I met my boyfriend when he was in the U.S. working for the summer. We spent 3 months together and yes, we fell in love.  I will be visiting Turkey for the first time in a few weeks to see him in Antalya where he attends university. He wants to take one day to drive me all the way to Konya to meet his parents. I know his parents are very traditional so I am very nervous! Please, someone give me advice to ease my fears... What to expect, what to wear, what to do, what to bring? Thank you for any info!!!

I am an American married to a Turk, so I can understand a bit of your anxiety....although, my husbands family is very non-traditional.  If they are as traditional as you say, my advice to you would be to dress somewhat conservatively (might want to wear a long skirt and a shirt that covers your shoulders and arms....not low cut).  Ask your friend if his parents expect to be greeted in the traditional Turkish manner (kiss to the hand, then touch the hand to the forehead, then kiss both cheeks).  I have noticed that some people expect this and others don´t.  Typically if they expect it they will just put their hand out.  I am sure you already know to remove your shoes before entering someone home.  As far as what to bring, ask your boyfriend what would be appropriate. 

Not sure what else to say except that Turkish parents are not that different from anyone elses parents.  They love their children and want them to be happy.....so in reality, if they see that your boyfriend is happy, then they will be happy for him.  One word of caution:  keep in mind that many Turkish parents have already planned their childrens lives out and if they have it in their minds that their son will marry a good Turkish girl and have lots of Turkish babies in a traditional Turkish family, then they may not take you seriously as someone their son is in love with (or wants to be with). 

Feel free to PM me if you need.  Always happy to share my experiences of Turkey, my Turkish family and my culturally blended family!

Please dont listen to Elisabeth - as she said, she is American, and a BED one at that!

OK now to be serious.  If you want to impress them you should not try to be shy or too polite - it is considered rude in Turkey.  When you first meet them, you should call both parents "lan" at every opportunity.  It is traditional to smoke in the home, so I advise you to take a good stock of cigarettes with you and smoke as much as you can in their living room.

Now on to clothes.  Anything short and/or low cut is advisable.  They like western people and love the way we show our bodies off, so show off as much of your body as possible so they can see what a great bride you will make. 

One last word of advice.  Make sure you are as affectionate as possible with your boyfriend when you are in the company of his parents.  A good snog can go a long way and will prove to them how much you love their son. 

Hope I have been of assistance, but feel free to PM me if you have any further questions

One more piece of information to add to the last post: TheAenigma never actually got to marry her Turkish boyfriend, apparently he disappeared without an explanation... We´ve been looking for him, but so far, no luck!

 I was hoping you would not mention it here - the pain is still so severe, the heartache still so raw

Canim, it´s been five years now, I was hoping that the TC dating services that we signed you up for had helped you heal the wounds.. And I´ve been getting darn good reports on your progess, are you saying now that I´m wasting my money on hiring the best spammers?!

I appreciate your humor! While İ was asking for advice I am not so ignorant of the culture as to actually follow through on any of the tips you listed. Or perhaps you missed the part about the traditional family in Konya. İ think İ will stick to Elisabeth´s advice since she actually kept her Turkish man!   But thank you for your input!

 Yes she kept her man - but only because she stole him from me!

PS.  Don´t you think a bit of common sense and a few questions to your boyfriend could have resolved this issue?

MUAHHHH!! somebody finally saw thru your evil schemes Aenigma!  Bed Americans are a bit smarter than you evil Brits!!!  My guess is, you are off the list of contenders for TC person of the year....yilgun told me today that this is the last straw for him!   

 Yeah..so smart that she can´t think WHAT to wear when she meets her bf´s parents!

You need to get yourself a new dudu!  Tami has only been gone a week and you are already trolling the forums for poor unsuspecting happy girls (who DO have dudus) to pick on!  YOU HAVE DUDU ENVY!!

 Konya is renowned to be one of the most conservative cities in Turkey. Still, it is a fairly big city, there are many different types of people living there. The general attitude towards outsiders seems to be good. They try to do everything to please you when you visit their restaurants etc as a tourist. Last time I was there, the waiter very politely led us to the premises of the old mansion that the restaurant was located in getting me to wear a freaky red garment - a replica of the what used to be worn by kadis of olden times. He even put a giant white turban on my head completing the scene with a rosary having very large beads.

He took a picture of mine in that costume and went on to rave about the history of the mansion and the location in general. Considering the little price I paid on the traditional kabobs and their special sour okra soup, this was way too much attention than I´d expected.

Still there are all sorts of people and families everywhere. I would expect them to be a bit more conservative than the average. Should they try to force you to do things you wouldn´t want to do, it all  boils down to what extent your boy friend can and will protect you from that.

At the end of the day, no matter how conservative the family can be, it is you and him who will decide on things. Such situations are good opportunities to test how deep your love is.

Konya sounds a bit scary, since as Vineyards said earlier, it is known for being a conservative place, even in Turkish standards. It might be a good idea to know some Turkish before going there, that might make his parents feel like you´re not that ´foreign´, in case they are planning that he gets married to a nice Turkish girl.

It is quite OK to ask other people about such things on this web site!!

The parents of my partner are very traditonal. His dad (may he rest in peace) was from Adiyaman, and his mom from a small village near Diyarbakir. Mom prays five times a day and is all scarfed up

Just be the cleaned up version of yourself. Don´t wear shorts or something, but don´t wear long skirts if you never wear them usually. I wear short sleeves to my mother in law if it´s hot. She covers herself up entirely, but I am not her. But on the other hand, you won´t see me in a tank-top showing loads of cleevage either. Don´t be too stressed about meeting the parents. You partner was raised by them, and he likes you enough to take you to see his parents, so they will probably like you too!

Meeting Turkish parents is like meeting other parents. Although Turkish men do seem to be bigger momma´s boys then I´ve seen them in other countries. Make a few compliments about the house and ask some question to the mom (perhaps through translation of your partner) to impress the mom, and you´ll do fine.

The fact that your boyfriend wants to take you to meet his parents, shows enough if you ask me. Most Turkish males know what their family expects from their spouse, and wouldn´t want to bring a foreign girl home if they´d feel that the parents wouldn accept a foreign bride.

As said, be the cleaned up version of yourself but don´t exaggarate. As for behavioural things, you might want to ask you boyfriend instead of us. He knows his parents best. For example, my in-laws would never accept the hand-kissing-thing, whilst others insist on it (they might actually nearly slap their hand up your face to get it kissed )  It is usually appreciated if you offer to help when the mother (or anyone else) goes to the kitchen to prepare food or bring tea. Oh and when sitting, it is more appropriate to put your legs next to each other (closed, not wide open obviously) instead of over each other.

As a gift, anything particular from your homecountry, or nice cookies, chocolate is probably welcome (if you buy chocolates with fillings, make sure it is not liquor ). Or baking something turkish like börek and bringing it along also may show your willingnes to adapt the culture.

oh yeah, i did that once, crossed my legs...big mistake, the bottom of my shoe was visible for an uncle, and than my turkish partner looked at my foot in horror and hit my leg

I never heard about this!! What is wrong with crossing your legs?

I was told about the leg crossing thing too.  A few of my female Turkish friends told me that some people in Turkey consider this gesture to be sexually provocative.  (Who knew that the mere sight of a woman with her legs crossed could drive some men crazy??)  

...........So cat, don´t cross your paws anymore!   

Konya is reowned to be the most  alcohol and sex toys consuming city of Turkey as well. This should be the profit of being conservative i think ...

I also know about this, but it´s not just for females, it´s any gender. 

If you think about it, crossing one´s legs isn´t that healthy. It constricts circulation.

 Yeah.. because normal, healthy sexuality with respect for women is "sinful" and forbidden!  That´s the paradox of religious morality...

That also explains how everything is perceived to be sexually provocative, even crossing your legs!!!

I suppose this is only for women? Because, if not, why all guys all over the world always sit with their legs wide open as if they are so fat they need two seats? Marking their territory? Even on a seat in the bus, train or at a busstation? (I wonder if someone thinks that thát is sexually appealing too.....

Crossing legs is the issue of respect similar to not to smoke in front of parents. In fact i think not so much important in most of the Turkish families...

 Not true, its possible to hear from the dad of a Turkish boy "yayılma lan, adam gibi otur"

In some countrys showing the soles of your feet/shoes (like when you cross your legs) is considered dissrespectful so maybe its like that in Turkey too?

It can be confusing though! I remember I once went to meet the parents of a close friend and was told not to smoke there. When his mother cut her finger during cooking, I got a bit dizzy (sensitive when it comes to blood ) and was sent to the balcony to get some fresh air. His grandmother (a very old, sweet lady) sat there, smoking thin cigarettes. She handed me one, saying it would calm my nerves. I rejected to be then whispered in my ear that denying something the elders offer you is even more rude So there I had my shot of nicotine with an old turkish lady