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Travelling to Turkey

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Gifts dilemma!
(58 Messages in 6 pages - View all)
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1.       *Carla Louise*
207 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 04:54 pm

I will travel to Turkiye next Saturday, and I need a little advice or tips please. You see, I met my love´s parents and family (I hope this is a good sign for me) last time, and they were so hospitable and caring. His sister gave me a cardigan and her tea set because I loved çay so much. I really want to take some gifts for them this time, but I won´t have chance to go shopping in Turkiye before I meet them again ( I will meet them straight from airport I think).

 

I considered buying some fudge (a sweet treat from south west England) or some kind of confectionary, but I don´t want to appear like I just bought a ´cheap´ gift, although I know nothing extravagant is expected. Ornaments? Accessories? What is best?

 

Any ideas what I could bring? Should I bring them something from England, and if so, what could I take as a gift? Any advice would be lovely.

 

Thank you for reading

2.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 06:31 pm

 

Quoting *Carla Louise*

I will travel to Turkiye next Saturday, and I need a little advice or tips please. You see, I met my love´s parents and family (I hope this is a good sign for me) last time, and they were so hospitable and caring. His sister gave me a cardigan and her tea set because I loved çay so much. I really want to take some gifts for them this time, but I won´t have chance to go shopping in Turkiye before I meet them again ( I will meet them straight from airport I think).

 

I considered buying some fudge (a sweet treat from south west England) or some kind of confectionary, but I don´t want to appear like I just bought a ´cheap´ gift, although I know nothing extravagant is expected. Ornaments? Accessories? What is best?

 

Any ideas what I could bring? Should I bring them something from England, and if so, what could I take as a gift? Any advice would be lovely.

 

Thank you for reading

 

 Hi Carla

I think it would be nice to talk them something "English" - the fudge would be a nice idea (I dont think people care or calculate the cost of girfts - do you?)  If you want to spend a bit more how about something made from Nottingham Lace or Staffordshire or Poole pottery maybe?  Depending on the age of his sister, how about a tshirt or top from a fashion store only available in England?



Edited (2/24/2009) by TheAenigma
Edited (2/24/2009) by TheAenigma
Edited (2/24/2009) by TheAenigma

3.       *Carla Louise*
207 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 06:40 pm

Thank you TheAenigma for your reply, I´m glad you think the fudge is a good idea, I would take toffee but I worry it would get stuck in their teeth! I can´t eat toffee for that reason

I like that idea about the pottery, I think I´ll have to have a hunt on the internet, that would be nice for them to keep

I´m running out of time so fast, and I´m spending so much time worrying what to take!

4.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 06:42 pm

 

Quoting *Carla Louise*

Thank you TheAenigma for your reply, I´m glad you think the fudge is a good idea, I would take toffee but I worry it would get stuck in their teeth! I can´t eat toffee for that reason

I like that idea about the pottery, I think I´ll have to have a hunt on the internet, that would be nice for them to keep

I´m running out of time so fast, and I´m spending so much time worrying what to take!

 

Have a great trip x

5.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 08:21 pm

 

Quoting *Carla Louise*

I will travel to Turkiye next Saturday, and I need a little advice or tips please. You see, I met my love´s parents and family (I hope this is a good sign for me) last time, and they were so hospitable and caring. His sister gave me a cardigan and her tea set because I loved çay so much. I really want to take some gifts for them this time, but I won´t have chance to go shopping in Turkiye before I meet them again ( I will meet them straight from airport I think).

 

I considered buying some fudge (a sweet treat from south west England) or some kind of confectionary, but I don´t want to appear like I just bought a ´cheap´ gift, although I know nothing extravagant is expected. Ornaments? Accessories? What is best?

 

Any ideas what I could bring? Should I bring them something from England, and if so, what could I take as a gift? Any advice would be lovely.

 

Thank you for reading

 

 Hi Carla,

 

A lot depends on the family, are they rural or urban? Do the women in the family wear head scarves? You could bring some English tea. When I was in England I found wonderful cream in cans. It was the thickest cream I´ve ever seen, I´m sure they would like that. It´s a good thing I didn´t stay in England too long or I´d have been a real butterball fast! It was sooooo delicious.

 

Fine hand creams and body lotions are welcome. I´ve found some nice unisex creams with things like calendula oils in them. European creams are better than the ones made in the US because of the more stringent EU standards. Fine soap is good in your suitcase, but not given as an "official" gift....I´ve been told it is washing them away....I don´t really know about it, but to be safe, I just put them in my suitcase and share....

 

Something to put in your suitcase that I´ve found there are never enough of are safety pins. You don´t give them as gifts, but having them available for use is welcome.

 

If you will be staying with a family and have become part of the family, I´ve found it´s good to fill my suitcase with clothes I am don´t mind sharing and am able leave behind. They don´t expect it, but it´s a nice way to give "extra" gifts.

 

From what I´ve seen, (and others have told me) some parts of Turkish society is pretty communal, and what ever is in my suitcase (or closet) is shared when you are perceived as part of the family in some famlies.  At first it upset me, but now I´ve gotten used to it and am not so possessive about my "things".



Edited (2/24/2009) by alameda [attempt to clarify]

6.       *Carla Louise*
207 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 08:30 pm

Alameda, this is really helpful, I didn´t know that about soap!

They do wear headscarves, yes. Last time, me and my love went to their house every evening nearly, they would cook for us, and I never knew anyone could be so caring! His sister is around 30 years old, and she and her husband have 2 sons, and also more relatives  live in the house. The house is modern. I´d love to get them something they could share but that they could keep if possible. The saying is  ´it´s the thought that counts´, deðil mi? 

I contacted a local shop an hour ago about some assorted sweet fudge, this is from my hometown and maybe they might think it´s a nice gesture? Is this too small a gift? I mean, would you be happy if your son´s girlfriend bought you just a box of fudge after you´d given them so much? Ayyy :! 

I´m looking at pottery on ebay as well, or for a pretty tablecloth, but I don´t know the size of their table! Ahhh! I´m going a little bit crazy!

7.       sonunda
5004 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 08:42 pm

How about a tea towel with pictures of your local area? Or is that a bit daft!

8.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 08:47 pm

 

Quoting *Carla Louise*

Alameda, this is really helpful, I didn´t know that about soap!

They do wear headscarves, yes. Last time, me and my love went to their house every evening nearly, they would cook for us, and I never knew anyone could be so caring! His sister is around 30 years old, and she and her husband have 2 sons, and also more relatives  live in the house. The house is modern. I´d love to get them something they could share but that they could keep if possible. The saying is  ´it´s the thought that counts´, deðil mi? 

I contacted a local shop an hour ago about some assorted sweet fudge, this is from my hometown and maybe they might think it´s a nice gesture? Is this too small a gift? I mean, would you be happy if your son´s girlfriend bought you just a box of fudge after you´d given them so much? Ayyy :! 

I´m looking at pottery on ebay as well, or for a pretty tablecloth, but I don´t know the size of their table! Ahhh! I´m going a little bit crazy!

 

Small brooches are very popular with ladies for holding their headscarves in place. I don´t think pottery is a great idea. Look for small brooches. I´ve seen a lot of them on eBay. No cameos...anything with turquoise blue....flowers or in particular, roses.

 

I´m sure whatever you bring will be appreciated, we do like to be successful in this though, don´t we? I know, I worry about the same thing.

9.       *Carla Louise*
207 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 08:50 pm

I like the tea towel idea as well, I´ll have to look in some local shops.

 

As for the brooch idea- fabulous! I will look on ebay, that would be something very nice to give!

 

I really mean this when I say thank you to everyone for your contributions, you´ve helped me a lot. I think me and ebay are going to be spending a lot of time together this evening! {#lang_emotions_ty_ty}

10.       Elisabeth
5732 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 08:59 pm

Be careful not to spend all your money before you go to Turkey, dear! {#lang_emotions_flowers}

11.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 08:59 pm

 

Quoting *Carla Louise*

I like the tea towel idea as well, I´ll have to look in some local shops.

 

As for the brooch idea- fabulous! I will look on ebay, that would be something very nice to give!

 

I really mean this when I say thank you to everyone for your contributions, you´ve helped me a lot. I think me and ebay are going to be spending a lot of time together this evening! {#lang_emotions_ty_ty}

 

 Oh yes, tea towels are wonderful. As for sweets....I don´t know....with the rise in blood sugar issues, I stay away from sweets. I´ve met too many Turks with blood sugar issues.

12.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:06 pm

 

Quoting alameda

 

 From what I´ve seen, (and others have told me) Turkish society is pretty communal and what ever is in my suitcase (or closet) is shared.  At first it upset me, but now I´ve gotten used to it and am not so possessive about my "things".

 

 This is very rude in our culture!  Why should you have to accept it?  Why are WE always the ones who have to accept other´s culture?

 

If somebody went through my things and borrowed my things without asking I would find it very offensive.  And yet.....we are always warned of what is rude and what to avoid when we have guests from other cultures.

 

BTW Alameda, I would add that your advice (regarding gifts) is not so appropriate for more modern Turkish families...



Edited (2/24/2009) by TheAenigma

13.       *Carla Louise*
207 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:09 pm

 

Quoting Elisabeth

Be careful not to spend all your money before you go to Turkey, dear! {#lang_emotions_flowers}

 

 Hehe I was just thinking I should be careful with my pennies!

14.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:16 pm

 

Quoting TheAenigma

 

 

 This is very rude in our culture!  Why should you have to accept it?  Why are WE always the ones who have to accept other´s culture?

 

If somebody went through my things and borrowed my things without asking I would find it very offensive.  And yet.....we are always warned of what is rude and what to avoid when we have guests from other cultures.

 

BTW Alameda, I would add that your advice (regarding gifts) is not so appropriate for more modern Turkish families...

 

 If you are going to THEIR country.....and THEIR home...I don´t think some accomodation is out of line.

 

As I mentioned Aenigma.....so if she doesn´t want to share...she can bring a lock for her suitcase...simple....hmmm?.........and I actually wonder just how many Turkish famlies have you visited anyway?

 

That is why I mentioned IF she is going to a home were women wear scarves...

15.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:17 pm

 

Quoting *Carla Louise*

 

 

 Hehe I was just thinking I should be careful with my pennies!

 

 Of course...don´t be ostentacious about it. {#lang_emotions_flowers} KIS remember...keep it simple.

16.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:18 pm

 

Quoting TheAenigma

 

 

 This is very rude in our culture!  Why should you have to accept it?  Why are WE always the ones who have to accept other´s culture?

 

If somebody went through my things and borrowed my things without asking I would find it very offensive.  And yet.....we are always warned of what is rude and what to avoid when we have guests from other cultures.

 

BTW Alameda, I would add that your advice (regarding gifts) is not so appropriate for more modern Turkish families...

 

 Following on from my post... a friend of mine told me recently that he had invited his muslim colleague and his wife for dinner.  The colleague informed my friend that he would not set foot in the house unless it was clear of all alcohol!!! My friend had already decided to serve no wine during the meal, and to ensure the food was suitable, but this was a request too far!!!

 

When do we ever see reciprocation?

17.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:19 pm

 

Quoting TheAenigma

 

 

 Following on from my post... a friend of mine told me recently that he had invited his muslim colleague and his wife for dinner.  The colleague informed my friend that he would not set foot in the house unless it was clear of all alcohol!!! My friend had already decided to serve no wine during the meal, and to ensure the food was suitable, but this was a request too far!!!

 

When do we ever see reciprocation?

 

 That was HIS home...different situation....and you did not mention what country it was in.

18.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:21 pm

 

Quoting alameda

 

 

 Hi Carla,

 

A lot depends on the family, are they rural or urban? Do the women in the family wear head scarves? You could bring some English tea. When I was in England I found wonderful cream in cans. It was the thickest cream I´ve ever seen, I´m sure they would like that. It´s a good thing I didn´t stay in England too long or I´d have been a real butterball fast! It was sooooo delicious.

 

Fine hand creams and body lotions are welcome. I´ve found some nice unisex creams with things like calendula oils in them. European creams are better than the ones made in the US because of the more stringent EU standards. Fine soap is good in your suitcase, but not given as an "official" gift....I´ve been told it is washing them away....I don´t really know about it, but to be safe, I just put them in my suitcase and share....

 

Something to put in your suitcase that I´ve found there are never enough of are safety pins. You don´t give them as gifts, but having them available for use is welcome.

 

 

First of all, yes the gift may change if the family is rural or urban, but you cannot decide it according to the headscarf! There are also modern Turkish woman with headscarves...

 

Soap as a gift or something that you must take with? I did not understand it completely but there are many nice soaps in Turkey, and Turkish people are much more careful about the hygiene than most of the people I have seen (I have seen many actually).

 

and there are not enough safety pins in Turkey?! Actually there are many everywhere. I thinh the same thing about Germany, I have never seen any safety pins sold around, maybe we just don´t see because we don´t know where they are.

 

 

Quote:

If you will be staying with a family, I´ve found it´s good to fill my suitcase with clothes I am don´t mind sharing and am able leave behind. From what I´ve seen, (and others have told me) Turkish society is pretty communal and what ever is in my suitcase (or closet) is shared.  At first it upset me, but now I´ve gotten used to it and am not so possessive about my "things".

 

And with your idea above I also don´t agree. Maybe that´s what you observed with a Turkish family you visited but nobody would take your clothes, or would take anything without asking {#lang_emotions_confused} It is not a usual thing in Turkey that people use things communal with the people they newly met; I mean sometimes with very close friends you share your clothes for example, but even in this case you ask for permission. I, personally, never have taken anything form a guest; besides, Turkish people really love giving to their guests, not taking.

 

Don´t generalize things with the people you have seen.

 

 

19.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:25 pm

 

Quoting TheAenigma

 

 

 Following on from my post... a friend of mine told me recently that he had invited his muslim colleague and his wife for dinner.  The colleague informed my friend that he would not set foot in the house unless it was clear of all alcohol!!! My friend had already decided to serve no wine during the meal, and to ensure the food was suitable, but this was a request too far!!!

 

When do we ever see reciprocation?

 

 

Yes this is not a normal request but how many Muslim people have you seen like that? You cannot blaime eveyone just according to one extreme person.

20.       peacetrain
1905 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:26 pm

Perhaps you could take some kind of toy or pairs of jeans for the children? 

 

I took lots of little things such as crumpets, shortbread, Earl Grey tea and explained that I thought they would like to try the types of foods we have here, although I wouldn´t present them as a gift as such. 

 

I think the fudge is a great idea and if you wrap it in fancy paper with ribbons etc it would look  very nice.  Whilst I might not buy a table cloth I would definitely think about a table runner.  There are some lovely ones to be found in craft shops.  I think the brooch idea is a good one too, but nothing too sparkly. 

 

On one autumn visit I made, I bought some presents before I left and I bought a woollen scarf for my friend´s father, from a gentleman´s outfitters. 

 

It really does depend on the individual you´re buying for if you wish to buy something quite personal, like clothing.

 

The lace idea is a good one too. Perhaps a set of napkins? 

 

There are lots of nice candles on dishes around at the moment, but I´m not sure if it´s the kind of thing they would appreciate. 

 

If there is a local craft where you live then perhaps you might think about taking something relating to that.

 

It´s a minefield unless you know the person,I guess. 

 

I´m sure that, whatever you take, they will accept it with good grace and apreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity.

 

Have a lovely trip.

21.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:28 pm

 

Quoting *Carla Louise*

I will travel to Turkiye next Saturday, and I need a little advice or tips please. You see, I met my love´s parents and family (I hope this is a good sign for me) last time, and they were so hospitable and caring. His sister gave me a cardigan and her tea set because I loved çay so much. I really want to take some gifts for them this time, but I won´t have chance to go shopping in Turkiye before I meet them again ( I will meet them straight from airport I think).

 

I considered buying some fudge (a sweet treat from south west England) or some kind of confectionary, but I don´t want to appear like I just bought a ´cheap´ gift, although I know nothing extravagant is expected. Ornaments? Accessories? What is best?

 

Any ideas what I could bring? Should I bring them something from England, and if so, what could I take as a gift? Any advice would be lovely.

 

Thank you for reading

 

besides all these discussions, carla, I agree that it is a good idea to bring some local sweets as gift We (Turkish people) love sweets, and we also do take sweets usually as gifts ( I always bring baklava and lokum to my friends ). In addition as mentioned, you can take something that mother can use at home, they love such things (like tea towel or something).

 

Anyway, I am sure whatever you bring, they will be happy

 



Edited (2/24/2009) by dilliduduk [typo]

22.       sonunda
5004 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:32 pm

"I´m sure that, whatever you take, they will accept it with good grace and apreciate your thoughtfulness and generosity."

 

 

Well said!

23.       sonunda
5004 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:34 pm

Branston Pickle!

24.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:35 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

 

besides all these discussions, carla, I agree that it is a good idea to bring some local sweets as gift We (Turkish people) love sweets, and we also do take sweets usually as gifts ( I always bring baklava and lokum to my friends ). In addition as mentioned, you can take something that mother can use at home, they love such things (like tea towel or something).

 

Anyway, I am sure whatever you bring, they will be happy

 

 

 Ouhhhhhhhhh please be my friend!

25.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:38 pm

 

Quoting TheAenigma

 

 

 Ouhhhhhhhhh please be my friend!

 

haha OK

But I do only for my friends in Germany, so you should move here first

26.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:39 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

 

haha OK

But I do only for my friends in Germany, so you should move here first

 

 

27.       peacetrain
1905 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:41 pm

Quote: dilliduduk

but nobody would take your clothes, or would take anything without asking

I don´t think Alameda said that her things were taken without asking.

I´ve stayed in several houses in Turkey and have never had to share anything from my suitcase, although some young women I was staying with a couple of years ago, were intrigued to know what was in my suitcase and one of the girls took it upon herself to rummage through my things whilst I was looking for something in it.  However, this may not be a Turkish ´thing´ but something individual to that person. 

Where ever I stay one thing is the same.  I am expected to treat their home as my home.  In fact when I go in April one set of friends won´t be there for part of the time,so I will be the house keeper!! 

28.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:42 pm

 

Quoting peacetrain

Quote: dilliduduk

but nobody would take your clothes, or would take anything without asking

I don´t think Alameda said that her things were taken without asking.

I´ve stayed in several houses in Turkey and have never had to share anything from my suitcase, although some young women I was staying with a couple of years ago, were intrigued to know what was in my suitcase and one of the girls took it upon herself to rummage through my things whilst I was looking for something in it.  However, this may not be a Turkish ´thing´ but something individual to that person. 

Where ever I stay one thing is the same.  I am expected to treat their home as my home.  In fact when I go in April one set of friends won´t be there for part of the time,so I will be the house keeper!! 

 

 I think Alameda´s friends are all in the East..... lol

29.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:43 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

  First of all, yes the gift may change if the family is rural or urban, but you cannot decide it according to the headscarf! There are also modern Turkish woman with headscarves...

.....and they like nice small brooches...and people in urban areas have more to choose from. In rural areas shopping is more limited.

 

Soap as a gift or something that you must take with? I did not understand it completely but there are many nice soaps in Turkey, and Turkish people are much more careful about the hygiene than most of the people I have seen (I have seen many actually).

 

That is what I was told....so I´m careful. Soap is a common gift to give in the US, and there are many to choose from. A friend of mine from Bulgaria gave me some fabulous soap. I love fine soaps, as do many others.

and there are not enough safety pins in Turkey?! Actually there are many everywhere. I thinh the same thing about Germany, I have never seen any safety pins sold around, maybe we just don´t see because we don´t know where they are.

 

That was my observation. Everyplace I´ve been to seemed to have a lack of safety pins. It is even an issue in the US. They are very useful and often not available but very handy.

 

And with your idea above I also don´t agree. Maybe that´s what you observed with a Turkish family you visited but nobody would take your clothes, or would take anything without asking  It is not a usual thing in Turkey that people use things communal with the people they newly met; I mean sometimes with very close friends you share your clothes for example, but even in this case you ask for permission. I, personally, never have taken anything form a guest; besides, Turkish people really love giving to their guests, not taking.

 

In the case of a casual visit or a new aquaintence, true, but when you become part of the family things can change....it appears I did not make that clear. This has been my observation based on more than a few visits. The more Europeanized Turks are not like as shareing, I have noticed.

 

Don´t generalize things with the people you have seen.

 

I´m sorry if my observations were seen as an over generalization. I thought I had been more clear. I will try to be more careful in the future.

 

 

 

 

30.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:44 pm

 

Quoting peacetrain

Quote: dilliduduk

but nobody would take your clothes, or would take anything without asking

I don´t think Alameda said that her things were taken without asking.

I´ve stayed in several houses in Turkey and have never had to share anything from my suitcase, although some young women I was staying with a couple of years ago, were intrigued to know what was in my suitcase and one of the girls took it upon herself to rummage through my things whilst I was looking for something in it.  However, this may not be a Turkish ´thing´ but something individual to that person. 

Where ever I stay one thing is the same.  I am expected to treat their home as my home.  In fact when I go in April one set of friends won´t be there for part of the time,so I will be the house keeper!! 

 

but she just wrote

 

"From what I´ve seen, (and others have told me) Turkish society is pretty communal and what ever is in my suitcase (or closet) is shared.  At first it upset me, but now I´ve gotten used to it and am not so possessive about my "things"."

 

Here I understand that she says Turkish people take her things {#lang_emotions_confused} which is of course not a normal situation.

 

Well, yeah, it is true that people want you to feel like you are home, but is it bad?

 

31.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:46 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

And with your idea above I also don´t agree. Maybe that´s what you observed with a Turkish family you visited but nobody would take your clothes, or would take anything without asking {#lang_emotions_confused} It is not a usual thing in Turkey that people use things communal with the people they newly met; I mean sometimes with very close friends you share your clothes for example, but even in this case you ask for permission. I, personally, never have taken anything form a guest; besides, Turkish people really love giving to their guests, not taking.

 

Don´t generalize things with the people you have seen.

 

 Phew!  Thanks for confirming my thoughts (its good to hear it from a Turkish woman).  I think Alameda likes to portray Turkish families as rather primitive.... lol

32.       peacetrain
1905 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:47 pm

One of my friends worked in the UK for a while, and he developed a liking for Galaxy chocolate, so I always take a good stock when I go. 

33.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:52 pm

 

Quoting TheAenigma

 

 

 Phew!  Thanks for confirming my thoughts (its good to hear it from a Turkish woman).  I think Alameda likes to portray Turkish families as rather primitive.... lol

 

 Primitive to you, not so obsessed with personal posessions to others...you know...mine mine mine?

 

........and it is true, I did over generalize. I really am not that consummed with the idea of what is my material posessions...as some.

34.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:54 pm

 

Quoting alameda

 

 

 Primitive to you, not so obsessed with personal posessions to others...you know...mine mine mine?

 

........and it is true, I did over generalize. I really am not that consummed with the idea of what is my material posessions...as some.

 

 Hahaha who the hell are YOU judging eh?  What do you know of my attitude to personal posessions?  You yourself said you were "shocked" at first but gradually got used to it....

 

I don´t think you are painting Turkish families in a very good light sweetie

35.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:57 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

 

but she just wrote

 

"From what I´ve seen, (and others have told me) Turkish society is pretty communal and what ever is in my suitcase (or closet) is shared.  At first it upset me, but now I´ve gotten used to it and am not so possessive about my "things"."

 

Here I understand that she says Turkish people take her things {#lang_emotions_confused} which is of course not a normal situation.

 

Well, yeah, it is true that people want you to feel like you are home, but is it bad?

 

 

 You are right and I´m sorry if this offended you. I did overly generalize. This situation is not as common as I portrayed. The situations I referred to where ones where the "guests" had been in a home for weeks and developed a familial relationship.

36.       peacetrain
1905 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 09:58 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

 

but she just wrote

 

"From what I´ve seen, (and others have told me) Turkish society is pretty communal and what ever is in my suitcase (or closet) is shared.  At first it upset me, but now I´ve gotten used to it and am not so possessive about my "things"."

 

Here I understand that she says Turkish people take her things {#lang_emotions_confused} which is of course not a normal situation.

 

Well, yeah, it is true that people want you to feel like you are home, but is it bad?

 

 Sorry, I understood it to mean that she was asked to share.  You may be right.

 

No it´s not a bad thing to be asked to feel as though their home is my home and I was very appreciative.

 

One thing I do find difficult is accepting their hospitality and not being allowed to give something back in return.  I try to ensure I can pay for a meal out or something, but it is very difficult to get them to accept.  I also try to send gifts by post during the year in order to show my appreciation.  Last year I left some money behind with a letter asking them to have a meal out at my expense.  My friends were due to live abroad for  months and so I wanted them to have a farewell meal with their neighbours, who are also my friends. 

 

When I arrived home in England and checked my emails, I had one from my friends and they were quite seriously cross with me!  They saved the money and we all went out together on my next visit.

 

37.       femmeous
2642 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:01 pm

 

Quoting TheAenigma

 

 

 Hahaha who the hell are YOU judging eh?  What do you know of my attitude to personal posessions?  You yourself said you were "shocked" at first but gradually got used to it....

 

I don´t think you are painting Turkish families in a very good light sweetie

 

hahaha you caught her lies mistakes lol

 

you know that alameda tries sooooooo hard to paint turks and  its eastern neighbourhood in the best colors, but she tries sooooooo hard that the colors change into different.

38.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:01 pm

 

Quoting TheAenigma

 

 

 Hahaha who the hell are YOU judging eh?  What do you know of my attitude to personal posessions?  You yourself said you were "shocked" at first but gradually got used to it....

 

I don´t think you are painting Turkish families in a very good light sweetie

 

 Hmmm let me see, how did I ever get the idea you are rather jealous of your posessions? Could it be this comment?

 

"If somebody went through my things and borrowed my things without asking I would find it very offensive.  "

 

Let me refresh you on my comment....it was

 

" At first it upset me, but now I´ve gotten used to it and am not so possessive about my "things"."

 

Please note the word was upset....not shocked.

39.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:02 pm

 

Quoting femmeous

 

 

hahaha you caught her lies mistakes lol

 

you know that alameda tries sooooooo hard to paint turks and  its eastern neighbourhood in the best colors, but she tries sooooooo hard that the colors change into different.

 

 I can only imagine that Alameda´s experience of Turkish families is strictly in the east

40.       femmeous
2642 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:05 pm

i confirm what alameda and PT say. because i know it.

41.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:19 pm

 

Quoting femmeous

i confirm what alameda and PT say. because i know it.

 

 You mean you were expected to share? Poor Femm....

42.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:22 pm

 

Quoting TheAenigma

 

 

 I can only imagine that Alameda´s experience of Turkish families is strictly in the east

 

 Actually Aenigma...a lot of it was in New York, San Francisco, Istanbul and Ankara, Antalya...anyway...your point?{#lang_emotions_unsure}

43.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:25 pm

 

Quoting alameda

 

 

 Actually Aenigma...a lot of it was in New York, San Francisco, Istanbul and Ankara, Antalya...anyway...your point?{#lang_emotions_unsure}

 

no matter whether they were from south or east, probably they were not so educated

44.       femmeous
2642 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:28 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

 

no matter whether they were from south or east, probably they were not so educated

 

education has nothing to do with that. its a matter of culture, mentality or personal habbits (which also refers again to culture)

45.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:29 pm

 

Quoting femmeous

 

 

education has nothing to do with that. its a matter of culture, mentality or personal habbits (which also refers again to culture)

 

well actually what i meant by education was not only the education in school, but also about the culture.

46.       armegon
1872 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:32 pm

What dilliduduk said of a high percentage true for Turkish people...

47.       femmeous
2642 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:32 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

 

well actually what i meant by education was not only the education in school, but also about the culture.

 

well, thats what i meant. thats the whole culture. privacy was never a priority.

48.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:35 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

 

no matter whether they were from south or east, probably they were not so educated

 

Actually I don´t understand what problem you have with people being able to share possessions. As for my Turkish friends, I would think university graduates...are educated. 

 

Of course not all Turkish people are as capable, or have the ability or desire to share as others.  To me the ability to share is quite commendable.

49.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:38 pm

 

Quoting alameda

 

 

Actually I don´t understand what problem you have with people being able to share possessions. As for my Turkish friends, I would think university graduates...are educated. 

 

Of course not all Turkish people are as capable, or have the ability or desire to share as others.  To me the ability to share is quite commendable.

 

The problematic thing is not sharing. But what is understood from your first sentences is like they were using your things without asking or forcing you to give your things to them. ( you said that you had to leave your clothes at the place you stayed).

50.       alameda
3499 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:46 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

 

The problematic thing is not sharing. But what is understood from your first sentences is like they were using your things without asking or forcing you to give your things to them. ( you said that you had to leave your clothes at the place you stayed).

 

 I think I did not make myself clear. I edited my original message. I did not HAVE to leave clothing, I wanted them to have them as they liked them and looked good in them.

 

Nobody ever demanded anything from me. In the cases of people "borrowing" things, they were close friends who had my keys to come and go as they pleased, or I was in their homes. There was an element of recipocity, comfort and familial feelings involved.

 

Whew! I hope I was able to make myself clear.

51.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 10:54 pm

 

Quoting alameda

 

 

 I think I did not make myself clear. I edited my original message. I did not HAVE to leave clothing, I wanted them to have them as they liked them and looked good in them.

 

Nobody ever demanded anything from me. In the cases of people "borrowing" things, they were close friends who had my keys to come and go as they pleased, or I was in their homes. There was an element of recipocity, comfort and familial feelings involved.

 

Whew! I hope I was able to make myself clear.

yeah now this sounds normal, but the reason for all of these discussions was your sentence in your first post, although you say you did not mean it

 

ok then, I guess everything is clear

 

52.       Melek74
1506 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 11:56 pm

 

Quoting dilliduduk

 

yeah now this sounds normal, but the reason for all of these discussions was your sentence in your first post, although you say you did not mean it

 

ok then, I guess everything is clear

 

 

Ever heard of backpedaling? {#lang_emotions_neutral}

53.       dilliduduk
1551 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 11:57 pm

 

Quoting Melek74

 

 

Ever heard of backpedaling? {#lang_emotions_neutral}

 

54.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 24 Feb 2009 Tue 11:57 pm

 

Quoting Melek74

 

 

Ever heard of backpedaling? {#lang_emotions_neutral}

 

 +1000000

55.       *Carla Louise*
207 posts
 25 Feb 2009 Wed 12:34 am

Wowee, what a lot of posts! Thank you again everyone for your very kind help {#lang_emotions_angel},    sorry if I indirectly caused any trouble!  {#lang_emotions_sad} 

56.       TheAenigma
5001 posts
 25 Feb 2009 Wed 12:38 am

 

Quoting *Carla Louise*

Wowee, what a lot of posts! Thank you again everyone for your very kind help {#lang_emotions_angel},    sorry if I indirectly caused any trouble!  {#lang_emotions_sad} 

 

 Heheh no it was fun

57.       etimologist
156 posts
 07 Sep 2009 Mon 12:29 pm

Living room for 2010 summer season (from 15 June to 15 August  at Istanbul city center. For those who want to learn Turkish.

Send message for detailed information

 

58.       lady in red
6947 posts
 07 Sep 2009 Mon 01:00 pm

 

Quoting etimologist

Living room for 2010 summer season (from 15 June to 15 August  at Istanbul city center. For those who want to learn Turkish.

Send message for detailed information

 

 

Etimologist - as your post is about available accommodation and not about gifts, could you open a new thread and repost it please.  Thanks

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