so maybe the misunderstanding is a problem

absolutely this becoz of cultural difference i guess.. or not completely cultural personal in minds.. but ppl can feel the warmth of that words if it said from inside or just being said... isnt it so?

I have said this before in one of these type of discussions. There is a fundamental difference between what a Turkish guy means when he says 'I love you' to what European girls imagine this means. There is a definite cultural issue here.

Girls, remember that a Turkish boys and girls can marry without knowing all that much about each other. (Please feel free to disagree with what, after all is a pretty sweeping generalisation.) I think that Seticio once desicribed marriage in Turkey as something more of a contractual relationship. Boy meets girl, likes what he sees, girl likes boy. Girls family happy with boys prospects, everyone decides they should marry Voila! They marry. Often they don't even know each other intimately (we have seen numerous posts that turkish boys like to marry virgins!)before they marry. Certain cultural 'duties' are recognised as belonging to each partner. Girl does everything she 'should' do. Cleans, cooks, works (if she has to), has babies, looks after husband, does as she is told. In return, she expects all his money, everything she wants for her house and self and to be closely guarded and cherished. It does not necessarily mean she expects fidelity, she just doesn't want to know about it, nor have anyone else find out if her husband is unfaithful. Love grows...but if it doesn't, well the 'duties' and 'appearances' are what is more important. (it seems to me and from my experiences and observations).

European girls expect a different kind of 'love' - to them it means committment that comes from the heart, not just a duty, it means the prospects of spending the rest of their life with the person they love and who has said that they love them. It means fidelity, shared happiness and all the other things that we have read about in the posts that mean 'love' to different people.

So when a Turkish boy says he 'loves' you, he means that you have made him happy, that he 'loves' to be with you when you are near him or in contact with him. It means he is grateful for the sex (because he wont get it from anyone he is likely to marry ie Turkish girls and if he did, he probably wouldn't want to marry her). Obviously this doesn't apply to every single person. It is a generalisation, but I think it is true and overall it he means just what i have said above. Its about a different understanding of the future expectations of 'love' that cause all the problems. I don't think we should think all turkish boys are feckless Lotharios, who use the word 'love' to get what they want either. I really believe that there is a very strong cultural difference in what it means and what the future expectations from each person after a declaration of love has been made.

i have heard Turkish boys/men say that you should 'love' your husband, merely because he is your husband. You can judge for yourself, their misunderstandings about this.

Did I talk too much? I think I am right about this. What do others think?

Lyndie: very well explained, I don't think anyone could put it any better. I understood all this from listening and asking questions from a lot of boys about their families and marriage.

Hi Lyndie!

I think that your analyse is very correct. I don´t have much experience in the field but from what I have seen and heard I think that you are right.

There is a cultural difference in the interpretation of "I love you" and I think that it was really good that you wrote it in here, since it will be read by many that experience this today with their "love".

Best regards

/Aslan

actually... i haev never really thought about it like that before... and i do actually think that ur right!
i have learnt (in my few mere years of being on this planet!) that turkish guyz say "i love u" a lot... and very quickly too! i think that what u are saying might explain this...

Lyndie's post answer's my question. I don't believe that there is any harm in saying it more often, or sooner! I agree, it is lovely to enjoy the moment. I do worry, though, that young girls truly believe they are in love with them.

Well Chris, it is true that young girls believe this. There are hundreds of posts on this site from girls (and older!) who want to know if their turkish bf 'loves' them really. I moderate these particular forums and its pretty heartbreaking to see the posts.

Turkish guys are charming, handsome and silver tongued. they also treat girls in a way they are not used to in England particularly. They are so romantic and make the girls feel like special princesses. Too many girls don't understand what is meant by 'I love you' in this context. When they go home, their turkish bf's will be saying the same things to the next girl that comes on holiday.

I know many many turkish boys and have spoken to them about this. They easily fall in love. (or their own perception of what love is), they easily say it (and believe it when they say it)and for them it is perfectly natural to fall in love with a new person every couple of weeks. They are generous with their emotions and attention. It is just a pity that those impressionable young girls don't understand what it all means. Love is a pretty complex thing for most people in their lifetimes within their own cultures, it is a sad fact i think that young girls going to turkey don't really stand a chance of understanding their own feelings let alone the feelings of boys from another culture.

Ahhhh young love heh? Who understand it anyway.

come to think of it, is it so bad the way they do things in Turkey. Who knows how long love will last whether it is 'true' love in the European sense, or 'passing' love in the turkish boy sense. You can marry someone from your own culture, believe they love you and within a few years they treat you like dirt, run around with every other girl they see, drink too much and beat you!

Maybe a husband who treats you well because its his 'duty' is better? Well of course not, because that only works if your husband wherever he comes from plays by the rules. If he doesn't then you are no better off!

Life is complicated anyway and then there are turkish boys.........

I agree with Lyndie on a lot, but at the same time, I also believe there are Turkish boys who actually do love their English etc girlfriends. A Turkish male friend of mine is getting married to an English woman and I can see their love is sincere. I don't think it's fair to say that all women 'think' they are in love with these men, as sometimes they can fall in love with them, just as they could fall in love with any man they meet anywhere on this earth. I also do think that it is possible that Turkish men can and do fall for some of these women. It's a shame reading on other sites though that some women go over to Turkey and other countries for sex, and this gives us a bad reputation. I am a believer that you can never know any situation, and I do believe that Turkish men and non-Turkish women CAN have a loving relationship...It may be difficult with a lot of obstacles to overcome and a lot of trust and time needed, but it is possible to get there in some cases.

Kay, yes of course you are right. I said earlier that this was quite a generalisation. There are of course many Tuk/UK/European couples who have made good relationships. The idea of the post was to explain the differences between the belief in what 'love' is.

Many Turk/Turk marriages, that start out on a contractual basis also turn into lasting enduring love and affection (in our European 'sense' of the word). Relationships are the same everywhere, its just that in some cultures they start out on a different basis.

And of course testosterone is a potent driving force in any society

Hi lyndie
I couldnt agree more with what your saying i would just like to think that there are some turkish men who are faithful and dont want to run around cheating on their english girlfriends.All i know is that i have yet to find one and i know what i am talking about!