It does seem to be that way. The actual state of marriage is held in high esteem.  Rather than looking to "fall in love" and maybe get married, the process is to find a compatable mate and work on being loveable......or working to inspire love in one´s mate.

...don´t ask questions about the "cheating" rate in Turkey

That depends on your definition of happiness. If you´re a man looking for a cook and mother of your children or a woman looking for somebody to provide for you, arranged marriages seem an option. Of course sometimes people learn to love their spouse but often it´s just a settlement. The fact that people don´t divorce doesn´t mean they´re happy, it just means they accept their marriage and the rules on which it functions. If your husband is cheating on you but you believe your mother telling you that´s the male nature and you should forgive him because you´re a woman and have to think about your children, you won´t divorce. Are you happy? Hmmm

Definitely divorced do happen in Turkey, and it´s not always the husband who files for it. I´ve heard about women filing for divorce. I don´t think it´s taboo anylonger

do you know the rate of wives cheating husbands?

 Well said

no, not really. Among my Turkish friends it was only the guys who cheated, never the gals - but I´m talking about my group of friends, not about objective statistics

Good Lord Daydreamer, is that all you think it´s about? Doesn´t it occour to you the compatability of the whole group is an issue?  You paint such a dreary picture.  Just how many arranged marriages are you familiar with? In these type societies the health of the whole family unit is of primary importance.  People choose mates that complete, rather than compete with the whole family.

In your "Western" ideals it´s just the couple with their "love" in the world.  Maybe there are children, maybe not. 

"No man is an island"....but some seem to think so.  If that´s what you want, fine, but I don´t see any reason to cast negativity on other options you don´t understand.

Alameda, we´ve been through it so many times. What is there not to understand? After all arranged marriages are not unique to Muslim or Turkish traditions. I just don´t accept putting the benefit of a society over my own in this case. I believe society can function properly even if people make their own choices and mistakes.

The idea that western societies are only about love is not 100% true. For some it´s the same aliş-veriş like in the marriages you praise so much, the difference is that it´s the couple that make a choice not an older person (ie parents).

And I´m sorry but why shouldn´t I express my opinion about a topic discussed? especialy if it´s something that I believe is more favourable to one gender and pushes the other into the position of submissivenes. Sure, generations will continue with husbands free to do what they please and wives waiting for them at home anyway, bringing up the children and having no means or social acceptance to stop abusive relationships. And on the outside it´ll look grand. If you´re ok with that - fine by me, it´s not my business whom, how and why you want to marry.

I´d like to emphasise one more time that being in an arranged marriage doesn´t grant unhappiness. There are people who are really fulfilled (both men and women). At the same time, marrying out of love doesn´t grant happiness either. What I simply wanted to draw attention to is the fact that arranged marriages are more likely ones in which women´s position is lower or, if you prefer, women are more prone to be abused.

Daydreamer, please don´t attribute words or thought to me that I have not expressed myself. 

I said family, not society.....who said anyone should be abused?...not I for sure.  Never ever should anyone abuse another, particularly one´s spouse. Spousal abuse has nothing to do with arranged marriage....abuse is abuse....and it happens everywhere.

off topic: I miss using html codes for multiquotes

back on track:

The way I understood you, benefits of the family outrate benefits of individual. Right? So, it can be interpreted like: it doesn´t matter if you are happy in your marriage as long as you see to all the duties you agreed to, be it cooking or earning money.

I didn´t say abuse is necessary, I simply stated that in old-fashioned families or in arranged marriages abuse is more likely to happen as the chances are it´ll go unpunished (by divorce for example). I objected to your estimating the happiness of marriage by referring to the small number of divorces. We´ve already discussed that and i´m afraid we´ll have to agree to differ here, I still abide by the thought that "not getting a divorce doesn´t mean you´re happy."

btw, I agree nobody should abuse anyone. Too bad there´s a huge difference between what things should be like and what they are

OK here goes again:

First of all I see some people are viewing this issue through "European" glasses which actually makes them blind, you can not have an objective discussion if you are so dogmatically convinced you have achieved higher moral standards.

There isn´t empirical data that shows arranged marriages are worse than so called love marriages, social and psycologic stuff don´t work like physics. And on the contrary one would see lower divorce rates for arranged marriages anyway. Of course that is a result of social structure however what I am trying to say is please get off your high horses and stop acting like you are the judicator of a universal truth.

Women being suppressed doesn´t have much to do with the marriage being arranged or not. Oppression of women is about education, wealth, social status etc. rather than how those two people got married.

And finally this is why arranged marriages worked beautifully in the past: "Nikahta keramet vardır". Means there is wonders in marriage. People were married off at an early age. They would be virgins, both physically and mentally. Thus they would be very speacial for each other. Add the fact that agricultural lifestyle needs man and woman work side by side they would become friends, coworkers etc. Add the experience of raising children together, rather than dumping them in some daycare center.

When I look at my elderly relatives, I see purity, and a lifelong companionship which people lack nowadays. I don´t want so called European values seep into the minds of my people and poision them, turning them into Dudu seeking empty shells at the age of 40.