...sounds like he needs to be more worried about you, then you about him...

We have just a week until his last day in military... We know each other from 5 years as we met in USA and then we just kept our friendship alive until last year when i went to see Istanbul and.. I fell in love with the city and him... before that we had only friendship status well with some background, but nothing serious...


All this time now, these last 5 months we were keeping in touch, writing, calling... we are like closest friends, not only a couple...

The point is I´m a christian, he is a muslim, I´m Bulgarian, he is Turkish (if you know our history, you can imagine how hard it is for people here to understand, cause Bulgaria has been under Ottoman Empire for 5 centuries!)... It´s like a crazy story, a crazy love and i still struggle but... I dont know until when I can resist... And I really dont know why he doesnt tell his parents... may be he is affraid they won´t accept me cause I´m a Christian.... I love my religion and I don´t mind Islam, everybody has the right to believe in whatever they want...

Kuskonmaz, I´d like to write with you more about that topic. I´ll send you my email and msn on a private message

Thank you girls, I will appreciate more advices.

and i know many of his friends when i was in istanbul, they all like me, even though they call me best friend of them... But family... I would be so happy if only once he say something like - Hi from my sister or mom or whoever... I do this with my family, they are not admired, but they are polite and they say - say hi to him...

I´m so confused really. I truly love him, and he loves me too but it´s so many differences and obstacles... the good news is we are not that far away cause we are neibouring countries... but he needs visa and I hope they acept them in EU soon!

i would say you need to relax ... this your tension about being introduced is felt. and other person would double think - WHY? looks like you are desperate to be introduced to be sure ab his feelings. any other way?

maybe just love him, enjoy the moment and create happiness for each other? maybe when you concentrate on yourself, your true feelings, wishes and expectations you will see and understand him more? have you ever think that he might protect you from his family?)

take away your emotions from this issue. and if you want (you feel that you just must discuss this matter) - talk about it. tell with confident voice, calm eyes - it is your curiosity. it is not only about being introduced, but about your wish to see them either. highlight other points in your relations. dont depend on his decision. let him know that it takes two.

in general it is not in your hand to change him. He is reflection of you. change yourself - more productive, discover yourself different, put different "make-up" on yourself and you will see different him.

and try to look at the situation through eyes of "third-party". you will see the different story and you will know what to do.

If i were a foreigner lady who is in love with a Turkish boy i would be patient to be introduced to the family and mostly focus on what i live.

Becouse most of those relations does not begin with the idea of "together future" however if things go well and both sides have hopes about that relationship, together spended time is needed to consider that as a serious relationship.

If both sides still think that they are compatible after they understand each other´s deeper feelings, ideas and expectations then its time to be introduced to the family.

I have to remind you that the ratio of happy ended relations between Turkish and non Turkish people is not so high...

OEINCE:

I have to remind you that the ratio of happy ended relations between Turkish and non Turkish people is not so high...

But WHY? Why is this? I am more understanding now towards the idea of meeting his mother/father etc. I spoke to a Turkish friend and she advised me that in his mind, he probabaly thinks ´why would i introduce her, i am not about to marry her yet´ So i completely understand why i wouldnt be introduced, and i am happy with that. However, i have recently been informed that his mother is NOT happy about our relationship because she had high hopes for him and his ex girlfriend...and also, she doesnt think good things of English girls at all.

I´m Dutch and I´ve only introduced a guy when I had serious plans with him, and marriage was a very likely future for us It´s not just a Turkish thing In my experience I haven´t seen Turkish guys introducing girls that they were not very very VERY serieus about to their parents. Every time I saw a girl being introduced, an engagement soon followed.

And why do the mixed relationships fail... Well, most relationships between Turkish and foreign people nowadays aren´t really relationships I don´t call going out for two weeks in a total state of alcohol daze, and then arguing on msn a relationship. And for the others, often people meet in strange situations, like on a holiday, when life is really different. When everything is back to reality, a relationship isn´t so easy anymore and the hard work it takes to make a mixed relationship works makes many give up.

Maybe he is asking their opinions about them?

Ok here is my take on the matter, long and lots of bs. so bear with me:

Arranged marriages were nearly %100 until recent times and they are still very common. In an arranged marriage your mother (or another elder woman relative such as aunt, or a matchmaker) picks a girl that she thinks is suitable for you. As you can see there is definitely an opinion here. So introducing may mean "here mom how is this one?" for some maybe. Especially if he is being pressured into marrying. If you are 25 and single you will start feeling the pressure build up. Your parents will try to arouse pity telling they have one foot in the grave and how they want to hug their grandchildren before they pass away. Not only relatives but even your streets grocer will jokingly ask you when you are gonna marry. Not mentioning the troubles of daily life such as finding accomodation/renting house if you are single etc.

Aside from that, there are also a lot of conservative/rural people who end up marrying the first person of the opposite sex that they date. One such example is my family. Dating people until you find somebody that you connect with etc. is rare thing in Turkey. So; as a result a boy might be on the look for a girl instead of being on the look for love. (Kız bul evlen ) As asserting if you are a girl doesn´t really take much time compared to asserting if you are in love/connecting, he might even take you to his family in the first day if you are willing.

I think a lot of Turkish males would have no problem marrying a nice girl they meet immediately out of the blue. As we say "nikahta keramet vardır"

 That´s so funny and SO TRUE  Pfff...How many times I heard "I want to see my grandchildren before I die!" coming out of the mouth of a VERY HEALTHY woman.... like she was going to die tomorrow  And it´s always nice when you´re excited about your study or your job and all people ask about is "when are you getting married" and after that "when are the babies coming?"...freaking everybody!!!

the other post ab divorce: answer was that divorce is rare thing in Turkey.

so most of pre-arranged marriages are happy?

turkish people fall in love with spouse no matter in what way found?

it looks like it does not matter whom to marry, but just marry?

It does seem to be that way. The actual state of marriage is held in high esteem.  Rather than looking to "fall in love" and maybe get married, the process is to find a compatable mate and work on being loveable......or working to inspire love in one´s mate.