I had a discussion about this with some women at my office the other day. We were talking about relationships, women and their careers, the dynamics between men and women, and what makes a man a "real" man.

There was one dilemma. To make it far in the business/scientific world, you have to work long hours. There seems to be a trade-off between work and relatioship. So, let´s say you are in a relationship, you have a job and your partner has a job. The choice is this. You work untill 10 ´o clock, but your partner is home at 5 ´o clock. Or, your partner works untill 10 ´o clock, and you are home at 5. Ofcourse, the ideal situation would be, both home at 7 but this is not an option in this case. Which option do you choose?

If my partner and I won´t be able to find a chance (common free time) to make love, whether she is or I am home at 5 could make no difference, hence I choose none!

I wouldn´t mind any of these two options. You can get used to many things in a relationship. And finishing work at the sam etime does not grant a successful relationship anyway. I´d imagine, though, it would be hard to have a child if one of the partners spent that much time working. I know there are nannies but...what´s the point of having a child if you cannot raise it?

I kow either option is not optimal, but the point is that you must choose one. There were mixed results in the group I discussed this with. By the way, this is not a case with children. It´s just you and your partner. My Moldovan friend said, with strong feelings, that she wanted to be the one home at 5. My Dutch friend said the same, although she had to think a bit longer.. My two Chinese friends said (without having to think about it very long) they wanted to be the ones working until 10. I agreed with my Chinese friends. I was just wondering what people from other countries think of it, and what the men think.

I think the male partner should work until 10 in order to prevent his female partner putting forward excuses (not to make love) like ´Grrr! I am so tired of working until 10, so have no mood for it, besides I have a headache! Can´t we just sleep? It is late...´!

Or, you can have a situation like mine.  My husband and I work in the same place.  We drive in together, we drive home together.  Although we do not share the same office, we eat lunch together and have the same friends.  My best friend and her husband also work in the same organization that my husband and I do...hence, all of the people I like the most, I get to spend most of my time with.  

When possible, I think it is important to have the same career goals and to understand eachothers ambitions.  I have always been a very career driven person and so is my husband.  Because he works in the same place and understands what is going on in my organization, he is much more sympathetic and vice versa. 

OMG...

Dont do that!! You will get bored with each other so quickly.

Give each other some space for goodness sake!!

Is it so hard for you to believe we may actually like it this way?  Some couples actually LIKE to be together.  I know this concept is strange for you, H...but please try to understand...I actually LIKE my husband!

But now let´s say you HAVE to make a choice. No ideal situations. Would you be the one home at 5, while your husband is home at 10? Or would you be the one home at 10, while your husband is home at 5?

Well, if I have to make a choice, I will be home at 5.  But it makes absolutely no difference what so ever.  We have a 13 year old and a 14 month old.  We both work until 10pm every night anyway! My guess is we will both be in bed by 11pm as usual!