I simlpy do not understand why there should be a certain day to celebrate love...with cards, red roses, red hearts, red...everything (I guess I am also a scrooge )

In Romania we used to celebrate the "Martisor" on the 1st of March, when girls were given little, symbolic things (in shape of clover, snowdrop, chimney-sweeper) tied with white and red strings to symboize the coming of spring and love. Girls used to wear the white and red string tied up onto thier wrists as a token of love.

watch on youtube a very sensitive, elegant tango performed on the rhythm of the notes of "cok uzaklarda"

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=tango+cok+uzaklarda&search=Search


enjoy

"Noria al-Hamami is Yemen's first female ambassador. She is also the only female Arab ambassador to Turkey. Al-Hamami is a strong woman and we talked about how to survive in a male-dominated environment.

Noria al-Hamami
Al Hamami admires the queen of Sheba because she knew how to say 'no.' Al Hamami developed methods to "survive as a woman" and she did not hesitate to share them with us.
But being a strong woman does not mean to be able to hide away from feelings or to act like man. Al Hamami likes jewelry collections, cooking, decoration and a touchy song can make her eyes tear up. She knows how to laugh, too. First, she laughs, and then thinks for a while. She does not look like she is surprised to be asked which character she would like to be in a fairy tale or an ancient story. Her features become strident.
- "The queen of Sheba," she says in a very decisive tone.
" I always like powerful, strong women, Especially those who are able to say 'no' when it is necessary," adds al-Hamami.
While she is speaking she stresses the word "no."
"It is just a dream, of course. But I admire her character, her personality."
Though a Biblical character, the queen of Sheba turned into a legendary personality in all the Abrahamic religions and countless of stories have featured, with little historical authenticity. Muslim sources say that she lived at the time of Prophet and King Solomon, son of David, and was invited to Jerusalem in submission to Solomon's god, Allah. Belkis, as the Islamic sources name the queen, does not subdue herself to Solomon directly, but discusses with her own people. In the end she comes to Jerusalem and sees her own throne brought into Jerusalem, "in the twinkling of an eye." Expressed with this show of might, Belkis and her people decide to join the monotheistic faith of Abraham.
Al-Hamami says being a woman in male-dominated diplomacy was not that difficult, but was not that easy, either.
"My father was a diplomat. We have been to the US, Somalia, Beirut, Moscow, and the former Czechoslovakia. We stayed abroad until my father was assassinated in London when I was 13. We have a fantastic mother. She is very wise. She tried to give us everything, especially after my father died. My family is open minded and educated. This helped me a lot. They always supported me."
"Why he was assassinated?"
"A political issue." Al-Hamami does not want to go into details. Her face does not comment, but she adds, "Politicians cannot be diplomats all the time, but diplomats are always politicians."
Al-Hamami was the second oldest among her four sisters and two brothers. She is the only one who became a diplomat.
"It was not a choice but a coincidence. I never thought about being like my father. I don't know why I or my family did not think about this. But when I joined the ministry, the minister of foreign affairs at the time was a close friend of my father. He encouraged me to join the ministry. I said 'OK' and went into diplomacy. I was lucky because when I went into the ministry most of the people there were my father's friends and I felt that they had adopted me."
Al-Hamami says that people in the foreign ministry are open-minded and ready to accept a female colleague, and this relieves some of the pressure. But when she went abroad alone to New York as a diplomat, it was featured in the newspapers.
"It is also a challenge, but I am the type of person who likes challenges. Either you get it, or stop half way. A year after I came, another woman from an Arab country came but she was not able to stay and later returned home. When I was talking with her I told her that she has to find a way to deal with the pressure, because if we don't have a sense of peace from the inside, nobody will give it to us. We have to fight for it. But she could not take it, the poor lady…"
It is obvious from her voice that even recalling the memory of the "poor lady" makes her sad.
"As women, we are in the minority. It may be because of the character of men, especially in our societies. Even if they pretend that they accept you, in reality they accept the challenge coming from you and competition with you in. But it depends on how you deal with it. You should be hard worker and be yourself and work in a way that shows you have the ability. Be confident about yourself because we are in a battle. Either you got it or…" she does not complete her sentence.
After a pause for a few seconds, al-Hamami starts to give secrets of how to be a successful woman in a male-dominated world: "Be calm/"
"Sometimes, you feel overwhelmed. Even if you appear calm in front of them, when you are alone you feel that it is too much."
What about other women? Does she feel sometimes women could be an obstacle for other women?
"Yes, I notice this. For instance women pretend that they like you, they are proud of you, blah blah blah."
As she says, "blah blah blah," Al-Hamami's features are the same as she displays when she is talking about the "poor lady" who could not able to stay in New York.
"Then they create problems behind your back. Maybe it is because of our education system. We are not able to understand that we are in the same group and we belong to the same minority. We don't know how to compete. Even if we quarrel in front of others, it is healthier than not to do so.
At the interview day, Al-Hamami is wearing a nice suit and small earrings. I remind her that I once saw a wonderful, very artsy necklace of hers.
"I like collections, like jewelry but not gold necessarily. I like colorful things, it reflects your mood."
Ms. al-Hamami likes to take long walks and she does not prefer to do so with bodyguards. She is not married. In societies like ours, being single is always something to be questioned by others. Is it true also for her?
She says, "Ah" and does this with a "give me a break" gesture.
"It is an open issue, not only in my family, but among my friends and even in the international community.
But al-Hamami says when her singleness is brought up she doesn't get upset anymore.
"If you have confidence in yourself, then to answer this question is not bothering at all. But when I was young, I was saying to myself 'why they are putting their nose in my issue?'"
This is the second time she makes a reference to her age during our conversation. Then I asked my only non-answered question:
"How old are you?"
"How old do I look like?"
"Not more than 41-42."
"40 or so…"
We laugh.
But what about having a child?
She starts to answer by saying she loves children.
"It is not a problem for me not to have a child. I never thought time is running and I should get married in order to have a child. It is not one of my priorities to have a child."
But al-Hamami says when she retires she might a have a child. She thinks frequently about what she will do when she is retired. Maybe she will write her memoirs and might get married, not for romance, but for having a partner.
What kind of man does she prefer? Does he have to be Yemeni?
Al-Hamami thinks that mutual understanding is very important, and if the couples are coming from the same roots, it will be easier. So if she decides to marry one day, her top priorities are that he is a Yemeni and a Muslim.
"But Ms. al-Hamami, what about love?"
"We cannot live without love. You can have it anywhere, any time."
"You look like that you are trying to put a distance between yourself and love."
"This is the impression that most people have."
"Is it a true impression?"
"It is just an impression."
The queen of Sheba in Ankara smiles secretively".

Today`s Zaman, 30.01.2007

for "it rings a bell" I think "jeton dusmek (jeton dustu)" could be used, although "jeton dustu" means rather "it flickered to my mind".

mumkun= possible

mum= candle(s)

"Lorna, a British lady from Istanbul, observes:
When I go out to the park with my young daughter, I feel awkward and embarrassed when a man is very friendly with my 2 year old -- patting her head, pinching her cheek and chatting to her -- but completely ignores me. Often they don’t even look at me. I want to say ‘thank you’ for them being kind to my child, but talking with them seems to make them uncomfortable.
Turks LOVE children! All children -- even an ugly child -- are fussed over by shopkeepers, neighbors and people in the street. Back home we may be used to butch teenage boys thinking it will be an affront to their manhood to notice a child. Here a group of youths are excited to see a little baby and will coo and aahh over him or her as much as an elderly aunt will. And if your child has blonde hair… she will defnitely be thought beautiful and in need of cuddles and attention.
If she has blue eyes… well, then she definitely is gorgeous, and all the Turks you meet will have their day brightened by an encounter with her.But as you are a married woman, it is inappropriate for a Turkish man who has not been introduced to you to talk to you. If you are out in the park, or doing errands, without your husband then your child’s new friend is showing respect to you by not looking you in the face, and not chatting as freely with you as he is with your daughter. I don’t have kids, but I get something similar when out walking my cocker spaniel, Kila! He will feel that talking in a friendly way to you would be an infringement of your privacy, and could make you feel that he is interested in more than just a casual acquaintance.
In Turkey the boundary between formality and intimacy in male-female relationships is drawn in a different place. Many actions and attitudes that we view as still fairly formal are considered as intimate in this society.
For example, if one of your husband’s friends asked him how you are, it could be misconstrued if he said, “How’s Lorna?” He would normally recognize that you belong to your husband by asking, “How is your wife?” If he really wanted to underline that his concern for your welfare is as a family friend, he may even say “How is my brother’s wife?” -- that way he emphasizes to your husband he sees him as a brother, as is only concerned for you as an extension of his concern for your husband.
So, please don’t feel awkward that the Turkish man you have just met in the park is ignoring you: he is showing you respect and honor by doing this. If you want to let him know you appreciate his care for your child then thank him and give him a cheery “Goodbye” when you move on …. Of course, use “İyi Günler” -- good day, not “GörüşÃ¼rüz” -- see you later!"

by Charlotte McPherson, "Don`t talk to strangers?", Today`s Zaman, 22.01.2007

"I feel like I have to change my personality to be accepted here. I just want to be myself.” I was listening to my European friend complaining that yet again her bubbly personality had got her into difficulties with strangers. What had upset her most was that her Turkish girlfriends weren’t sympathetic to her plight. Laughter liberates and laughter uplifts. When we learn to laugh at our mistakes, and learn from them, nothing is too difficult. Many of our bookstore customers express how frustrating it is to learn the language. If they have time I share with them some of the mistakes I have made while learning Turkish. One example is: I wanted to get out of the dolmuş in Şişli and I meant to say the standard phrase, “İnecek var!” (Literally: There is a person who wants to get out.) Instead, to the bewilderment of the driver and my fellow passengers I called out, “İnek var!” (There is a cow!)
Have you noticed that Turkish people usually do not tend to shout or talk loudly in public like some nationalities?

A group of friends in a tea-house or restaurant will enjoy sharing a good joke, sometimes at each other’s expense. Turks will enjoy a comedy program on TV, pulling the leg of a friend, or sharing a joke on their cell phone. But uproarious laughter is not commonly seen in public: e.g., in shopping malls, on the ferry, walking down the street.
This is hard for many foreigners who are used to smiling when they walk down the street or having a good laugh anywhere when something funny strikes them.
It is important to make some adjustments in life to fit in to our new culture: This may include being a bit more serious when walking down the street. Tip: to avoid unwanted attention, it is best not to smile and not speak in a loud voice. Watch what Turks do; particularly if you are a woman, watch how Turkish women behave. This may be very important to help you avoid a problem. For example, a woman walking down the street smiling, especially if she is alone, may unwittingly send the wrong signals to the opposite sex.
It is important to laugh in certain settings:
If jokes are being told and have been translated from one language to another, if at all possible, try to laugh at the punch line, even if the Turkish joke hasn’t “made it” when told in English!
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Laugh when you make mistakes. When in another culture, we are learners.
When a situation arises, and it is out of your control, try to see the humor.
The other day, I had an appointment at a school. I arrived at the school on time but I could not get pass the security gate because there had been an electric cut and the gate would not go up so vehicles could pass. School buses were lined up inside the parking lot, with children to be taken to other campuses, and could not get out. Cars began to line up behind me needing to go in to the parking lot. Not to be any later, some children who were brought by their drivers or parents, just jumped out of the cars and ran towards the school building. Yes, there is lots of modern technology around, but electricity is still the power supply and needed.
Instead of fuming or getting frustrated, try to find the humor!"

by Charlotte McPherson, "Laughter- not in public", Today`s Zaman, 05.01.2006

I think a ticket to Istanbul is everybody's dream around here

accidentally or not, I`m listening Katie Melua- "Just like heaven" now...

The article below was published on the 24th of January in Today's Zaman

"Tales from ‘expat harem’ opens window on Turkey
For many in the West and elsewhere, Turkey remains an enigma. An internationally acclaimed nonfiction anthology “Tales From the Expat Harem: Foreign Women in Modern Turkey” opens a window on the country as experienced by 32 expatriate women from seven nations -- revealing the inner workings of this complex land and people and the often resulting clash with Western ideas and traditions.


Recommended to millions of travelers worldwide by National Geographic Traveler magazine, the collection spans the entire country and four decades in tales from contributors across the world. The storytellers came here for a myriad of reasons -- as women pursuing studies or work, a belief, a love, an adventure. Whether an archaeologist at Troy, a Christian missionary in Istanbul, a Peace Corps volunteer in Erzurum, a journalist on the Iraqi border or a broken-hearted girl in Bursa, each felt an affinity for the country and its people.
Elif Şafak, the award-winning Turkish novelist (”The Saint of Incipient Insanities,” 2004) and feminism and Near Eastern studies scholar at the University of Arizona, has written the foreword to the Turkish language edition, “Türkçe Sevmek.” Şafak describes the collection as “thought-provoking” and notes that “the book successfully transcends the cultural stereotypes so deeply embedded in perceptions of the Eastern harem while probing the wonderfully intricate relation between the limitlessness of female venture and the limitlessness of portable homelands.”
Editors Anastasia M. Ashman and Jennifer Eaton Gökmen sat down to discuss this release and explained how they came up with the idea of writing this book, why they chose this title and how they found the contributors. Ashman, who is married to a Turk and has lived in Istanbul for three years, is best known as a cultural essayist whose work has appeared worldwide. Gökmen, also married to a Turk, is a 12-year resident of Turkey and the development director at Istanbul International Community School.


First I have to ask, what made you select such a provocative title?


Ashman: We wanted to reclaim the concept of the Eastern harem -- long the subject of erroneous Western stereotype, like Turkey itself. Much like the many imported brides of the Ottoman sultans, we consider our writers inextricably wedded to Turkish culture, embedded in it, though forever foreign.


Gökmen: Our expat harem is conjured by the shared circumstances of being foreign-born and female in a land rich in harem tradition. The metaphor is quite apt when you consider how confined expatriate women here can be, particularly those newly arrived. Perhaps they aren’t constricted by physical walls of the harem, but the virtual walls are often there, formed by the initial lack of Turkish language skills, undeveloped understanding of the culture or even the staunch ethnocentricities that some of us clung to like security blankets when we first arrived. The title may be willfully anachronistic, but these women have modern lives and modern concerns -- pursuing families, businesses, buying properties and becoming Turkish citizens.


In what way does this book differ from travel memoirs?


Gökmen: We feel that this anthology is part of an emerging worldwide genre that should be called “expatriate literature” -- writing about life from outside one’s homeland does not necessarily mean that one is writing from a state of travel. This is not a collection of travel stories. These women are coping with life in a foreign culture.


Ashman: Our narrators demonstrate the evolutions Turkish culture has shepherded in their lives: assimilation into friendship, neighborhood, wifehood and motherhood. Much weightier real-life issues than often tackled in travel themes!


Gökmen: Expatriate literature is a hugely resonant genre in this age where so many people are globally mobile and must repeatedly re-establish themselves in the contexts of new countries and new cultures. We are not tourists here, and neither are our contributors. We are all people who need meaningful access to our new surroundings.


How did you find the contributors?

Gökmen: In an international-women’s writing group in Istanbul, we realized we were all writing about our Turkish experiences. Collected, they might begin to piece together the puzzle of Turkey. So we called for submissions through expatriate groups, writing groups, women’s groups, and foreign groups associated with Turkey, like the Peace Corps alumni (”Arkadaşlar”).


Ashman: We heard from over 100 people from the worldwide diaspora of foreign women whose lives have been touched by Turkey. We worked with many, most of them not professional writers, to fashion a personal tale that revealed as much about the woman and her own culture as the country she uncovered.


Gökmen: Because Turkey has such an emotional hold on so many expats, we all tend to have a proprietary feeling about how the country is portrayed, and that meant a lot of very strong feelings. Most were overwhelmingly positive, but naturally some were also negative.


Ashman: We only asked that the story be honest and balanced. We looked for a certain depth of understanding about both the Turkish culture and the writer’s own cultural assumptions. We asked, “What did this experience teach you about Turkey, and what did it show you about yourself?” This was difficult for some writers, who were not comfortable with revealing themselves. In the end, we couldn’t include a tale if the writer wasn’t able to face her own foibles.


Gökmen: You will see in the book people candidly experiencing crises -- of conscience, religion or physicality. It is in the resolution of the crisis that they come to understand their own role in the conflict of cultures.

Tomorrow: Has the book changed preconceived ideas about Turkey?"



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


“Tales From the Expat Harem: Foreign Women in Modern Turkey” (Doğan Kitap 2005 in Turkey, Seal Press 2006 in North America). Available from all major bookstores and online sites. For more information on the book go to www.expatharem.com.

24.01.2007

KATHY HAMILTON İSTANBUL