 2007 Wed 07:45 pm |
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i believe a happy and healthy society only possible with strong and loving families,but pity youth prefer to live together or a short time marriages,i think most of people thinking marriage as a game,really sad...
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| 57. |
04 Jul 2007 Wed 09:27 pm |
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Quoting aenigma x:
Parents would have to be very selfish to be against a marriage where both partners are deeply in love.
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this is soooo well said! super!
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| 58. |
04 Jul 2007 Wed 11:49 pm |
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Quoting femme_fatal: Quoting aenigma x:
Parents would have to be very selfish to be against a marriage where both partners are deeply in love.
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this is soooo well said! super! |
and frankly I don't care who "approves" of my relationship, just accept it!
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| 59. |
05 Jul 2007 Thu 12:41 am |
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Quoting karekin04: Quoting femme_fatal: Quoting aenigma x:
Parents would have to be very selfish to be against a marriage where both partners are deeply in love.
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this is soooo well said! super! |
and frankly I don't care who "approves" of my relationship, just accept it! |
+1000000000 i agree with you because it is my life who is at stake and not theirs so just respect my decision and my choice of partner in life.
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| 60. |
05 Jul 2007 Thu 01:08 am |
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I understand what alameda wants to tell and I agree with him/her. Though I'll make more contribution to the thread tomorrow
The others who oppose to what he says must have read too many princess/prince charming love stories.
He hasn't said that we should make marriage without love, he said we shouldn't make marriage just because we are in love. There is a big difference.
I have heard too many love marriages, where the charm disappears after some months, and then they are left with nothing. The compatibility of families is one of the important things that supports a marriage because it's the major thing that makes our background.
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