FWIW...I have noticed most cases of male spousal abuse, the abuse does not manifest itself in the beginning. It starts gradually and it most often rears it's head when the wife becomes "owned". Like when she has children and can't leave, when she looses her assets or becomes so financially or emotionally dependent. At that time the man that he feels he can get away with it.

Men who abuse women are very charming at times. Particularly in the beginning. It's when the woman is under their control that the abuse takes place.

Haven't we all seen the movies, or read the books where the abusive spouse/mate dramatically pleads his case and in an emotional upheaval the abused spouse forgives and takes back the abuser. It's a cycle.

I don't know about Turkish law, but in the US each state has different laws. Some states are community property states, some are not. Community property laws are rather draconian. They also have degrees of marriage, 5 years, 10 years and so on.

It was not that long ago that proof of adultery was required in New York for a divorce decree to be granted.

I mention this because it could be in the state your BF got the divorce in has it's own peculiar requirements.

It's a good rule to look at what is being brought into a marriage. If one is poor and the other is not, I'd question the motives. Even though many to not consider themselves wealthy, the perceptions and standards for wealth differ.

He could be out of the coverage area. Not all parts of Turkey get coverage. Also, at least when I was there there were three companies that covered different areas. Perhaps that's the issue.

From her post, it looks like he has already told her they are playing with fire, he is going to marry a Turkish woman, but he wants to still see her.

The thing is, love, what ever type of love it is, but in particular, romantic love, makes your mind melt. From a distance, when you are not in love and are thinking rationally, it's easy to see incompatibilities. Love is not rational.

When you are in love all you want is to be with your beloved......no matter what. One is drawn like the proverbial moth to the flame.

Unless he were able to divorce himself from his family and all that entails, there is no reasonable way it could work. If he were to do that, it would be just about impossible for her to fill the gap that would leave. She couldn't do it. His identity, is fused with that of his family. Taking him out of that would change who and what he is. He would become something else, and she that is not what she loves. If she changed to fit into his family and all that entails, she wouldn't be who she is now.

It's like being in the forest and picking a wildflower, only to watch it wither and fade when brought inside. It was beautiful in the woods. Enjoy it there and move on.

This thread has taken a very cruel turn. Let's not forget there is a woman here who is suffering terribly. She doesn't need salt in her wounds. She realizes there are some problems and has asked for help.

What she needs is constructive input to help her sort out her problems.

Given the nature of sexual attraction, it's doubtful many of us here would be here if it were so easy to resist.

“I have a problem understanding sumthings with the turkish culture. “

This has nothing to do with Turkish culture, but one man and one woman who are from different cultures. It would be similar if he were from from another place that is culturally different. Even when people from places like say, Germany and Spain get together, there can be problems.

“I have been dating a guy for almost 2 years now. Everything was great, i just got told how much he loves me and he would die for me. “

When he was in your environment, that was true. It's like when you are in water, you swim, but when he went home, he realized where he was from and where he was going. It's almost like he was drunk with you and got sober.

“Then this year i fell pregnant again, i did not even know i was. I really wanted the baby even if i lost him. He did also not want me to have the baby and i had a abortion, which has left me broken for life.....When he just dropped the bom on me and told me that we do not fit and we are playing with fire. Then he said he wants to still be with me, but one day he has to take a turkish woman as his wife. “

Now, as the reality of your and his basic fundamental values and goals, he realizes it won't work out. He obviously has great physical attraction and feelings for you, but he realizes you are not compatible. This type of love doesn't last the long run and can result in tragedy....as it has thus far. Having two abortions in such a short time does not bode well for the relationship. It is very hard on your body, and emotional well being. When you are pregnut, your hormones change, when you have an abortion, it disrupts the cycle, not to mention what it does to your body.

“Or is he playing me??? He is not muslim but alavetis. “

I don't think he is playing with you. He will probably does love you and will remember you all his life, but he realizes it won't work. If you try to stay together, it looks very bleak.

Alevi's are Muslim....

http://www.angelfire.com/az/rescon/ALEVI.html

I am deeply disturbed by the Iraq War. The justification for the invasion was based on what appears to be fabrications about Sadam having WMD. I am not at all happy with what is going on, and I am not alone in my feelings.

http://www.pollingreport.com/iraq.htm
68% do not approve.
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http://www.guardian.co.uk/Iraq/Story/0,,1162952,00.html

Blix dismisses argument that war was legal
The former UN chief weapons inspector Hans Blix today rubbished the government's argument that war in Iraq was legalised by existing security council resolutions.
He said Britain and the US would have needed a second resolution explicitly authorising the use of force against Saddam Hussein's regime for the invasion to have been legal.
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The Iraq war is a disaster. Countless human lives have been destroyed. It is draining the economy, valuable resources needed for education, healthcare and infrastructure maintenance and repair have been diverted. It is causing incalculable damage to the credibility and reputation of the US.

As far as the military being volunteer, I'm sure some choose to join because of high ideals. However, not a few are questioning being sent to a war that is questionable, to say the least. Most are there because of economic problems and the promise of benefits. Not few are questioning the war
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http://www.ivaw.org/faq
The Iraq war is based on lies and deception.
The Bush Administration planned for an attack against Iraq before September 11th, 2001. They used the false pretense of an imminent nuclear, chemical and biological weapons threat to deceive Congress into rationalizing this unnecessary conflict. They hide our casualties of war by banning the filming of our fallen's caskets when they arrive home, and when they refuse to allow the media into Walter Reed Hospital and other Veterans Administration facilities which are overflowing with maimed and traumatized veterans
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General Sanchez:Ex-Commander Says Iraq Effort Is ‘a Nightmare’
WASHINGTON, Oct. 12 — In a sweeping indictment of the four-year effort in Iraq, the former top commander of American forces there called the Bush administration’s handling of the war “incompetent” and said the result was “a nightmare with no end in sight.”
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/13/washington/13general.html?em&ex=1192593600&en=43fbd9b586968da4&ei=5087%0A

The war has been outsourced to mercenaries like Blackwater and others who are profiting from it. In fact there reported to be more private contractors there than actual enlisted military.

Petrol was one factor, but strategic location and war profiteering seems to be equal motivations in this disastrous adventure.

Where are you getting the idea that all Turkish men are hairy? A very large percentage have hardly any hair, other than on the head.